Stain My Rose With Scarlet Tears

I wasn’t sure how many times it happened that night, but it didn’t matter. It was impossible for me to stay calm, and I should have known better than to try. Every time my eyes would close, they would open again seconds later, afraid of missing something that could endanger us. Now wasn’t any different, and once again, I shot up straight.

In the darkness, I could still see Bill’s eyes on me. I knew that he had trouble sleeping too, but unlike me, he didn’t even try to fall asleep. He would lie perfectly still; the only thing audible was his breathing.

I ran a hand trough my hair, wiping sweat off of my forehead. I turned to Bill, raising a hand to my right check, feeling the wetness of my warm tears which were still running down my face. I turned my head towards my husbands, seeing him raise himself up on his arms, finally sitting up minutes later. I felt him move closer to me slowly, but at that moment, I couldn’t look at him. I looked around at the white walls of the room, taking in everything that used to make me feel safe.

It was a fact I had to learn to face soon enough, it was still the same place, but it wasn’t my home anymore. The fact that someone got in here like that, and knowing that they would come back, that was what kept me up the entire night.

Every time I would hear a car, or something that sounded like a door opening, I would shoot up straight, fearing of what might happen next. I felt Bill’s arms wrap around me, an attempt of calming me down. My lower lip quivered, as I felt tears well up in my eyes. Bill squeezed my arms gently, as I felt his lips against my cheek. I ran a hand over the bare skin of his chest.

“I- I thought I heard something...” I mumbled into his hair.

He pulled away form me for a moment, raising his hand up to my face, and wiping away the single tear I allowed to run down my face. He nodded in understanding, a concerned frown on his flawless face.

“Sam, you’re just scared. I think we all are... just go back to sleep.” He whispered.

He placed a loose strand of hair behind my ears as he said that, but at that moment, I started shaking my head violently. I knew I couldn’t go to sleep again, it wouldn’t help. I didn’t want to wake up in fear again; I didn’t want to be afraid. My dreams would be filled of visions of how our house now looked, or what might happen to my family, and I don’t want to see that, not even if it’s just a dream.

I started to move again, now sitting on my knees. I turned on the light next to my side of the bed and looked at Bill. His eyes were red as well, and he was looking at me intensely. He reached for my hand and laced his fingers with mine.

“I know we can’t do anything about this,” He said seriously, “but is it really the right thing just to sit here and wait?”

“We don’t know how dangerous these people are, Bill, if at all. What if it’s just a sick joke?”

I just wanted to look for any excuse not to take any of this serious. I knew there was a chance that someone thought doing this would be funny, but I hoped no one would ever go this far. Bill and I had enemies, and we knew it, but we never thought that anyone was able to do this to us. You’d never expect it.

“What if it’s not?” He shot back angrily.

There was a moment of silence, where Bill let go of my hand. He looked out the window, making me follow his gaze. The sun was rising behind the mountains. There were the nights where Bill and I used to stay up and watch it happen, he always said that sunrise and sunset were the most beautiful time of day, and that the colors amazed him. He once told me that it made him believe that he would find his happy ending one day when he was younger, and that he did.

If he could only really take a look at us now, he would know that we were far from our happily ever after. I thought that we were going to be okay again, but this thing only made everything worse for us.

“Sam, I’m just saying... we should be careful with these people, even if it is just a joke.”

I shook my head, taking a breath to swallow the new wave of tears threatening to escape my eyes. I was still angry, not at Bill, or at Simone or Gordon, I was just angry because of the fact that we would never be able to lead a normal, happy life. There would always be something that happened, and messing everything up.

“But there’s nothing we can do, you said so yourself!” I yelled at him, crossing my arms over my chest.

“Because it’s true.”

The moment he said that, he sounded calmer that before. I didn’t want to fight with him over something like this. I could always hear my father’s voice when Bill and I were fighting. He always told me that instead of fighting, that we should stick together, like a real family should. But back then, I didn’t have a real family, now I do.

I didn’t really know how to stick together at this point, when all I wanted was to lock myself up alone somewhere, just to clear my mind and figure everything out, but I didn’t even know where to start. No one knew where to find what we were looking for, and truthfully, I didn’t have the strength to wait for a clue. All my thoughts and movements seem to go on circles; I just keep going to back to the question of our children’s safety in this house.

I didn’t bother replying to Bill’s statement, I didn’t have anything left to say to him. I sent him one last look before swinging my feet off the bed, hopping onto the floor. Bill sent me a questioning look, but there was no use in explaining, I just hoped he would agree with what I was doing.

I felt around for the main light switch of the room, and turned it on. My first reaction was to winch at the sudden bright light in the room. I did the same once I left the room, and entered the hallway, pausing for a moment to allow my eyes to adjust to the light. I walked through the hall slowly, heading towards the kitchen counter.

My footsteps were quiet on the wooden floors, but still audible in the deadly quiet house. Behind me, I could hear Bill’s heavier footsteps as he followed me. I could feel his eyes on the back of my head.

A slight frown appeared on his face as he saw me reaching for the phone. Curiously, I glanced up at the clock, most people would be asleep at this time of day, but it couldn’t for another second. I picked it up and dialed the number I knew by heart, pressing the receiver against my ear, waiting for their phone to ring.

“Hello?” The voice answered after only two rings. I smiled as my best friend’s voice filled my ears. To my surprise, it didn’t sound like I woke her up, or that she was sleeping at all, she was awake as I was. I glanced up at Bill for a second before answering. Without a word, he gave me a slight nod and turned on his heel, and once again, started walking down the hall. I watched him for a second, while he slowed down in front of our daughter’s room. I loved that he was such a great father to her.

“Bianca?” I mumbled into the phone softly.

