Even Forever Doesn't Seem Like Long Enough

"Are you serious?" I gaped at him, utterly astounded.

"Of course I am, those tickets aren't fake you know," Brendon replied light-heartedly, "I got two because I figured you wouldn't want to go alone so you can take Hannah or Ruby with you. They wouldn't have to pay me back, neither would you for that matter, but you'll have to let them fight it out to decide," He rambled.

I was still staring in awe at the two tickets in my hand, "This is crazy," I breathed.

"It's in, like, a week and a half too, so even if you're not better by then, I think you'll be well enough to go so, yeah," He shrugged.

"I honestly have no idea what to say,"

"As long as it isn't 'I can't go' or anything along those lines you can say whatever you like," He pushed some of my hair behind my ear, "You have to make sure that you have the best time ever... And you have to bring me back a present,"

Shudders and tingles overtook my whole body as his fingers brushed the skin on my neck.

"I have to bring you back a present?" I scoffed, "You're not getting a present,"

He stuck out his lower lip, pouting adorably, "Why?"

"Because you can buy your own," I replied, "If I'm going, Brendon, you're coming with me,"

"No, its fine, you'll have a lot more fun if you go with Hannah or Ruby, or whichever friend you choose," He waved his hand dismissively.

"No, it's not fine," I frowned, pushing the tickets to one side before I shuffled over to him and sat in his lap, curling my arms around his neck, "I'm not going to let you do this for me and not get something out of it; it's a lot of money,"

"Ambs, it's enough to know that you're enjoying yourself- I'm giving you back what being sick has taken away from you,"

I felt my eyes filling up again. It was ridiculous how emotional I was getting. But I think that the added feeling of guilt, that he didn't know me as well as he thought he did, was making it worse.

"Don't go crying on me," He joked. I chuckled slightly, sniffling and forcing my tears back.

"I won't if you agree to come with me. Technically it's your ticket because you bought it, so you should come," I began twiddling with a few strands of his hair. His arms locked securely around my waist.

"But what if I can't get the time off work?"

"Fuck work!" I exclaimed and he frowned disapprovingly at me, "Sorry, I mean..." I paused briefly, "The side of Brendon that I never knew existed has been shown these past few days and that side can't go back in to its hidey-hole," I placed my hand on his chest, "I'd miss it too much. I want to see all of Brendon Urie. So whether you call in sick or you just take the week off, you're coming with me, alright?" I said sternly.

He smirked at me, "Who knew you were so dominant?"

I growled seductively before laughing and leaning towards him, my lips staying the slightest distance from his, "So will you come?"

He leaned his forehead on mine and smiled, "I guess so, if you really want me to,"

I squealed in excitement and crushed our lips together, pulling him closer as he slid my body over and up against his own.

Catching my breath as I pulled back, I whispered, "Yeah, I really want you to," I felt a rush of some very strong emotion rocket through my body when his hands slid underneath my shirt and began to trace patterns on the skin of my back, "We'll have an amazing time,"

"I'm sure we will," He shot me a beaming smile and fell back into a lying position on the bed, pulling me with him. I squeaked slightly but settled down.

"You really are comfortable, you know,"

"Consider me your own personal pillow,"

"I already do," I looked up at him and grinned innocently at him, "Hey... You know the way I'm sick and everything?"

He nodded, "Yeah,"

"Well, what happens if you get sick before we go?"

"I'm sure I'll be able to handle it, really," He rolled his eyes, stating, "I bet this cold isn't as bad as you're making it out to be. I bet it's just the sniffles and you're making it out to be a vengeful, spiteful flu from hell,"

"Hey!" I exclaimed, "You know what? I hope you do get this now and it's even worse, and when you're cooped up in bed feeling awful and sick I'm going to come to your house and I'm going to laugh in your face!"

He burst into laughter and shook his head, "My God, each thing you come out with is more insane than the last,"

I glared at him and pushed away from him, turning over so I was facing the opposite wall, "I really hate you sometimes," I huffed.

"No you don't," He disagreed, snaking his arm around my waist and pressing our bodies together, "You couldn't hate me even if you wanted to," He added knowingly, brushing his lips over my neck after using his fingers to move my hair away.

I couldn't help but smile at the feelings that were going through my body.

"See," His tone was triumphant, "I make you smile way too much, for you to hate me,"

"It's so unfair!" I huffed, turning over in his arms to come face to face with him, "I can't even fake hate you!"

