Buried Myself Alive

He led the way up to the roof, humming to himself. I gripped the railing as he pushed the door open and held it open for me. The sky was clouded and the moon’s light barely shone through.

He attacked me with a huge hug. “Hah! I knew it! My gay-DAR is never wrong!” He freed me and did a little dance right there on the spot. I raised my eyebrow and stared at him. He stopped and looked at me, a cheesy smile on his face. “Wha-at?”

I had to laugh. It was too much. “You’re so gay.”

He hugged me again. “You are so right. I am so freakin’ happy right now!”

I rolled my eyes and pulled out my pack of cigarettes and my lighter. I pulled a stick out from the box and slipped it between my lips, lighting it with the small flame. “What did you really want to ask me?”

He groaned and mumbled. “Fine, ruin my moment.”

He walked toward me and grabbed the pack form my hand, stealing a cig to light for himself. “Now, you must tell me. What was that whole scene down there about? I mean you guys got to first base pretty quick.”

I breathed out, letting the smoke surround me. “I dunno. A lot of shit just happened so fast. I mean, it’s so weird. At the park we were arguing like mad, then I started um, anyway then he kissed me-”

His eyes went wide. “He kissed you?”

His mouth was hanging open a bit. “Everything. I need to know everything.”

I groaned. “Quinn! It’s personal. I’m not going to tell you about my first-”

He gaped at me. “First?! Are you fucking kidding me? You’re 17 and you never kissed anyone?”

I whined and looked down. “No..”

He laughed and said completely serious, “Nice, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah..” I had to admit it, but it was so much more then nice.

~~

Quinn opened the door and walked into his apartment. I followed him and closed the door. I saw he was smiling he looked at me and put his finger to his lips. “Shh..”

I followed his gaze and saw Mikey, arms around Gerard and both sound asleep. I yawned. The scene in front of me reminded me I was fucking wiped. Quinn saw this.

“You know, if you want you can take my bed. Don’t say no either.” He waved his hand at me to follow him into his room. He slid the door to his closet open and started fishing for whatever he was looking for.

He turned to me after a few minutes and held a pair of navy blue sweatpants and a bubble gum pink shirt. I held the shirt up and looked at him with my eyebrow up. “I don’t want to know.”

He laughed. “Don’t complain, man. Just wear it.”

I threw it over my shoulder and it occurred to me that if I was using his bed he had no where to sleep. “Where are you gunna-” He shrugged and looked toward the door.

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll crash with Jepha, he won’t care.” I nodded and began to lift my shirt up.

“Hey! Hey! Save the stripping for Gerard!” He laughed.

I pulled my shirt up over my head and threw it at him. “Oh, shut the fuck up why don’t you!”

Quinn threw my shirt back at me and walked into Jepha’s room, kicking the door closed with his foot. I undid my pants and kicked them off, pulling the sweatpants on. I dropped back onto the bed. I can’t believe I made out with him twice today. I mean, holy shit.

I growled at myself. My whole life was becoming so weird. It was almost… normal? I’ll need a job or something though. I can’t live off of Jepha like this. Ugh, what day is it? I can’t remember last time I looked at a calendar. I blinked and rolled over to face the door. I smiled knowing he’s out there.

I watched the news this morning didn’t I? Nothing. I have no clue what day it is. Kids were outside today, so either it’s still summer vacation or it’s a weekend. There’s Mikey too, he’s still here. I rolled back over and faced the ceiling.

But it’s freezing out, no way it’s August. It has to be September.. Or even October? Shit. I yawned and quit staring at the ceiling and closed my eyes. It has to be September, it can’t be October…

I managed to slip under he covers. Not my birthday yet…

I pushed my head against the pillow. Not another year…

I took in another deep breath. Not another year without her.