Even Forever Doesn't Seem Like Long Enough

We'd dropped Brendon off at home straight after we were done because he had to work soon after.

On the way home, I got the third degree from Ruby and Hannah (again) because they 'needed' to know why I hadn't told, when I was going to and how I should tell Brendon about my leukaemia.

I'd sped up, breaking the speed limit by almost ten miles an hour, just so I could get Hannah out of the car and knock the Spanish Inquisition down to an attack on only one front.

I had to live with Ruby so I couldn't exactly get away from her so easily.

Thank God for my mother, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to catch a break from Ruby's incessant nagging.

"Girls! Dinner's ready!" She called from the kitchen.

"Sorry Rubes, dinner time, you'll have to shut up for a while, while we eat our food," I grinned innocently at her before jumping off the couch to my feet, "Whoa, dizzy spell," I stood still, holding my head and closing my eyes as the red spots got less aggravated and eventually faded.

"Are you alright?" Ruby placed her hands on my shoulders.

"Yeah," I nodded, feeling well enough to walk again, "Yeah, I'm good,"

She looked at me, unsure and worried, but followed me into the kitchen anyway.

We thanked our mum and sat down at the table.

"So, girls, how were your days?" Mum asked with a kind smile before she took in a forkful of food.

"Great," I beamed, "We went skydiving, it was so amazing,"

"Yeah, I can't believe I haven't done it before today," Ruby agreed.

"Good,"

"You should've come with us mum," I added.

"Oh no sweetie, I'm a bit too old for that now," She chuckled.

"You're never 'too old' to try something like that,"

She laughed airily again and continued eating, "How're things with that Brendon boy?" She began. She always felt she needed to keep up conversation.

"They're going really well," I responded, "It's been fun,"

"Did you tell him?" Mum's eyes barely came up from her plate. I glanced over at Ruby and she shrugged as if to say 'you made the mess, I'm not helping'.

"Amber?" Mum called.

"Well-"

She let out a dry laugh, "You haven't told him. Amber, I thought I said-"

"I tried mum! I did try but I couldn't," I sighed, crossing my arms over my chest, "I was being selfish and I think I deserve to be a little selfish in my situation,"

"You can be selfish with your time Amber, but you cannot be selfish when it comes to other people's feelings!" She growled warningly, "Now, eat your food,"

"I'm not hungry," I grumbled, pushing back the chair as I stood up and heading out of the room.

"Amber!" Mum called after me but I ignored her, jumping up the stairs, slamming and locking my bedroom door.

Collapsing onto my bed, I let out a loud despondent sigh as I embedded a hand into my copper red hair. Noticing it was greasy, I grimaced and got up from the bed, grabbing fresh pyjamas and leaving my room for the bathroom.

I stood in the shower for about half an hour longer than necessary as my thoughts went a million miles an hour through my head- and yet I still found the time to smile when Brendon came to mind.

Was I being too selfish about this whole thing? Surely I was allowed to be a little selfish but, like my mother said, I was being selfish with Brendon's feelings and that wasn't right.

I knew that much.

Eventually, I turned off the shower and sullenly got ready before heading into my room. I threw my hair up after drying it to get it out of my way and fell back onto my bed. Taking my phone from the bedside table, I flicked through my contacts before landing on Brendon's number.

Grazing my thumb back and forth over the button, I eventually sighed in defeat and closed my phone, throwing it on the bed.

I was being ridiculous if I was thinking I could tell him something like that over the phone.

Yawning, I cuddled down into my pillow and close my eyes just for a short rest.

Third Person P.O.V

Pauline frowned in distaste as her youngest daughter flounced out of the room and stomped up the stairs, unnecessarily loudly. She rolled her eyes and sighed.

Wincing as she slammed the door to her bedroom, slammed it open again and eventually slammed the bathroom door, Pauline threw down her cutlery in despair.

"What am I supposed to do?" She huffed.

"Just leave her mum, she's so upset over the fact she has to tell Brendon she's taking it out on everyone else," Ruby replied.