He chuckled, "I would've thought that was a good thing but hey, whatever, I'm not even going to try to understand how your mind works,"

I smiled and cuddled into his chest, holding him tight, staying silent for a few minutes before muttering inaudibly, "I'm sorry,"

"Huh?" He didn't hear me.

"Nothing," I shook my head, "Never mind,"

I wouldn't have been able to explain to him why I was sorry if he'd have heard me. Not without bursting into tears.

But I did make a promise to myself at that point- I was going to tell him before we went to Italy.

March 10th 2009
6am

"My God, I actually think I'm going to die," I groaned as I lugged my suitcase down the stairs.

"Why?" Brendon frowned but laughed airily all the same.

"Because it's six in the freaking morning, I'm absolutely knackered and sleep deprived and I'm pulling a suitcase that's twice my weight down the stairs- If you were doing this, you'd be about to die too,"

"Well if you didn't pack your suitcase so it weighed twice as much as you then you wouldn't be having this problem, would you?" He shrugged nonchalantly, taking my suitcase from me with ease and placing it on the floor, "And you should be a little quieter, everyone's still asleep,"

"Ruby deserves it for waking me up last week and all of the stuff in there is important," I gestured to the case.

"Like what? The million and one pairs of shoes?" He smirked.

"I want to throw something at you right now," I glared playfully and finished my journey down the stairs.

"Well thank you, you're so nice to me," He rolled his eyes and I curled my arms around his neck. He automatically wrapped his arms around my waist.

"I'm sorry, I'm just a little cranky this morning," I scrunched up my nose slightly.

"I've noticed," He chuckled, "But we'll be on holiday soon enough and you won't be cranky anymore- you'll be the normal, wacky, spontaneous loveable girl that I know and adore,"

"Aw, you adore me?" My heart melted.

"Well..." He trailed off, shrugging timidly, "What's not to adore?"

I pushed up on my feet, joining our lips together.

The man was a total sweetheart.

Pulling back, his lips gently touched my nose, "We'd better get going otherwise we won't get there on time,"

Sighing, suddenly feeling awake and cheered up, I pulled away from him and went to get my suitcase.

"Let me get that for you," Brendon touched my arm, sending shivers through me, before grabbing the handle as I let go.

"Thank you," I smiled. Ever the gentleman.

He shot me his signature, knee-weakening grin before we both headed out of the house and got into his car. Soon enough, we were on our way to the airport.

Nothing very interesting happened in the week and a half between the tree planting and us leaving for the airport. Nothing except that I got a little better, my cold was down to only a quarter of a cold and Brendon and I had gotten closer- as you'd expect from spending more time together.

Oh right... And I hadn't kept the promise I made to myself.

I honestly did try but I failed miserably. One look in those eyes of his made my stomach churn at the thought of telling him.

"Ambs, sweetheart, are you okay?" Brendon locked our fingers after changing gear and my glance switched from out of the window to him as he drove.

I nodded briefly, "Yeah, I'm fine,"

"Are you sure?" He frowned concernedly.

"Yeah, I'm just thinking," I smiled. He kissed my hand and let them fall to the partially unused seat beside me.

In an attempt to reassure me, because he clearly knew something was wrong even though he didn't press the issue, he squeezed my hand and left it at that.

Three Days Later

Italy was beautiful; well the part we had come to was beautiful.

We were walking hand in hand down the street after our visit to the Tower of Pisa and going out to a restaurant for dinner.

"I love it here," I announced with a happy sigh- finally being able to breathe properly because my sinuses were now cleared.

"Me too," Brendon agreed as we turned onto the road our hotel was situated on.

"Thank you," I beamed at him.

"What for?"

"Buying my ticket, letting me come here, for coming with me and just... Everything really," I shrugged as we made our way up the steps to the main hotel entrance, "It means so much to me, you just don't even know,"

He parted our hands once we'd gotten into the lobby and wrapped his arm around my shoulder, planting a kiss on my head, "You're very welcome- It's a thank you from me for everything you've done," He whispered in my ear.

Delightful tingles began in my ear before they spread to the rest of my body.

What he did to me was inexplicable- Especially lately. There was an extra flare there; a desire in the pit of my stomach that grew every single time I looked at him, touched him or kissed him. Right then, the feeling of his arm around me was making me have to resist shuddering in joy.

