Stain My Rose With Scarlet Tears

September second seemed to have snuck up on us; it seemed to arrive so quickly after all the drama passed. Now I was waking up on my bed, not in it. I couldn’t exactly remember that night, but I guess Bill and I were still in the clothes we were in last night, too tired to change into something else. I couldn’t really remember after what happened after Bill and I exchanged a few more apologies about all that happened that day.

The warm arms were still around me, just as they were the night before. Hearing his heavy breathing told me that Bill was still asleep. Slowly and quietly, I turned around, not wanting to wake Bill now. I was now on my other side, able to watch my husband sleep, I loved doing that. It was strange to say about a man, but he was beautiful. Every time I looked at him, it was so hard to believe that he actually loved me. I loved him, and he still seemed as flawless as the day we’d met. Even then, we had instant chemistry, and here we were, seven years later, and we were still together. After everything I’ve done, we were here, we proved most people wrong, and it felt good.

Without really thinking about it, I lifter my hand and placed it on Bill’s cheek for a second, before taking it away again. I just wanted to feel his skin on mine, it was my sweet desire, I dreamt of his touch, which made me long for it even more. He felt so warm against my hand, I was so cold, and I felt like I had been standing in the rain all night. When my hand touched him, he murmured something in his sleep, a small smile appearing on his lips as he slept. As if his smile was contagious, I smiled too. Time could have froze as I stared at him, I wouldn’t notice, I was taking in his perfect features, knowing that I’ve never fully appreciated him as I knew I should. Things have been better since last month, after we realized that we might not be together forever.

“Sam…” He mumbled quietly, his smile getting bigger as he started to move around.
“Bill!” I whispered back playfully, watching his eyes open groggily, looking up at my face immediately. We stared at each other, for what felt like an eternity, without saying a word. I think we were both still smiling like idiots for an unknown reason. I couldn’t decide where he looked more perfect, when he was asleep, or when he was awake and looking at me, the more time I spend with him, the more I realized how much I love him. He was my one. After a while, I grew tired of the silence, and by the looks of things, so was Bill. But unexpectedly, he was the one who spoke first.

“Good morning.” He whispered sweetly, taking my hand under the covers, squeezing it lightly. “Morning.” I replied, squeezing his hand back. Looking at him, I turned around again, allowing him to put his arms around me, pulling me into a hug. He locked his hands in mine, hugging me to his chest, I loved the closeness that we shared. My head was basically on his chest, I couldn’t remember the last time it felt like this, then he kissed my head softly. “So, what do you want to do today?” He asked quietly, breaking the spell he put me under. I thought for a moment, staring at the ceiling. It’s been a year since Tokio Hotel had done anything. Bill had files of songs, melodies and papers with Tom’s guitar cords, but they haven’t done anything.

Obviously they couldn’t go on tour because of Bill, and I’ve heard Tom express his concerns about letting their fans down. And now they still couldn’t do anything because Georg and Gustav were in Germany, only to return after Christmas. So being around our house, not really doing anything for this long bored me. I couldn’t really think of doing anything that sounded like fun, even if we lived in New York. “I don’t know…” I said truthfully, “Do you have anything in mind?” We lay there in silence as I waited for Bill’s answer. I almost burst out laughing when I felt Bill shake his head. “No, not really.” He admitted, “I was hoping you would.”

After that, neither of us spoke again, but I couldn’t say the silence bothered me. Sometimes it isn’t what you say that matters, I was just happy being in his arms, I could show him how much I loved him without saying a word. I almost drifted off to sleep again, but to my surprise, I felt Bill move behind me, turning to so that I was lying on my back. I opened my eyes then, curious about what Bill was up to, and when I did; he was already holding himself up over me. “Bill, what-?” I started to ask, but stopped once I felt Bill’s lips crash onto mine. When he pulled away, he looked at me, a mischievous smile playing on his lips. I sent him a confused look until his lips started to move from my jaw line to my neck, shoulders, and back up to my lips.

