Even Forever Doesn't Seem Like Long Enough

According to my calculation, by the time I'd gotten around to number three on my list, it'd been four months since I'd been diagnosed.

This meant I have about eight months left.

How depressing.

That was about thirty-two weeks. That was even worse.

The one thing I was happy about though was the fact that I'd live to see Christmas.

At least, I hoped so. I couldn't be certain.

The reason it took me so long to get around to the third thing on my list was because I went through a week of depression which indirectly made me hurt myself (Accidentally) and I spent a while in hospital (reluctantly).

But when I got out, and after mum had gotten over her initial fear of me going out on my own, I was back following my list again.

The third thing was quite a classic thing for girls to want to do before they die but some never get around to doing it.

I wanted to swim with dolphins.

Hannah wanted to do this as well so this meant I could take her with me and fulfil one of her dreams at the same time.

We were killing two birds with one stone.

So, today, we were off to Sea World to do it and we might even get the chance to meet some sea-lions or seals.

And right now, Hannah and I couldn't have gotten any more like excited little school children.

"This is going to be SO much fun!!" Hannah clapped ecstatically.

I giggled, "I know! I love Sea World!! I haven't been there since I was about ten!"

"There's a reason for that," Ruby spoke from the driver's seat.

"And that is?" I asked with intrigue.

"When you were ten you tried to get into the pool with the sea-lions and then you got pissed off when mum pulled you back so you never went again," She explained.

"That sounds like you," Hannah smiled.

"Yeah... It does actually," I agreed.

"You know what's funny?" Hannah began as she stared out of the window.

"Your face?" I grinned widely.

She slapped me playfully, "No. It's funny the way sea-lion is like seal but with ion on the end..."

I turned to look at her and raised an eyebrows, "What?"

"It's sea-lion but it kind of sounds like seal iron... Like a clothes iron for seals," She chuckled at her joke.

I frowned and rolled my eyes, "You have a warped sense of humour,"

I despair of her sometimes.

But then again, she wouldn't be the same girl if she wasn't so weird.

We'd been travelling for about forty-five minutes now and we were almost there.

This was cause for Hannah and me to get even more excited.

"What shall we go and see first?" Hannah asked.

"I think we should see the seals, then the sea-lions, then the dolphins and then swim with them," I planned, "Then we should have lunch!"

"That sounds like a fabulous idea!"

"Or maybe you should just go and see whatever's on first that isn't full up," Ruby suggested.

"Hey, we'll see what we like, when we want to see it. Don't be ruining our plan," I retorted.

She scoffed, "I apologise for bringing an adult insight into this childish conversation,"

"Good," Hannah stated.

"You should be," I added.

I saw her roll her eyes.

"We're here," She announced as she turned into the car park.

I clapped excitedly as Ruby parked the car and we got out as soon as we were stopped.

Hooking each of my arms in Hannah and Ruby's, I pulled them off towards the front entrance.

"Ruby, you could be a little more excited, it's going to be fun! You're going to fulfil a dream that loads of girls have! Be excited," I ordered.

"I am, I'm just not as open and childish about it as you are," She shrugged.

"You should be! The whole point of my list is to act spontaneous and do things that are completely ridiculous. You should be living every single day as if it's your last because it could be!"

"That's quite depressing," Hannah added in.

I laughed, "Yeah... It is quite. But still, you shouldn't be acting normal because that's what everyone does- Who wants to be like everyone else anyway?!" I announced loudly, earning funny looks from people passing us.

"Amber, lower your voice a little, use your inside voice," She patronised.

"But we're not inside," I raised an eyebrow at her, "You really need to lighten up Ruby. Really, you're bringing the whole fun atmosphere down. Hannah gets this and I don't think that you can continue on with us in completing my list unless you realise what it's all about,"

"I thought it was just about doing things that you've always wanted to do before... Well... Before..."

"Before I die in eight months,"

"It might not be in eight months," Hannah nudged me.

"Nope, it might be seven, all the more reason for Ruby to understand. My last wish of you, Rubes, is to understand the point to this list and to realise why I'm doing this,"

"I thought the reason was because you wanted to do these things before you died anyway and how, due to the whole... Situation... You have to squeeze it into the next few months,"

"Ruby, some of these things on the list have nothing to do with that. Some of them are things that I'd just like to do or things that I don't necessarily want to do but I think everyone should do before they kick the bucket," I replied, "For example, what is my biggest fear?"