“Sam? You’re up? I should have known you weren’t going to get to sleep tonight,” She rambled on, “Are you okay?”

Once again, I couldn’t respond immediately. As the bedroom door closed at the end of the hall, and the lights were turned off, I felt the fear overwhelm me as I stood alone. I could see the light of our bedroom from underneath the door, but that was the closest to the light that I got.

“I- I don’t know anymore.” I whispered, my eyes dating around quickly. I felt like I should be looking for an unfamiliar silhouette in the darkness, because my mind told me that there was going to be one, “You’re right; I couldn’t get any sleep... I tried, but every time I heard something, I would wake up, and I was scared all over again.”

“I’m so sorry that this happened to you.” Bianca said, with a hint of anger in her voice.

“I don’t think I can go on like this, I can’t be so scared all the time,”

“Then maybe you don’t have to.”

At first, I didn’t really understand what she meant by that. For as long as this would carry on, I would be scared, especially in this house. I wished the house was lighter at that moment, and that all my friends and family were here with us, with the music playing loudly and the television on as loud as it could go. I missed the sound of groups of people talking. And at that moment, anything was better than the quiet I was stuck in. I walked over to the windows and pulled the curtains over, desperate for even a glimpse of the sun.

“What do you mean?” I asked, speaking a little louder.

“I spent the entire night thinking about it... I was worried about you guys. Gordon and Simone feel really guilty about everything, but it doesn’t mean they’re scared. And I don’t like the thought of all of you staying there with that threat still painted on the wall,
“I want you guys to stay with us until this is all over.” She declared, “As soon as possible, maybe even right now. I want you out of there, and I’m not taking no for an answer.”

I smiled to myself, grateful that I had a friend like Bianca with me in this life; she was always the one who kept my feet on the ground.

“Bianca, listen, thank you for wanting to do this, but Bill and I really couldn’t do that.”

“Please don’t start that again, you’re coming. This isn’t about you, it’s about goddaughter’s safety.” She said in a slightly joking tone of voice. “And if you won’t, we’ll move your things for you.”

I opened my mouth to object, but shut it immediately once I heard the dial tone. I let my hand fall to my side in disappointment and confusion, and looked down at the phone. I couldn’t understand why she would put down the phone.

I jumped in shock when I heard a loud knock on the front door, the feeling of my heart being stuck in my throat rising instantly. I was scared, because if they were the people who were here before, they wouldn’t just knock. I heard our bedroom door open swiftly; I was surprised to find out that Bill had heard the knock from the room. While he stormed to my sight, my family member’s faces rushed through my mind.

Closest to the front door, is where Simone and Gordon still slept, and just on the other side, was the part of myself that I loved most in the world. If anything would ever happen to Lucy, I would hold myself responsible for it.

Bill took my hand in a firm grasp, pushing me behind him. His steps were slow but big, and he stopped in front of the door. He turned to me with a nervous twinkle in his eye, one hand on the doorknob, the other still around mine. I paused, we were being very paranoid at that moment, but it was only natural for us to be that way. There was another knock, but softer than the fist one. I looked up at Bill and nodded slowly. I could almost hear the doorknob turn once he nodded back at me.

The door squeaked slightly from being opened so quickly, I didn’t realize I was holding my breath until I let out a sigh of relief. Looking at their faces, made me feel really silly about being so scared, but I knew, the next time it happened, I would react exactly the same way.

Bianca and Tom stood in front of us, both frowning, with their arms crossed, while Bianca held Charlie’s hand as she stood next to her in her pink pajamas. Without a word to them, only a glance of confusion, Bill moved out of the way to let them enter. They walked in, and stopped in the middle of the room and turned to us once again. “We’re not leaving here if you don’t come with us.” Tom stated clearly.

Bill turned to me, his eyebrows raised as if he was seriously considering it.

“What about Simone and Gordon? You don’t have room, maybe they should stay with you instead.” I suggested. I hated relying on other people, or stating with them. I felt like a parasite, and I liked being able to take care of myself.

“Sam, don’t start this,” Bianca started angrily; “We’ll ask Jazlene and Andreas if they could stay there, but I want you with us, like Tom said, we’re not leaving without you.”

I rolled my eyes irritably. At that moment, it felt like everyone was ganging up against me when Bill and Tom turned and walked into our bedroom, telling us that they were going to take our bags up to their apartment, since we never had the chance to unpack. Bianca turned to walk down the hall as well, leaving me standing there, alone. My eyes followed Bianca to where she stopped in front of Simone and Gordon’s door, knocking softly, whispering something to them.

I shrugged it off, walking to my daughter’s bedroom. I had no intention of waking her up; we had trouble getting her to sleep that night. I could find my way around her room with help from her blue nightlight, finding her cat on the bed, sleeping comfortably next to her. I leaned down, getting as close to Lucy as I could, and put a hand under her head, and another under her legs.

I moved the covers aside, jumping as the cat woke up. I picked Lucy up as gently as I could; taking the teddy bear Bill got her for her third birthday and placed it back in her arms, seeing the small smile that appeared on her face.

She wasn’t very heavy, which made it easy for me to carry her around. When I came out of her room, I found that Bianca had awoken Simone and Gordon, and that Bill and Tom both stood with suitcases on their hands. The sight saddened me, because it felt like we were leaving for good, even when I hoped we weren’t. I prayed that I was going to be able to sleep that night, when I wasn’t here.

In the dark, the threat on the wall was still impossible to miss, and I knew we were going to feel safer in Bianca and Tom’s apartment. I grabbed the house keys from the counter and stood aside while everyone walked passed me. I was the last to take a look at the ruined rooms behind me. I couldn’t believe that only two days ago, I called it my home.