Planting a final soft kiss on my head, he rolled over and landed on the other side of our bed, chuckling when I let a soft moan escape my lips. I giggled along with him, sitting up for the fist time that morning. “What was that about?” I asked, breathless for the moment. He was grinning endlessly, sitting up too. “Wake up call.” He said smugly. My mouth fell open, before closing it a minute later, laughing now as he turned his back on me, getting up. I followed his example, getting up myself, running a hand through my hair first. Bill walked over to me, hugging me once more, I had no idea what was with him today, but I didn’t mind, I liked it.

Following our usual routine, Bill got to shower first, and I went to check on Lucy. Usually, she was up before us, but we were actually early today. I glanced at our clock as Bill walked into the bathroom; it was only 9AM, which is early for us. I walked down the hall, into Lucy’s room, where the door stood open. I was curious, walking into the room, only to find it empty. To make sure I looked round twice, but then stepped out of the room, thinking of placed our daughter might be. I didn’t have to look far though, for I found Lucy and Simone in the kitchen. Lucy was sitting on the counter, listening to Simone as she spoke while flipping something that looked like pancakes. It was strange, even though I’d only seen them last night, it felt like an eternity, I had almost forgotten about them being here.

It wasn’t hard to do that, they always said they didn’t want to be a nuisance, but they were the complete opposite. I always ended up feeling guilty when they stayed with us, they always made us feel like we were the guests, and I never thought that felt right. Even watching her now made me feel guilty. I walked forward, now I stood completely in the kitchen. Simone heard my footsteps and turned around, looking startled. “Sam!” She exclaimed, placing her hand on her chest, a small smile appearing on her face, “You’re up already? I wanted to surprise you and Bill.” I heard a hint of disappointment in her voice as she pointed to the plate of pancakes next to the stove. I smiled along with her, crossing my arms over my chest.
”Simone, you really didn’t have to!” I said softly.

“I wanted to, but now…” She said, looking up at me, “Unless you go back to bed…” She teased me, making me laugh. I shook my head, once I got out of bed, I couldn’t go back and Simone was perfectly aware of that. I looked at her once before she shrugged hopelessly, but still smiling the caring smile I’ve gotten used to. “Oh well, we could always eat in front of the television. Where’s Bill?” She asked, taking out two more plates. I turned around to look at our bedroom at the end of the hall, but I saw no one there. “He’s in the shower, I’m sure he’ll be done in a few minutes.” I answered, glancing back at Simone. I walked to the counter, towards Lucy. I kissed her as she hopped onto my hip and threw her arms around me. “Good morning, Mommy.” Lucy said quite calmly, which isn’t really normal for her.

I guess just going to sleep later than usual made her tired during the day, I hoped that she didn’t have the same problem tonight. I set her down on the floor as she ran into the living room, turning on the TV immediately, for the usual weekly cartoons. It used to be Saturday morning cartoons, but it was impossible to say that now since it was Wednesday. I turned to Simone, who was humming an unfamiliar melody, placing a couple of pancakes in each plate, but I noticed there were only three. Lucy ate her usual cereal every morning, no exceptions now, but there still weren’t enough. I looked behind me for a moment, realizing that I haven’t seen Gordon at all today. “Simone…” I said thoughtfully, “Where’s Gordon?”

She didn’t turn around this time, but answered cheerfully. “He said he wanted to visit his other granddaughter.” She laughed, “He says he doesn’t see them nearly enough.” I chuckled quietly, but a wave of guilt washed over me, we never took our children to see their grandparents in Germany. Simone and Gordon have been here for more than a week, and we’ve gotten so used to them being around, I think everyone’s going to miss them once they go home. I started to speak, but stopped when I felt someone’s arms wrap around me, which I took as Bill’s. “Morning Mom.” He greeted Simone with a smile. “Good morning honey, did you sleep well?” She asked casually, handing both of us a plate.
“I can’t really remember.” He said, scratching his head with a confused look on his face. I laughed loudly, taking his hand and pulling him into the room where our daughter was watching television. As I predicted, she sat on the floor, her bowl of cereal in front of her.

