Even Forever Doesn't Seem Like Long Enough

Brendon’s P.O.V

The next morning, I got my first scare of Amber’s death. It shook me to the core.

I woke up before her and lay there for a while, my arm draped over her hips as she slept flat on her back, and watched her (in a non-creepy way).

After a few seconds, I noticed that her skin was quite cold, but shrugged it off because she was usually always cold. But as I glanced down her body, I noticed that her chest wasn’t moving in her normal breathing way. It was still.

I felt fear shoot through my body and my heart rate increased rapidly. My stomach tangled in what seemed like undoable knots and a lump formed in my throat.

“Amber?” I whispered, my voice almost cutting out as I reached up and brushed my fingers over her cheek.

Suddenly, her chest heaved upwards as she took in a deep breath and turned over, sliding an arm and a leg around me and cuddling into my chest. I sighed in relief and slowly placed my arms around her, holding her tight when I was sure I hadn’t woken her.

“Brendon,” Amber began quietly almost startling me, “Why’s your heart beating so fast? It sounds like it’s going to break out of your chest,” She moved her head and looked up at me, blinking slightly to get focus before frowning, “What’s wrong?”

I shook my head and a smile twitched on my face, “Nothing,”

“Your eyes are all filled up with tears, you can’t tell me nothing’s wrong,” She reached up and trailed her fingers down my face.

“You just scared me is all,” I shrugged.

“Scared you?” She frowned in confusion.

“You were cold and you weren’t... You didn’t breathe for a few seconds,” I stuttered.

“You thought I’d-?” I cut her off with a nod and her frown softened slightly, “Oh honey,” She shuffled up so she could curl her arms around my neck, “I’m not going anywhere Brendon... At least not yet, anyway,”

“I don’t want you to go, Ambs,” I admitted, running a hand though her messy hair and playing with the brittle ends.

“I wish I didn’t have to,” She replied, “But if there’s life after death or I stay here when it’s happened, I promise you I’ll never ever leave you,”

I linked our fingers and pressed my lips to her hand, “My personal ghost,” I smiled sadly.

“Think of me more as a guide,”

A Week Later...
Amber’s P.O.V

“Have you been here before?” I questioned Brendon as we stood in the corner of a crowded elevator.

Brendon shook his head, “Nope, I’ve thought about it though,”

“Why didn’t you ever come?”

He shrugged unknowingly, “Never had the time really. I told myself I would but I never made the plans,”

“I guess it takes a dying girl to whisk you off your feet and drag you here,”

A few of the other passengers in the elevator, within hearing distance that could speak English, cast glances over their shoulders and sideways at us. I smiled politely, receiving unsure smiles back, before the lift doors opened and everyone filed out into the wind outside.

Brushing the hair out of my face that the wind had tossed about, I stepped a bit further forward and took in a sharp intake of breath in awe of the beautiful lit up Paris in front of us.

“You coming to the edge?” Brendon placed his hand on the small of my back to guide me forwards.

As we got near the edge, we stepped onto clear flooring and I squeaked, jumping back onto then non-transparent floor.

Brendon was taken aback for a brief second before he looked at me with ultimate confusion, “What’s wrong?” He frowned as he looked at the see through floor beneath his beaten-Converse-covered feet.

“You can see all the way down!” I exclaimed.

His eyebrow quirked, “And?”

“I’m afraid of heights,” I whispered.

His disbelieving chuckle reverberated in my ears, “What?”

“I’m scared of heights!” I hissed at him.

“You’re kidding, right?”

“Oh yeah, I’m totally joking,” I rolled my eyes and my words almost defined sarcasm.

“But, how the hell can you be scared of heights? You jumped out of a plane for God’s sake!”

“Yeah well, you being scared meant that I was calmer so I didn’t freak you out and I had a professional with me who wouldn’t have let me die,”

“He would’ve had to if the parachute didn’t work,”

“Well thanks for that, Captain Optimist, but that is not the issue here!”

He laughed at me and shook his head, “Come on Ambs, you’re not going to fall through, it’s reinforced Perspex or something, it’s strong,” He tried to reassure me by tapping his foot against the floor lightly.

“But you can see all the way down,” I repeated.

“Just don’t look down- look across; out to the city,” He gestured to the beautiful view in front of us before holding out his hand to me, “I won’t let you fall if that’s any consolation,”

I let out a shaky breath and let my gaze flicker from his hand to his eyes before I slid my hand into his.