She paused and looked thoughtful for a second, "Heights?"

I nodded, "Yeah and what're numbers eleven, thirteen and nineteen on my list?" I questioned, handing it over to her.

She looked down at it, "Hot air balloon ride, sky dive and bungee jump,"

"See what I mean?"

She frowned, "Kind of, but I still don't understand the overall point,"

Smiling at her, I sighed and said, "You will eventually, at some point it'll all click into place and it'll have such an impact you won't ever forget it,"

"You say that like you're not going to have an impact on me if I don't understand it,"

I smiled at her and shrugged, "Come on, let's go," I swiftly changed the subject.

We wandered off, Ruby still staying somewhat silent as we got our tickets for the sea-lion show.

"I'm so excited!" Hannah jumped slightly and squeezed my arm.

"Hannah, I know," I laughed, "You're a bit over excited, aren't you? Have you been eating sugar tablets or something?"

"No!" She sounded quite offended, "I'm just happy, I haven't been to Sea World in about fifteen years,"

"You make it sound like you're going to Hawaii to get married or something," Ruby added in.

"You really do Han,"

"I love animals, leave me alone," She whined.

I nudged her playfully, "Come on, let's go see them then,"

I pulled them both over to the gates and we got the closest seats possible.

3pm

"Okay, are you ready to do this?" I asked Hannah and Ruby as we cautiously stepped over to the pool in our bare feet.

"Yeah, I'm psyched!" Hannah beamed.

"More like psycho," Ruby retorted.

"Hey!"

I laughed and we wandered over to the poolside where we were met by Pete and Jamie, Hannah's close, personal friends.

That's how we got this so private- Jamie fancied Hannah and he could pull strings.

It was surprising she'd never seized this opportunity before.

Pete and Jamie smiled welcomingly at us, Jamie also eyeing Hannah up in her wetsuit.

This amused me greatly.

They helped us into the pool and guided us through the do's and don'ts, health and safety, that kind of thing.

"Ruby, I'm really nervous," I chuckled. Nervous chuckling of course.

"Me too, I'm scared in case I hurt them," Ruby replied.

"It'll be fun though," I smiled.

She nodded in agreement, "Gosh, could Jamie and Hannah get any more flirtatious?"

"Not unless they were two inches closer and his hand was a little further down her hip," I responded as we looked at the couple.

Jamie's hand was casually resting near Hannah's hip as he elbow was leaning on the poolside.

Hannah was giggling, hitting him and playing with her wet hair.

It really was quite funny.

And it was extremely difficult to hold back small comments that I was longing to throw at them.

"God, I hate how he gets when Hannah's here," Pete complained as he paddled over to us.

"I can imagine how bad it is just by watching them now," I replied.

He nodded in acknowledgement and sighed before changing the subject, "So, are you ready to swim with these guys?"

I bobbed my head profusely, "Ready and willing," I grinned.

He laughed and nodded, "Jamie! Hey Flirty McFlirtatious! We have work to do,"

Jamie shot Pete a glare but then sent a charming smile to Hannah before he and Pete swam off to remove the barrier between the pool we were in and the pool joining it were the dolphins were.

I locked my arm through Ruby's.

"I'm so excited," I swayed about in the water briefly, "This is one of the things on my list that I'm really ecstatic about," I squeezed Ruby's arm.

"Yeah, I know you're excited Amber honey, but you're cutting off my circulation and I need that arm to swim," She slightly brushed my clutching hand from her arm.

"Sorry," I spoke sheepishly, "But how good is this going to be?!"

"It's going to be better than good," Hannah added in as she slowly sauntered over.

Ruby and I looked at each other, each seeing who could have the first comment.

Ruby gave me the first shot.

"Back to reality from Love-land are we, Hannah my dear?" I smirked teasingly.

She frowned but I could see the blush creeping onto her face.

"What? I have no clue what you're talking about," She denied.

"May I take this one dear sister?" Ruby asked politely.

"Yes you may," I smiled.

"Thank you kindly," She bowed her head and turned to Hannah, "You love him! Hannah loves Jamie!" She exclaimed childishly, completely opposing her previous posh persona.

"I do not! And keep your voice down; he might hear you!" She scolded.

Ruby and I were giggling like naughty school children.

"You're only afraid of him hearing because you know it's true," I taunted.

She shot me a 'shut-your-face-you're-wrong' look which caused me to return an 'I'm-your-best-friend-don't-try-to-fob-me-off-with-excuses' stare.