Eventually finishing their food and scraping off Amber's discarded left-over's into the bin, Pauline wandered upstairs in search of her daughter. Noticing that the bathroom was empty, she headed for Amber's bedroom. She knocked very gently before pushing open the door to see Amber cuddled into her bed.

Pauline smiled, feeling her heart swell with adoration for the girl. Not only because she was her daughter but because of the strength that Pauline never knew Amber had. She admired her for putting on the front because, even though she wouldn't admit it, Amber was scared deep down inside.

She was scared that she wasn't going to see tomorrow so she lived today recklessly and almost thoughtlessly.

Pauline wandered over to the bed and sat down on the edge causing Amber's legs to tilt towards her due to the indentation in the bed. As she scanned Amber's face, she noticed there were a few beads of sweat on her forehead.

Frowning, she reached over and touched it. It was hotter than it should've been.

Pauline felt her heart and her stomach sink. She knew Amber must have caught something and it frightened her.

After the research she'd done, she'd come across information that told her, with patients with leukaemia, the slightest virus can cause an infection that could worsen and even be fatal.

Fatal.

Pauline dreaded that word. She despised the fact that her daughter was being taken from her and she could do nothing about it. She knew she was going to lose her but she couldn't accept it.

She wouldn't accept it.

Amber's P.O.V
Two Days Later

So I got sick...

I wasn't exactly sure where I got it from but it was a cold so I could've gotten it from anywhere.

The only upside of being sick meant that I didn't have to see Brendon which meant that I wouldn't be forced to tell him the truth.

But then again, it was a bad thing because I missed him like hell.

My mum even confiscated my phone. Apparently, I might get my germs on the phone and re-catch my disease once it's gone. I didn't believe her but I felt way too sick to fight back.

This was the worst cold I'd ever had (it probably had something to do with the fact my leukaemia had developed worse than it was when I had my last cold), it was making me throw up even though I hadn't eaten anything (because eating made me throw up) and I felt like my head was about to explode and splatter all the built up goo in my nose around the room.

Apologies for the disgusting analogy but that was what I felt like.

At that moment, I was sprawled out on my bed, the covers entangled with my body and a lethargic feeling spread through my entire body. A few seconds later there was a knock at the door. I let out a very pathetic 'come in' before coughing frantically.

"Well, aren't we the picture of health?" A very sarcastic voice echoed as the door opened. I shot up into a seating position, holding my head as it ached painfully.

"Brendon! What're you doing here?!" I exclaimed hoarsely.

"I came-" He took a step closer and I squealed pointing at him dramatically.

"No! Stay there!" I flung the quilt over my head, "I'll infect you!" My voice must've been muffled to him.

I heard him chuckle slightly, "As I was saying," I felt the quilt being ripped off me, "I came to see you. You weren't picking up your phone and I got worried until I bumped into Hannah. She said you were ill so I thought I'd come and help you feel better,"

"That's sweet Brendon, really, but I don't want to get you sick," I scooted away from him, my back becoming shoved against the headboard as he sat on the edge of the bed.

"Considering you've been cooped up in here for about two days I think it's safe to assume the massive build up of germs will have gotten me by now. Besides, it's just a cold, I think I'll get over it," He smirked at me.

"Brendon. This isn't just a cold- This is a superhuman, Satan cold from hell!"

He stared at me blankly for a second before he burst into laughter, "You're so dramatic," He crawled over to me and grabbed hold of me, pulling me into him, "It's too late now, I've caught it,"

"No! You can save yourself if you leave now!" I held my hand to my forehead theatrically and fell back onto the quilt.

He shook his head and reached over to the bedside table before shrugging, "Okay, then I'll just have to go home and eat these chocolates on my own then," He must've put them there when I threw the quilt over my head.

My head shot up, "Chocolates?" I was instantaneously intrigued, "You never said anything about chocolates,"

He smirked playfully, "Yeah, and they're all for me,"

"But- But- But," I stammered before jutting out my lip in an attempt to make him feel guilty, "I'm sick,"

"I know, that's why I'm not giving you the chocolates," He pulled them away from my reach as I grabbed at them.