When we got up to our apartment, I fell onto the couch, Brendon following suit and lying down with his head in my lap. He shot me a toothy, lopsided grin that I couldn't help but smile back at.

"I can see up your nose," He giggled.

My hand automatically shot up and covered my nose before I laughed slightly, "Stop it," I tilted my head so that he couldn't see up there.

He reached up and ruffled my hair, to which I grimaced in response and manically tried to fix it, before he pulled himself up off the couch after touching our lips briefly.

"I'm going to take a shower," He announced as he wandered over towards the bathroom, "Care to join me?" He grinned cheekily over his shoulder at me. I bit my lip- the desire in me intensifying. But I knew he wasn't serious, he was just playing.

I stood up from the couch and made my way over to the counter, "No, thanks," I breathed, quietly suppressing an urge that was burning inside me, "I had a shower this morning," I smirked, turning away from him to face the kitchen counter.

Feeling his arms slide around my waist, slightly brushing the skin of my stomach under my shirt, I let out a shaky, unsteady breath as I felt my heart start to pump faster. He pulled our bodies together and very slowly pressed his lips to my neck then up to my ear before whispering deeply into my ear, "You sure?"

Maybe he wasn't just playing.

I turned in his arms and looked up at his suggestive expression, before I slid my arms up his chest to wrap around his neck. He feverishly caught my lips in his, colliding our hips and stumbling back slightly so my back hit the counter. He deepened the kiss and I pulled him closer still, my longing making my whole body insane.

My whole body felt like it was on fire- burning for his touch.

A few heated seconds later I pulled away from him, both of us were breathing heavily.

"Is everything okay?" He questioned in a whisper, resting his forehead on mine.

I nodded, "Yeah, I was just going to deliver this postcard for my mum before I forget," I fumbled around anxiously on the counter for the postcard before holding it up to him as some sort of proof.

He took the card from my hand and glanced at it briefly, "Can't you do it later?"

I wriggled out of his grip, taking the card back, "I'll only be a few minutes, you go get your shower," I smiled.

As I attempted to walk away, he grabbed my hand, "Are you sure everything's alright?" I could see the disappointment in his eyes from me stopping what had just gone on.

I stepped over to him, cupping his cheek in my free hand and briefly pecking his lips, "Everything's fine. I'm sorry; I'll be back in a few minutes,"

He seemed hesitant but shrugged, "See you in a bit," He kept our hands clasped until we were out of reach as he went into the bathroom.

I used the walk to the post box to contemplate what had just happened... And whether it was actually a good idea. As soon as he'd put his lips on mine I knew exactly what the new, inescapable desire in me was.

Lust.

I wasn't exactly sure whether I should fulfil that desire when Brendon didn't know about my problem. Was it safe for me or him to pass that milestone when it could bring us closer and hurt him even more?

When I reached our apartment again, I rubbed my hands over my face before going inside.

"Hey," Brendon greeted me as I closed the door behind me. He was sitting on the kitchen counter in boxers and a t-shirt. He gave me a grin and he seemed like he was back to normal even with the abrupt end to our previous exchange. He held out his hands for me and I wandered over to him, sliding my hands into his before he pulled me close to him, "How was your walk?"

I nodded as if it explained everything before I softly placed my hands on his face, "Fine," I whispered. He parted his legs and I stood between them, wrapping my arms around his middle. He let his head fall to my shoulder and I felt his damp hair brush against my cheek.

His head turned and he began to kiss my neck sensually. My body went wild again.

"Fuck," I breathed heavily and my eyes closed involuntarily as his teeth grazed my skin, "You have no idea what you're doing to me,"

"No, but I have a fair few ideas about what I'd like to do to you," He pushed himself off the counter, causing our bodies to slide together. I giggled and slid my hands up into his wet hair, pulling him closer as he continued to touch my neck with his lips, turning my giggles into shallow, unsteady breaths.

I felt that feeling in the pit of my stomach maximise and it took control of me.

Taking hold of his chin, I brought his face up to mine before whispering seductively in a completely serious voice, "So do them,"

I bit my lip and he smirked cheekily before crashing his lips against mine, grabbing the back of my legs and latching them onto his waist. He stumbled into the bedroom with me and slammed the door before we fell onto the bed.

Our lips parted once so I could pull his shirt over his head and launch it as far away as possible. Lips parted once again, only for his to connect with my neck.