I won.

She sighed and we all fell into silence as we watched the two boys swim into the other section of the pool with the dolphins.

They disappeared briefly then we saw three figures beneath the water and Pete and Jamie came back through to our section.

The two boys swam over to us and I bit my lip with excitement as I noticed three fins poking above the water.

"Ouch, Amber that's my arm," Hannah whined as I clutched on her.

"It's so exciting," I beamed at her.

She laughed and squeezed back just as hard.

I watched one of the fins get closer to us and then swiftly circle us before stopping by Pete.

The dolphin poked its head above water.

"Amber, Ruby, Hannah meet Donna," Pete introduced.

We chuckled quietly.

"Donna say hi to the nice ladies," Pete gently stroked Donna's side.

The dolphin made the classic dolphin noise and lifted up so her front fins were up towards us.

We all smiled in amazement.

"She wants you to shake hands," Pete urged.

Ruby stepped a little closer and softly took hold of Donna's fin.

At this point I noticed Jamie was amusing the other two dolphins.

Hannah was next to shake hands, followed by me, and Donna fell backwards into the water before swimming off.

"Oh my gosh, that was unbelievable," I uttered.

"She's lovely," Hannah added.

"Yeah, she's Jamie's favourite," Pete added.

I cast a glance over to Hannah who was smiling to herself at the mention of Jamie.

"Are they all girls?" Ruby asked.

"Nope, two girls and one boy," Pete smiled back, "Let's go over to Jamie and he'll introduce you to the others,"

So we all paddled over to Jamie and Donna circled us again.

"Guys, this is Finn and Dolly," Jamie gestured to each as he said their names.

"Dolly and Donna the dolphins," Hannah giggled. We chuckled at her.

We did the same handshake with Dolly and Finn. It still had the same affect on me though- I thought it was amazing.

Dolly was my favourite. Donna was automatically Hannah's favourite after she found out she was Jamie's too. I think Ruby liked Finn the best.

So we all had a dolphin each.

"Dolly's taken a shine to you," Pete grinned at me as he made his way over to me.

"I've taken a shine to her," I smiled back.

"I can tell," He replied, stroking the dolphin softly.

We both fell into silence as we watched the beautiful creature glide around.

"So Donna is Jamie's favourite, who's yours?" I questioned.

"My favourite dolphin is Finn, but my favourite animal of all isn't in this pool,"

"Who is it?"

"It's Slappy," He replied.

I frowned and laughed somewhat, "Slappy?"

"Yeah, he's a sea-lion," Pete replied, "I love him to bits,"

"His name is fantastic," I giggled.

"I named him," Pete smiled proudly, "Would you like to meet him?"

"Could I? Would that be alright?"

"Yeah of course, Slappy's my responsibility,"

"That'd be amazing,"

"Come on then," He nodded his head to the steps out of the pool.

"I'll just tell Hannah and Ruby,"

"Um one of them can come but Slappy's quite shy, he tends to get very hostile if there's lots of people; that's why he doesn't perform,"

"Oh well if I tell them they'll probably want to come too so I'll just tell them I'm going to the toilet," I shrugged.

So I did and soon we were out of the pool, heading towards a different section of the park.

"Ooh, I'm excited; do you think he'll like me?"

"Well Dolly did and Dolly hardly warms up to people that quickly so I'm guessing Slappy will too," Pete reassured.

"Can you sponsor animals here?"

"Um, yeah, I think we still do that,"

"Hmm..." I pondered, "That's something I may look into,"

"This way," He guided me through a gate and into a pool surrounded by rocks and boulders.

"Can people see Slappy on their way around?"

"Yeah but if it gets too busy he hides away,"

"Aw, I love him already, I feel like I want to hug him,"

Pete laughed, "He gets that a lot- He does do hugs though, and kisses too if he really likes you,"

"Does he kiss you?" I giggled.

"Yeah but I'm trying to stop him 'cause I already smell like fish, my face smelling like fish would be a bit too much,"

I laughed heartily and shook my head, "You don't smell like fish,"

"Thanks, nice to know that someone thinks so. Just through here," Pete let me through the fate first and closed it behind him.

Smiling to myself at his manner, we stopped by the edge of the pool.

"Slappy?" Pete called out, "Slappy my man, where are you?"

I carefully cast a glance around the area but was unable to see anything from my spot.

"I can't see anything," I muttered.