I sat down on the couch, and Bill being right behind me, he sat down next to me, pulling me as close to him as possible, kissing my head. After that, he let me go and continued eating his breakfast as I did. But after this morning, my smile just wouldn’t fade.

Tom’s POV

I sat at my kitchen table, twisting my hands together, deep in thought. Jami had called me earlier that morning; she told me that we needed to talk. I couldn’t tell what she was thinking by the tone of her voice, though it had a cold edge to it. I was worried because I knew once she made up her mind, there was no changing it, so I hoped that it was good. I was a bundle of nerves as I glanced at the clock continuously. She was supposed to be at the apartment at ten, which was still five minutes away, and Jami was never late.

It seemed to take forever, for a moment I thought that the clock had stopped working, but to my disappointment, it was still working. I couldn’t even stay busy, because every time I tried to do something, Jami or Bianca would always enter my mind at a random moment, distracting me completely. I stood up, walking to the front door, but stopping once I got there, my hand on the handle. I turned on my heel and walked away. It was more like pacing now, but I couldn’t decide whether I was impatient, or just curious. When I looked up at the clock again, it was exactly 10AM, and when I turned around, as if planned, where was a knock on the door.

I didn’t exactly feel relieved, if possible, I was even more stressed. I basically ran to the door this time, but stopped to catch my breath. I couldn’t even fake a smile as I opened the door quickly, and as I saw her, I noticed that Jami wasn’t smiling either. I couldn’t escape the feeling that this wasn’t going to be good, but for once, I hoped that I was wrong. She looked up at me, frowning; I could see that she was still thinking about whatever she was going to tell me. “Jami, come in.” I said quietly, it felt a little awkward to say that because this was still her home. She looked down at the floor and walked in, her hands in her jeans pockets.

She followed me into the next room, where we both sat down across from each other. I glanced at her; I wasn’t sure whether I should break the ice. When I looked up at her, she was staring motionlessly at the floor, showing no sign that she wanted to speak, but she took me by surprise. “Tom… I suppose you know why I’m here.” She said, not waiting for an answer. “I told you that I needed to decide where we go from here and I really don’t want to waste any time with this, it’s something that needs to be said.” Her voice was low and much colder than it was over the phone. The silence after that nearly drove me crazy; I knew she was going to hurt me now, so I didn’t see any point in trying to sugarcoat it.

“Last night, I thought of the past three years with you Tom, the first thing that came to mind, is the day we met. You lied to me in the fist hour, and I forgave you for that. But then you left me feeling like a one night stand to be with your wife, but I found that honorable.” She said, looking up at me, smiling softly, but as she started to speak again, it faded. “I love you, and I really hope you remember that, but I realized something. Ever since I’ve been married to you, I’ve never really been happy. I know you Tom, and that’s why I was so paranoid, I knew what you felt for Bianca, I could see it.” I stared at my hands, disappointed in myself. I didn’t even know how I felt about her until last night, but we made it so obvious that even my current wife could see it. I wanted to apologize to her, but I it would never be enough.

“I sort of pushed you away by trying to keep the two of you apart, but I’m done now. After last night, I decided that I deserved to be happy too, and so do you. I talked to my lawyer; I’m filing for a divorce.” She finished, leaving me speechless. It was one of those moments where I knew what was coming, but nothing compares to when the person actually tells you. All I could do was nod, Jami deserved to be happy, and I just regretted not being able to do that. She stood up, me following right behind her, “Jami, I’m sorry for everything, I mean it. I’ll always love you, and I wish it could’ve turned out differently.” I tried to stay calm, and smile, at least until she left.

She turned to me and smiled widely, now standing in front of the door. And suddenly, if we weren’t married for two years, as if she were my best friend or sister, she hugged me tightly. “Don’t be scared Tom,” She whispered, letting me go, “Just go for it, you’re made for each other.” Those were her final words before she walked out of that apartment, my eyes following her in amazement. I thought about her words as I turned around, walking back into the apartment. Made for each other? After everything we went through, was that possible for the world to see? Either way, I couldn’t help but hope she was right.