"You're wearing too many clothes," He breathed against my neck, sliding his hands up my body before they crept under the hem of my shirt. I almost took a chunk out of my lip as I bit it in frustration.

He planted an urgent kiss on my lips as I pressed back, just as eager, and I lifted up my arms, leaning up from the bed slightly, before I murmured against his lips, "Then take them off,"

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Brendon lay sleeping beside me and I was wrapped in his arms. As I glanced over his face, I saw it was relaxed but his lips were twitched up into something of a smile.

This brought a small smile to my own face before I sighed and slowly removed his arm from me. I got dressed in pyjamas and wandered my way out onto the balcony, breathing in deep as a cool breeze drifted over my face.

I gazed out onto an illuminated Italy, smiling to myself at its splendour.

I'd slept for a while after Brendon and I had slept together but, after waking up about three hours later, I had to clear my head.

It wasn't that I hadn't enjoyed every single second of what had happened, it was just that, now it was over, I couldn't stop the guilt building up. I couldn't stop that damn voice that was flooding my every thought, screaming at me to tell the poor boy what he'd gotten himself into.

After becoming drowned in my thoughts for a few minutes, I felt arms wrap around my waist.

"Hey, pretty girl," Brendon murmured into my hair, swaying us left to right briefly.

I couldn't help but cuddle into him as he hugged me from behind, "Hey,"

"What're you doing out here?"

"Just thinking," I shrugged.

"What about?"

"Life," I sighed, turning in his arms and wrapping mine around him, smiling at him half-heartedly.

"That's a very philosophical thing to be thinking about at four am," He joked. I smiled genuinely this time but it soon returned to the previous sullen expression.

He noticed this but he didn't mention it. He just kissed my forehead and hugged me tight.

"Come back to bed, baby," He whispered caringly, letting go of me and heading back inside after adding, "And tell me what's wrong,"

He could read me, even though I was pretty legible at that moment. But he wouldn't have mentioned it if he thought it wasn't something important.

I ran my fingers through my hair before rubbing my hands over my face and taking a deep breath, my heart and head furiously debating with each other.

It was at that moment my head conquered and my heart finally surrendered. I decided to tell him.

I had to.

Heading for the bedroom, I stepped inside and slid the door behind me closed. Brendon smiled encouragingly and held out his arms for me. But I didn't enter them. Instead, I set down on the edge of the bed, facing him.

I couldn't tell him if he was holding me- It'd make it a hundred times harder.

"Brendon, honey," I began slowly, "I need to talk to you,"

Right then, I wished I hadn't faced him because his smile fell, along with his arms, and it was replaced with an expression mixed with fear, rejection and somewhat sadness.

In the most heartbreaking voice and with a torn expression, he asked, "Did I do something wrong?"

"No, no," I grabbed hold of his hands and squeezed them tight, "You didn't do a thing; you're perfect and don't let anyone ever tell you any different," I kissed his hand and then slid a little closer to him.

He smiled nervously though there was some legitimacy to it, "So what is it?"

"Brendon, can you do me a favour?" I breathed.

"Anything," I felt his grip on my hands tighten.

"Could you kiss me?" My voice cracked slightly as my eyes filled up. Without a second thought, he took my face in his hands and pressed our lips together with a softness I'd never felt before.

He parted from me slightly, "Please, tell me what's wrong, I could help," He frowned concernedly, pecked my lips one more time and pulled fully away.

"You can't help," I shook my head, "This is an unsolvable problem,"

"It might not be unsolvable, I could have the answer you just don't know it yet," He chuckled humourlessly.

The moment of truth.

I avoided his eyes and in a very serious tone I replied, "I doubt that you have the cure for cancer, Brendon,"

He choked out, "What?"

I finally locked eyes with him and took a shaky breath before spitting out the three words I'd been so scared of saying to him for these past two months.

"I have leukaemia,"

To Do List1. Buy flowers for mum and help them understand.
2. Have a space hopper race.
3. Swim with dolphins.
4. Hold a charity night.
5. Get drunk & sing loud and out of tune on karaoke.
6. Ride the biggest, fastest, highest rollercoaster
7. Go to the highest point in the city at night to see the lights
8. Sleep under the stars
9. Crowd surf
10. Meet favourite band
11. Sky-dive
12. Plant a tree
13. Go to Italy

Thirteen down, twelve to go.

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Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?

Panic! at the Disco- Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off
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