My fingers gripped tight around his hand and he held mine just as firmly as he gently tugged me over to the railing. He pulled me in front of him and wrapped his arms around my waist, holding me close as I held the railings so hard my knuckles were turning white.

His thumbs gently stroked my hips and his chin rested on my shoulder as he whispered reassuring things into my ear.

And, slowly but surely, the colour returned to my knuckles.

8pm

Brendon had gone to get food and I was sitting in the hotel room wearing Brendon’s hoodie, slightly exhausted after having to use a lot of energy to convince Brendon I’d be fine on my own. He went down fighting, I’ll give him that.

The alone time gave me a chance to think about anything and everything- Mainly about whether I should tell Brendon what I’d felt for him lately- Whether I should tell him that no-one had ever created the emotions in me that he had.

I ran a hand through my hair and sighed dejectedly. It’d taken almost seven and a half months for him to steal my heart and I no longer wanted it back. He’d kept it safe without even knowing he had it and that made me want him to keep it even more. Every minute we spent together made me fall for him further so by the time I was sitting there, finally alone with my thoughts, I was in love with him.

But I wouldn’t tell him that.

I wouldn’t tell him that for two reasons- One, he might not feel the same and it’d make it awkward as well as heartbreaking. And two, if he did feel the same, the pain we’d both go through when my time was finally up would tear us both to pieces.

Sliding my hand into my pocket, I pulled out my crumpled up piece of paper that contained my list and opened it up, gazing at the eighteen items already crossed out, the one I was about to cross out and the six still remaining.

I leaned over to my bag and fumbled about for a few seconds before I pulled out a pen and drew a line through number nineteen. But, as I went to click the pen off, I paused and guided it back to the paper near the bottom before my hand seemed to know what it was writing before my brain did.

’26. Brendon falls in love with me’

I stared at the writing for a second before I decided it was stupid and tore the strip from the paper, gazing at it for a little while longer.

“I come bearing food!” Brendon announced gallantly.

Startled, I crumpled up the strip of paper and stuffed it into the pocket of the hoodie I was wearing, “Holy crap, you just gave me a heart attack,” I held my hand to my chest as he chuckled and placed the food on the table.

“Sorry, I thought you heard the door open,” He spoke as he grabbed two plates from the cupboard.

“It’s alright, I was too lost in my thoughts to hear you come in,” I shrugged as I climbed off the couch and wandered over to the table.

“What were you thinking about?” He asked with a curious glance as he served up my food and then sat across from me.

“Thanks,” I smiled and shifted my eyes from the food in front of me to his inquisitive eyes, “And nothing really, I was just thinking about my list,” I avoided the truth but it wasn’t completely untrue.

“Oh right. So, what’s the next thing on your list?” He questioned as before taking a bite of food.

“Bungee jumping,” I stated.

His eyebrow lifted, “I thought you were scared of heights?”

“I am,” I shrugged nonchalantly, “But I figure it’s a classic thing that people put on their ‘lists’ so I’m going to do it,”

“But aren’t you going to be terrified?”

I nodded, “Probably... Definitely, actually, but I’ll get over it,”

He smiled, “When’re we off to do that then?”

The ‘we’ part almost made me smile, “Um... Tomorrow,”

“In Paris?”

“Yeah, unless you’re planning on going home a day early,” I joked.

“I just thought that you’d wait to get home for something like that so Hannah and Ruby could go with you,”

“Nah, not this time; the sooner the better, right?”

He sighed a little, “I suppose so,”

We fell silent for a few seconds.

“Is that my hoodie?” His brow furrowed in interest as he eyed the piece of clothing.

I grinned innocently, “Yeah, I was cold and it smells really good. Do you want me to take it off?”

He shook his head, “No, it’s alright,”

“Good, ‘cause I wasn’t going to,”

Laughing slightly, he turned his attention to his dinner and I did the same- Totally forgetting about the small squashed up piece of paper in the pocket of the hoodie I was wearing.

Brendon’s P.O.V
10.30pm

At around half ten, Amber and I were cuddled together on the couch watching some random film.

“You know, I don’t see the point in watching foreign films when I can’t understand what they’re saying,” Amber declared exasperatedly.

“That’s what the subtitles are for,” I chuckled.

“I watch films so I don’t have to read the story,” She looked up at me and raised her eyebrows, “Can I find something else?”

I handed her the remote, “Sure,” She then began flicking through the channels with her left hand, showing her tattoo clearly and it got me thinking.

It seemed like every time I found a new tattoo it was related to what was going on.

