Buried Myself Alive

“Heylo, my lovely roomies!!” He skipped toward us and flung himself into the space left between me and Quinn.

I looked at Quinn. He looked at me. Suddenly we both started laughing. I loved how my laugh sounded, and I don’t care how vain I sound right now but I loved it. The way it felt shaking through me. It dawned on me that I had felt this before. Well I mean today. When I was talking to … Gerard.

I gulped remembering him asking me if I had a girlfriend. The whole night flooded back into my head. I had forgotten about everything except me, my shit past, Quinn, Bert, and Beer. I realized Quinn never answered my question about what he sad to Gerard. I forgot I even asked that.

I stopped laughing, hating how my memory could remember things I hated to remember but forget things I wanted to remember.

Jeph leaned back and lifted his feet onto the wooden coffee table that was in front of the couch. “Soo whatcha ladies been talkin’ about??”

Quinn flicked his head which made Jepha laugh again.Then Jeph turned and looked at me. He gave me this huge smile.

“What the fuck? Do you always just SMILE or are you just high??” My questioning made him start giggling. And I must say it was one of the weirdest fucking giggles I’ve ever heard.

Quinn was bored. Well he might not have been bored, but he looked it. Just like he looked bored when we were at the bar.

“Frankk! Frank. Frank! Frank… Did Quincey here kiss you?”

I stared at Jeph. The beer was talking now, it took him how long to get drunk?? I saw Quinn’s head turn. He blushed slightly.

“Fuck you, Jepha.” Jeph smirked at Quinn’s comment.

“I know you’d like to but I’m not that into guys my little Quincey.” Quinn blushed again. Jepha stood up and walked into his bedroom.

Thump

Quiet snoring started coming from one of the bedroom’s. I looked at Quinn, his face was bright red after all the words that came out of Jeph’s mouth.

“I-I’m sorry about him.” I shook my head.

“Quinn, don’t worry about it. I know what it’s like around drunk guys.” Quinn nodded.

“Hey, can I ask you something?” He nodded again. God I felt like I just kept talking and talking. I only said about three sentences. Am I that socially deprived?? I sighed.

“Do you remember when we first got in the car I asked you what you had… said to Gerard?”

Quinn’s eyes darkened slightly. He was remember what happened tonight too. “I was mad, of course. You understand. I still.. love Bert. So naturally I was hurt when I saw Gerard actually kiss him back. It really just it tore my insides apart..”

He looked so sad and hurt. Then he smiled and looked at me with this childish look that said I know something you don’t know.

“I don’t know if you’d want to know this… but Gerard was staring at you before he kissed Bert.” He giggled lightly.

I felt my stomach tighten. “I-What do you mean??”

He sighed and looked at me as though I couldn’t solve a two piece puzzle. “Well it was kind of the reason I got pissed at him too.. But well if you didn’t notice before, Gerard’s not all that straight. He likes you, you know. Well at least I think he does.”

I could feel the heat in my cheeks even though I didn’t mean to blush. I hated when I blush. I feel so… gay. God. I did not just say that. Think that. Whatever I did that.

Quinn laughed softly. “I told Gerard if he wanted a kiss he could get it himself from you and not from my boyfriend.”

I blinked. Why the FUCK would he say that.

“Of course I was pissed when I said it so it came out like, ’I saw you watching Frank. If you want a fucking kiss get it from your own guy. Not my fucking boyfriend.’”

I sat there. Doing absolutely nothing. I mean really nothing, not thinking, not breathing, nothing. I think Quinn noticed and shoved me back.

Gasp

I pulled in air before I actually passed out. “What the HELL, Frank!”

His eyes were staring at me. I felt so... just plain weird. I can't describe it. “I-”

I didn’t know what to say. I just felt my heart starting to speed up, a fist painfully pounding my insides, and the room was spinning a little bit. Okay note to self; Do not stand up.

“I’m sorry I placed you on the spot, you’re probably not gay are you? I gotta keep my fucking mouth shut. He probably didn’t LIKE like you. He just I don’t know….”

I didn’t care that he was trying to fix his slip. I’m glad he slipped. Well inside I was anyway. I think. Oh god I’m really confused. He’s a GUY for Pete’s fucking sake!

“Umm, Quinn? I think I’m gunna.. I'll just hit the hay…” Did I really just say that? Wow, that doesn't scream geek.

Quinn stood up, his head down so I couldn’t see his eyes. Oh shit, don't tell me I hurt him! Hiding behind your hair is like a fire alarm for the want to hide. *cough* I would know.. He headed into a door across from the room Jepha had crashed in.

“Hey Frank?” He called to me as soon as he opened his door. I could see clothes thrown all over the floor. Such a regular room for a guy who's gay. You'd figure it be as neat as a dude with OCD and like fucking color coded. Oh and I can't forget those magic label things. Yeah ignore random thought ramble.

“Yeah, Quinn?” He didn’t turn to look at me.

“Thanks for listening to my shit.” He was thanking me? And he truly meant his thank you, I could hear the touch of sadness and happiness twisted into his voice. Opposites in one thing. But both of them emotions. Kind of like the ice cream my mom bought for my on my 7th birthday. A chocolate-vanilla twist. Both exact opposites but both ice cream.

Fuck I have weird analogies.

“It’s no problem, dude. I should be the one thanking you.” Now he looked up, his hair just barely showing his eyes.

“For what?” I gave a smile knowing he’d understand my answer.

“For letting me know I’m not alone.”

He smiled at me in return. He walked into his room. Right before he closed his door he turned back to me again. “You’re a corny guy but you are too cute.”

We both laughed. He had his voice in a gay pitch. Which kinda freaked me out, but it didn't at the same time. “Goodnight, Frankie!”

I giggled at the childish nickname. “Night, Quincey!!”

I heard a soft laugh before the door closed and I was left in the quiet, still lite living room. I grabbed the leather pillows from the couch and put them behind my head. I left my hoodie on since it was somewhat chilly in the room. Heat must not be on.

I stood up and walked over to the switch where I saw Quinn switch on the lights by the door. I looked around the room where I would probably be spending many more nights in. I sighed. I was safe. For now, I was safe.

I flipped the switch and walked back over to the couch, throwing myself onto it’s softness. I stared up at the ceiling before closing my eyes, and smiled to myself. Heh, smiling. I knew my life was never going to be the same.