"Please?" I begged, reaching over further to grab at them.

He giggled and shook his head stubbornly, falling back a little to hold them out further.

Even when I got up chest to chest with him he still kept them out of reach.

"Brendon, be nice to me!" I whined, taking my eyes off the chocolate box to meet his. Suddenly, I was aware of our closeness and my breathing fell shallow. My heart raced violently and he smiled slightly.

"I'm always nice to you- how could you even think I'd ever be anything different?" He smirked barely noticeably.

"Then can't you give me the chocolates?" I pouted.

"Say, please," He whispered.

"Please?"

He shook his head, "That's not the kind of please I was looking for," I could see the playfulness and suggestiveness in his eyes.

"But, I'm sick," I coughed feebly.

He shrugged, "Your point being?" His free hand trailed my cheek before it stopped, gently pressing into my neck.

I reached up and rubbed our noses together before I touched our lips for a few seconds, then planted gentle kisses down his jaw and onto his neck, "Please?" I breathed after I'd kissed up his neck to his ear.

A smile gradually appeared on his face, "A kiss would've done but yeah, you can have them,"

Hiding my smile as I noticed how flustered he'd become, I gratefully took the box from him and I got into a more comfortable position with him- Up with our backs to the headboard with his arm around my shoulder as I cuddled into him.

"So, what's it like having to stay in being sick instead of being in the outside world being your normal self?"

I huffed dramatically, "Awful, sickness is completely ruining my plans. How's being in the outside world without me?" I asked biting into a chocolate.

"Totally boring," He shrugged, "What plans, exactly, do you have that sickness is destroying?"

"Well, I was meant to plant my tree yesterday but I was too sick to do that and I was going to do loads of other stuff but I can't book it or anything because I don't know how long this stupid thing is going to last," I replied stuffily.

"What other stuff?" He questioned, stealing one of my chocolates and biting into it with an innocent smile.

Briefly glaring at him, I sighed again, "I wanted to go on holiday,"

"Cool," He rested his chin on the top of my head, "Where to?"

"Italy, hopefully, but I have to wait until I'm better,"

"When do you think that'll be?"

Shrugging, I slid one of my arms around his waist, "Not soon enough,"

"It's only a cold Ambs; surely it'll be gone in a week,"

"I have a really bad immune system- it'll take a long time for this to go,"

"Dinner Amber," My mum nudged open the door, which she found to be difficult with a tray before she wandered over to us, "Brendon, you shouldn't get so close, you'll catch what she has,"

Brendon chuckled lightly, "It's too late now; I've already taken it in,"

My mum rolled her eyes and I sat up so she could put the tray over my lap, "Your tablets are there, take them before you've eaten your food and I'll be back up in a bit to check on you," With that, she headed off out of the room.

"Are you in work today?" I enquired as I swallowed my tablets.

"Yeah, I am tonight,"

"What time are you going to leave then?"

"Are you trying to get rid of me?" He joked.

"Maybe," I laughed, "Just kidding. I'm just wondering how long we have before you need to leave,"

"Well, I've got time to watch a movie if you fancy it?" He suggested.

"That's a great idea," I agreed with a grin.

He'd only been with me for about ten minutes and he'd already made me feel better.

----------------

At around five-thirty Brendon had to leave.

I was very reluctant to let him go, we were having such a good time watching the film, well apart from half-way through when my body suddenly felt the need to regurgitate the meal I'd eaten earlier.

Brendon had pulled back my hair and rubbed my back comfortingly through the whole ordeal, like the gentleman he was.

But, like I mentioned, he had to leave to get ready for work. He'd reassured me plenty that he'd be back the next day though, claiming he might as well come see me because I'd already gotten him sick.

I highly doubted it though- my immune system was almost fully destroyed; that was the only reason my cold was as bad as it was, he would get over it quicker.