Like, when I found her ‘live’ tattoo I’d kind of encouraged her to go on living, even though she had a cold, with her tree-planting and the Italy trip. Come to think of it, I probably shouldn’t have done that. I should’ve just given her time to get better but I didn’t know she was sick at the time... But anyway...

And the time when I found her ‘laugh’ tattoo on the beach when she’d just been hysterical after I’d tickled her.

I knew what the next tattoo was going to say and a strange feeling erupted in me at the thought of it being relevant to us. But I couldn’t make out what that strange feeling was; whether it was fear, excitement or something else, I wasn’t sure, all I knew was that I was going to find it sooner or later, and only then would I know.

Sighing, I reached forward, being careful not to squash Amber’s head, that had found its way into my lap, between my legs and my torso as I grabbed hold of my beer bottle from the table.

As I took a gulp from the bottle, I looked down at Amber who was gazing up at me with a smile.

“What?” I couldn’t help but smile at the grin she was giving me.

“Can I have some?”

“Sure,” I shrugged, holding the bottle out to her.

She sat up and shimmied into my lap, holding her mouth open and pointing to it playfully.

“What did your last slave die of?” I raised an eyebrow at her and she laughed.

“Please?” She fake pouted but it was too damn cute to say no to.

“Fine,” I caved and lifted the bottle to her lips, tipping it up so that the alcohol poured into her mouth.

I kept it going even when she told me to stop and she squealed slightly, pushing the bottle from her mouth. But I didn’t react quick enough to pull the bottle up so the liquid kept pouring so that her shirt was soaking wet before I fixed the bottle and moved it.

“Oh my gosh!” She wriggled and pulled her wet shirt away from her chest slightly as it was sticking to her.

I laughed, “Crap, I’m so sorry Ambs,”

She let out a giggle and shook her head, “It’s alright, I was going to get my pyjamas on anyway,” She brushed it off and got up from my lap with a small smile.

I watched as she walked towards the bedroom and pulled her top up over her head. As her arms fell to her sides, my attention was caught by the word inscribed in ink about a quarter of the way up her spine.

“Three of three,” I called after her.

She looked over her shoulder and frowned in confusion, “Huh?”

I pointed to her back, “I found the last one,”

She reached behind her and her fingers drifted over the tattoo, “Oh,” She smiled in realisation, “Congratulations,”

“Do I get a prize?” I smirked.

“Maybe,” She spoke mysteriously, “We’ll see,”

Amber’s P.O.V

As I threw my top onto the pile of my worn clothes in my suitcase and I felt a calloused thumb run over the new tattoo Brendon had found.

“I never said anything about collecting your prize yet,” I teased as I reached for a pyjama top. When I’d got hold of it and stood up again, Brendon twirled me around to face him and eased the shirt from my grip before taking my face in his hands. I rested my hands on his wrists.

He stared at me for a few seconds, his eyes scanning my face.

“What’s wrong?” I asked curiously.

“Nothing,” His eyes locked on mine and he shook his head, “Everything’s unimaginably great,”

My mouth twitched into a smile and he leaned down and pressed his lips to mine in a simple yet very loving gesture. Those different feelings ran through my again and he pulled back, releasing my face and wrapping his arms around my waist to pull me close.

“Us, here, together, now- It’s perfect,” He whispered in a tone that sent my heart into a fluster. I felt almost every hair on my body stand up as he rested his forehead on mine and smiled brightly at me.

Placing my hands on his chest, I felt his heartbeat beneath my fingers and smiled. It was perfectly in time with mine.

At that moment, it was all I could ever ask for.

To Do List1. Buy flowers for mum and help them understand.
2. Have a space hopper race.
3. Swim with dolphins.
4. Hold a charity night.
5. Get drunk & sing loud and out of tune on karaoke.
6. Ride the biggest, fastest, highest rollercoaster
7. Go to the highest point in the city at night to see the lights
8. Sleep under the stars
9. Crowd surf
10. Meet favourite band
11. Sky-dive
12. Plant a tree
13. Go to Italy
14. Jump from a cliff into water
15. Ride in a hot air balloon
16. Put a message in a bottle
17. Learn a song on an instrument
18. Spend the night in a haunted house
19. Go to Paris

Nineteen down, six to go.

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The only one of five; exception
Child of your pride; deception
And on your list of things to do
Is make me fall in love with you
You find one, you want one
'Cause I'm one who plays

Tyler Hilton- Glad

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