Even Forever Doesn't Seem Like Long Enough

Third Person P.O.V

It's been one hundred and nineteen days since Amber was diagnosed. Yes, she'd been counting.

And it's been one hundred and eighteen days since she'd left the house.

They gave her a year and she's already wasted three months sitting in her bedroom wallowing in self-pity.

Her lifeless copper hair spread on the purple pillow case as she stared at the wall.

She'd ran out of tears about ninety days ago so she had none left to cry, no matter how hard she tried.

Apart from the obvious toilet, shower and food breaks Amber done nothing but think and sleep. Think about what was to come of her, think about how she was just going to spend the next nine months locked up in her room until there was nothing left of her and think about everything she'd never get to try in life.

She inhaled a shaky breath and sat up from her bed, running a hand through her hair and licking her dry lips.

She looked around her room. Mess and nothing but.

She looked down at her pyjamas. Creases and nothing but.

She swung her barely used legs over the side of the bed and pressed the soles of her feet to the cold, wooden flooring.

It took her a while but she slowly got to her feet and stumbled into the bathroom before turning on the shower.

As the water ran and trickled down the drain, Amber's emerald eyes locked on her reflection's ones. What once sparkled was now dull and dreary.

What had happened to the girl she used to be?

And, even an hour later, downstairs, her mother and sister were wondering the same thing.

"I'm really worried about her mum, it can't be good for her," Ruby sighed.

"I know sweetheart, I know, but she's been walking around the house and showering and stuff so at least she's not damaging her hygiene or her eating habits," Pauline reassured, "She's okay Ruby, don't worry,"

"Mum, she's got leukaemia, I should be worrying,"

Pauline rubbed her wrinkled hands together, her face in a worried frown.

"Ruby, you need to be strong, if not for your sake then for Amber's,"

Ruby shook her head and pulled her legs under her to sit more comfortably as she looked over at her mother on the couch opposite her.

"I thought she was stronger than this," Ruby spoke.

"She is stronger than this, she just needs some time to come to terms with it. It's much harder for her than it is for us, darling,"

"I know that but it's hard for us both, I don't understand why she can't talk to us. We can help her,"

"There's nothing we can do until she's ready to accept it,"

At this point, there were footsteps down the stairs.

Ruby's head snapped to the doorway and she saw Amber bouncing down the stairs.

Her hair was lively again, her emerald eyes were shining bright and she had a skip in her step.

Ruby frowned in confusion, "Amber?"

Amber grinned widely at her and slid into the front room.

"I'm going out," She announced.

"Out where?" Pauline's eyebrows were also furrowed in bewilderment.

"Just out," Amber smiled back.

"But-" Ruby was cut off.

"I'll be back in a while, I have my phone if you really need me but if you don't then I'll be back in a few hours," Amber tucked her hair behind her ear with her left hand as she spoke, "I'll see you later,"

As Amber stepped foot through the doorway, Pauline called her back.

"Amber!"

She retraced her steps and spun around to face her mother.

"Yeah?"

Pauline looked over her daughter's face, seeing a glimmer in her eyes that she thought would never be there again and she sighed.

"Be careful,"

Amber grinned, "Of course I will. I'll see you later and I'll bring home dinner,"

"See you," The two in the living room chorused.

Amber's foot stepped onto the patio of the house and she breathed in the fresh air she smiled to herself.

"I think she might've accepted it," Ruby stated.

"Either that or she's in even worse denial than we thought," Pauline worried.

"I'd rather stick with my idea," Ruby frowned.

Amber's P.O.V

As I walked through the sunlit streets, I smiled to myself.

I'd missed the outside.

I shoved my hands in my pockets and made my way through the twists and turns of the neighbourhood until I found the house I was looking for.

I took a deep breath and headed up to the front door before knocking loudly.

There was silence and then footsteps before the door was pulled open to reveal the blonde whose mouth soon dropped open in shock.

"Amber?" She questioned in disbelief.