He was just looking for an excuse... Not that I was complaining.

The Next Day

Brendon came back just as he promised but I was sleeping when he arrived so he decided to take a nap with me.

And let me tell you something, Brendon Urie's sleeping form is one of the best things to wake up to of a morning. He wasn't in a very deep sleep so he woke up as I shifted slightly.

"Hey," I smiled.

"Hello," He mumbled sleepily, snuggling down a little before wiping groggily at his eyes.

"How did I end up here?" I questioned, gesturing to our cuddled position.

He shrugged, "I lay down here and you shifted to use me as a pillow,"

"Well you're a very comfortable pillow," I let my head return to the previous position instead of looking up at him. I sighed blissfully as he began to run his fingers through my hair.

"Thanks," He chuckled slightly.

"How was work?"

"Okay, thanks, just a concert, nothing out of the ordinary,"

"You must be going deaf from going to concerts all the time," I stated, playing with the hem of his shirt.

"What?"

I went to repeat myself but noticed he was smirking evilly at me.

"Oh," I scoffed, hitting him playfully, "You think you're funny,"

He laughed and tightened his grip on me, pulling me closer, "I know I'm funny,"

We lay there in silence for a while, holding each other tight. I didn't want to let him go.

"God, you're hands are freezing," Brendon shivered as my fingers grazed his stomach as I fiddled with his shirt's hem.

"Sorry," I pulled my hands away but he took them in his, rubbing them to try to warm them up.

"Don't be sorry, it's not your fault," He chuckled. I squirmed my way up so that I was face to face with him and looked into his eyes.

"What?" He raised his eyebrow, uncomfortable at my gaze.

Shaking my head, I shrugged, "Nothing, I'm just looking," I reiterated my words from a while back.

"At what?"

"You," I stated as if it were obvious- which it actually was.

"Stop it, you're scaring me," He joked, letting one of my hands go and pushing back my hair.

I leaned forward and attached our lips quickly before pulling back and staring at him again, "I seriously can't help it,"

He laughed before we stared at each other for a while, small smiles occurring every now and again.

"I really missed you, you know," He added seriously.

"I missed you too, you were making me feel better and then you left and I was helpless and sick again,"

"You're helpless and sick now,"

"Yeah, but I'm happy," I shrugged, snuggling back down on his chest.

We didn't stay in that position for long though because he soon wanted to get up after a text message. And apparently he was taking me with him.

"Come on," He rubbed my arm slightly and sat up, forcing me to go with him.

"What?" I frowned as he swung his legs to the floor and got to his feet, "Where are we going?" I stared blankly as his hand when he offered it to me.

"It's a surprise," He grinned.

"But I'm sick, I can't go outside," I replied.

"It's not far, I promise,"

"I can't,"

"Amber," He looked me straight in the eyes, "Just come with me- Please?" He added with a small smile and those irresistible pleading eyes.

My whole insides melted and I sighed in defeat, "Ugh, man! It's so unfair that you can use that look on me!" I huffed, "Fine," I grabbed his hand and he hauled me up from the bed, "Just give me a few minutes to get ready,"

----------------

"So where exactly are you taking me?" I questioned.

"We're almost there just wait for a while," He responded, turning another corner.

I recognised my surroundings but I couldn't figure out why we were here. But soon enough he'd parked and was around my side of the car, opening my door for me. I thanked him and he put his arm around my waist, leading me off to our destination.

"I'm trying to piece it all together but I really can't, it's so frustrating," I huffed.

"Amber, why can't you just stop thinking and let me surprise you?" He frowned at me.

"Fine," I rolled my eyes and he led me further before stopping, I gazed at the forest scene in front of me, "Okay, right, it's a forest, I still don't get it," I looked up at him in confusion.

"Amber, Brendon, over here!" I heard another voice join the conversation and I knew it was Hannah's. I looked over and saw her waving us over.

"Why is Hannah here?" I muttered. Brendon ignored me and led me over to her. As we rounded a tree I saw Hannah in a clearing, a small hole dug in the ground beside her. Looking up at Brendon, still as confused as ever, I frowned, "I still don't get it,"

"Well, you said you wanted to plant a tree so..." He trailed off, gesturing to the hole in the ground as Hannah stepped to the side, revealing a baby tree that was behind her.

"We figured if you didn't do as much of the digging and stuff then you wouldn't feel as bad with being sick and all," Hannah explained.

My expression softened and my gaze wandered between the two of them. It was such a small gesture but it actually meant so much to me because, even though Brendon didn't know, they were helping me with my list. They were helping me complete my last wish on earth.

I sniffled slightly and wandered over to Hannah, pulling her into a hug and squeezing her tight, "Thank you so much,"

"Hey, don't get upset," She rubbed my back.

"I'm not, I'm happy," I squeezed her once and then let go before turning around, curling my finger at Brendon in a way that told him to come closer. He complied and I quickly shouted to Hannah that she might want to turn away.

"Why does she have to turn away?" Brendon questioned as he reached me. I hooked my fingers in his jacket pockets and pulled our bodies together as he wrapped his arms around me.

"So I can thank you," I replied, pushing my lips to his forcefully and passionately, embedding my hands in his hair.

"I didn't know a tree could mean so much to you," He breathed as I pulled away.

"You have absolutely no idea," I caught his lips slowly and pulled away fully before turning to Hannah who had her hands clamped over her eyes.

"Can I look again now?" She questioned. I giggled and pulled her hands from her face.

With a little help from the two of them, we put the tree in the hole and then covered the roots back over with the earth. We said goodbye to Hannah by her car and I gave her a five minute long hug until she pushed me off because she couldn't breathe. Brendon then drove us back to my house where we eventually ended up back in my room; back to the position we were in previously- snuggled together on my bed.

"Do you have to leave me for work again tonight?" I enquired, playing about with his fingers as my head lay on his stomach.

"Not tonight, no, I'll go when it gets too late,"

I turned my head so my cheek was against his stomach as I looked at him, "Do you have to go?" I asked timidly. He ran his fingers through my hair as he shook his head.

"Not if you don't want me to," He responded, "And if it's alright with your mum,"

I smiled and turned to look back up at the ceiling, "She won't mind; we won't be doing anything," I heard him chuckle in response to this.

"Not as long as you can keep your hands off me," He joked, smirking at me.

"I think I can control myself," I retorted. He laughed and then he looked intrigued before he grabbed hold of my wrist.

"I completely forgot you had tattoos done," He turned over my hand to reveal the first of three he would find. He trailed his thumb over the word 'live' that was etched under my skin.

"You still have to find the others,"

"There's more than one?"

I nodded, "I have three,"

"This could be a fun game,"

I smiled before hauling myself up from the bed, announcing I had to go to the bathroom before leaving the room. When I came back, Brendon was sitting in the middle of the bed, his legs crossed as he held an envelope in his hands.

"What's that?" I asked, sitting down beside him.

He held it out to me, "It's for you. Open it,"

I carefully took it from him and opened it up, pulling out the contents and gasping as I recognised what they were.

Flight 412
Flight Time: 9:00am
Date: March 10th 2009
Destination: Italy

As my eyes scanned the words, I glanced up at Brendon's uneasy expression before breathing out, "Oh my God,"

To Do List1. Buy flowers for mum and help them understand.
2. Have a space hopper race.
3. Swim with dolphins.
4. Hold a charity night.
5. Get drunk & sing loud and out of tune on karaoke.
6. Ride the biggest, fastest, highest rollercoaster
7. Go to the highest point in the city at night to see the lights
8. Sleep under the stars
9. Crowd surf
10. Meet favourite band
11. Sky-dive
12. Plant a tree

Twelve down, thirteen to go.

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When I'm with you
I'll make every second count
'Cause I miss you
Whenever you're not around
When I kiss you
I still get butterflies years from now
I'll make every second count
When I'm with you

Faber Drive- When I'm With You

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