"Hey Hannah," I grinned at her.

Soon, I found myself enveloped in her arms, being squeezed tightly so it almost cut off my air supply.

"I've been so worried," She whispered with a shaky breath.

"I know. I'm sorry; I've just had a rough couple of months,"

"I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through,"

"Believe me, you don't want to,"

Hannah pulled away from me and eyed my face.

"You look well," She smiled unsurely.

"Looks can be deceiving," I spoke slowly.

There was silence for a second.

"Do you want to come in?" She questioned, her lips twisting into a small smile.

"Actually, I was hoping that you'd come out," I replied.

"Out where?" She frowned.

"Just out," I shrugged.

"Um... Okay, sure, just give me a minute to get my shoes and coat," She nodded cautiously before heading inside, closing the door over.

I rocked forwards and backwards on the balls of my feet as I waited for her.

A few minutes later she came out with her coat and shoes on, locking the door behind her.

"Let's go then," She grinned as she linked me and we headed off down the street.

Today was the start of the rest of my life. Literally.

About nine months from now, I knew that there wasn't going to be much left of me so I was going to spend the 'rest of my life' doing what I wanted to do.

One word: Impulsiveness.

And that's how my life was going to be from now on.

"So, where exactly are we going?" Hannah questioned, a little frustrated, as I dragged her around town with our arms still linked together.

"We are... Going..." I trailed off, "I don't know where we're going but I'll tell you when I find it,"

"Well that's reassuring," She rolled her eyes and I laughed, "Do you even know what you're looking for?"

"Um... Not really, we're going wherever I feel like going when I see somewhere," I shrugged.

She eyed me suspiciously.

"What?" My eyebrow rose.

"You're weird," She stated simply.

I chuckled, "Yeah I know, I got it from you,"

"I don't believe you," She snorted.

My eyes landed on a shop and I swiftly pulled Hannah across the road.

"Amber! Listen love, I'm not a damn rag-doll do stop pulling me around everywhere,"

I grinned innocently at her, "Sorry,"

"You will be," She glared.

I giggled and pulled her into the flower shop.

"Why've we come in here?" She furrowed her eyebrows.

"Because I want to buy some flowers, stupid," I rolled my eyes.

"I know that you idiot, but why?"

"Because I want to give them to some random homeless guy and tell him that life is beautiful and to sniff them instead of crack,"

"Are you serious?"

"Are you stupid?" I raised my eyebrows at her and smiled.

"Hey!"

"Hiya!" I grinned.

"Bitch," She glared.

"Thank you," I spoke gratefully before I pulled her by the hand over to the desk, "I want to buy them for my mum,"

"Is it her birthday or something?"

"No..."

"Then why are you buying her them?"

"Um... Because I love her and she deserves them," I answered before dinging the bell on the counter.

"How sweet," She rolled her eyes and pretended to retch.

I slapped her arm, "Shut up,"

She shot me a grin, "Where's this come from all of a sudden?"

"Well... It may have something to do with the fact that I have leukaemia but then again I might just be going insane," I joked.

Hannah fell silent.

That was a bad idea.

Now she's going to feel awkward and that's not good.

"Sorry, are we not in a place to joke about this yet?" I winced.

"I don't think I could ever joke about it Ambs,"

"Ah, sorry," I smiled apologetically, "Hey, there's a shop over there, go get us some drinks, yeah?" I handed her some money and she nodded.

"Okay," She agreed before walking off.

I took a deep breath and waved at her with a smile before the shop assistant came to serve me.

"Can I help you?" She smiled.

"Yeah, I'd like a bunch of lilies and a bunch of tulips please," I grinned.

"Sure, would you like small, medium or large?"

"Large, thanks," I replied as I heard the bell above the door jingle loudly.

"I'll just go sort them out for you,"

"Thank you," I replied as I watched her walk away.

I soon felt a presence beside me and I looked to my left.

I saw a boy about two inches taller than me with sweeping dark brown hair.

He looked over at me and I caught a glimpse of his confused eyes that were a gorgeous shade of brown.

I grinned widely, "Hi,"

He frowned, slightly freaked out by me. He nodded cautiously before looking back ahead of him.

Okay Amber, it's the start of a new day and the start of your new resolution.

"I'm Amber," I introduced myself and held out my hand.

"Hey," He nodded briefly, shaking my hand. He was still afraid of me and that amused me.

"I'm Brendon," He spoke slowly, his voice cutting out a little.

"Nice to meet you," I beamed at him.

"Um... You too?" His reply seemed questionable.

"Who're you buying flowers for?" I enquired.

"My friend,"

"Aw, that's nice, is it a special occasion?"

"She just had a baby,"

"Oh well congratulations to her," I smiled cheerfully.

He chuckled slightly, "Thanks, I'll tell her you said that,"

"Here we are, honey," The saleswoman placed my two bunches of flowers on the desk.

"Thank you," I grinned, holding out the money to her.

"Thanks," She replied with a smile.

"Nice to meet you Brendon," I waved slightly and shot him the best smile I could muster, "And congratulations again,"

"Nice to meet you too Amber and thanks," He smiled back.

I couldn't help but smile as I walked out of the shop with the two bunches of flowers.

I swapped a bunch for a drink with Hannah and grinned at her.

"Who was that?" She asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Brendon," I replied.

"Who's Brendon?"

"Some guy I just met in the flower shop," I shrugged.

"You just randomly started talking to him?" She frowned.

"Yup," I smiled.

"You're so... Weird," She sighed.

"That's why you love me," I laughed.

"I do wonder sometimes," She smirked.

"Oi, you," I glared.

"What? I'm only being truthful,"

I shook my head and giggled.

Half An Hour Later

Mum, Ruby and I were sat at the table eating dinner, in silence.

They were dying to as questions and I knew that they were.

They were just too afraid to say something.

So I decided to break the silence.

"I met a guy in the flower shop today," I began, "He was a bit freaked out because I'd just randomly started conversation but he seemed nice,"

They said nothing.

"Okay, that's it," I huffed, dropping my knife and fork onto the plate, "I can't stand this anymore,"

"Stand what honey?" My mum spoke slowly as she continued eating.

"The awkwardness, the unasked questions, the silence!" I exclaimed, "The tension between us all is insane, what exactly is it that's wrong?"

"Why would you think that something's wrong?" Ruby's eyebrows rose.

"Drop the act," I laughed dryly, "Let's start with this the obvious, I have cancer and there's a very high chance that I'm going to die in the next nine months,"

"Don't say that," My mum sighed.

"Why not? It's the truth and I've accepted it,"

"How can you just be normal with it though?" Ruby frowned.

"Because that's my fate and I can't run away from it because it'll catch up with me no matter what happens so I just have to accept it,"

"How can you accept it so quickly?" Ruby was on the verge of tears.

"It's been three months Ruby, I've finished wallowing in self-pity and now I'm going to shove the rest of my life into the next nine months,"

My mum frowned, "What do you mean?"

I took a deep breath and shoved my hand in my pocket before pulling out a piece of paper and throwing it on the table.

"What's this?" Ruby asked.

"It's a list of twenty-five things I'm going to do before I die,"

My mum gasped slightly when I said the word 'die'.

"And I'm going to do them all as quickly as possible,"

"How will you afford all this?" Ruby questioned.

"I'm going to try my best to get it all with the money I have left,"

"But, but... I just..." She wheezed, "I don't understand,"

"You don't have to love, it's the rest of my life and I'm going to spend it doing what I want to," I explained, "And you can either be behind me or you can be against me, but it's not going to change how I feel,"

"We're behind you sweetheart," My mum smiled supportively.

I grinned, "Thank you," I took her hand in mine.

To Do List1. Buy flowers for mum and help them understand.

One down, twenty four to go.