"He might be..." He trailed off in though and I didn't push him to finish the sentence because he walked away from me, holding up his finger to indicate he'd only be a second.

I watched him walk over to a large boulder, climb up it slightly and stick his head over the top.

I couldn't help but smile when I saw a large fin flop out from the end of the boulder, slapping the floor three times.

"Found him," Pete chuckled, looking over his shoulder at me.

"I can see," I smiled.

"He likes hide and seek sometimes," He smiled, "Come on Slaps," He spoke to the animal behind the rock before he climbed down from it.

Cautiously, I looked over the boulder trying to catch a glimpse of the infamous Slappy.

And as Pete came towards me, a very cute head popped around the end of the rock, followed by a body that slid on its stomach into the pool.

I laughed, "I think that's fantastic,"

"Apparently, so does he," Pete took a whistle from around his neck and blew it.

A few seconds later, the sea-lion shot out from the water onto the poolside, splashing Pete and I with small water droplets in the process.

But Slappy was absolutely adorable, so he got away with it...

Pete showed me all of Slappy's tricks and apparently (according to Pete) Slappy liked me.

He told me that he was showing off.

We were casually watching Slappy swimming when Pete said something I never expected him to.

"So are you doing anything tomorrow night?" He asked but I sensed some subtle suggestiveness in there.

"I'm not sure yet, whatever I feel like doing at the time,"

"Cool," He nodded slowly before slipping back into his thoughts.

The atmosphere tensed somewhat as I wondered what the next conversation was going to be.

"Hey Amber?"

"Mhm?" I smiled cautiously, not making eye contact.

"If you can't find anything to do tomorrow night then could you possibly want to come for a drink with me?" He offered sheepishly.

"Um..." I trailed off.

"You don't have to if you don't want to,"

"I'd love to Pete, really I would, but,"

"But," Pete muttered disappointedly under his breath.

"I'm not really looking for anything right now. Not even a fling really so I don't really want to go on a date with anyone, I'm sorry,"

He shrugged, "It's no big deal, don't worry about it,"

Gosh, I felt so guilty.

He sighed despondently and stared at Slappy.

"Pete, I honestly swear that you don't want o get involved with me. If I had more time I'd snatch that offer up in a second because you're a cute, sweet, funny guy, but I really don't want to drag you into my life at the moment 'cause it's so damn hectic," I tried to explain further.

"I understand- truly I do," He nodded and paused slightly, "What do you mean 'if you had more time'?"

Oh crap. I'd mentioned it and now I couldn't find another explanation.

"Um... I'm really busy and I don't have much time for my love-life right now," I spoke in a questionable tone.

"What makes your life so hectic anyway? Hannah mentioned that you'd quit your job,"

Damn you Hannah.

I sighed, forget it, I'll just tell him.

"Pete," I began carefully, "The real reason why I'm not looking for anything and the reason why my schedule is so hectic is because I don't actually have much time left,"

"Yeah you mentioned that, but I don't understand why,"

Biting my lip slightly, I gulped, "I have leukaemia,"

I swear he stopped breathing for a second.

"I have this list that I want to finish in the next nine months- my last nine months- and that's why my schedules so hectic. The reason I don't want to get involved with anyone is because I don't want to spend this time with them and end up having really strong feelings for them after I've gone through all this trouble of preparing myself for when it happens. I also don't want them to get feelings for me and then die on them and hurt them- And you're such a nice guy, I really don't want to hurt you. Better rejection than grief, right?"

"You say that like I won't be upset,"

"Well you're not going to be as upset as if it was Slappy, right?"

"Completely different kind of relationship but I get your point," He chuckled.

I smiled, "Yeah I should hope it's not that kind of relationship,"

He grinned and I nudged him with my shoulder.

"Shall we get back? They're going to be wondering where we've got to. I only said we were going to the toilet,"

He nodded, jumped down off the rock and helped me down too.

I shook Slappy's hand again and Pete showed me how to hug him before we made our way back to the others.

"So what've you done on your list so far?" Pete asked me as he guided us all to the entrance.

"Um... I've had a space hopper race and I've swam with dolphins," I replied.

"Oh so this was one of the things on your list?"

"Yeah, and you've helped me get one step closer to completing it so thank you," I grinned at him.

"I'm happy to help,"

"Let's go then Amber love," Ruby linked my arm and linked Hannah's too.

We thanked Jamie and Pete once more before we wandered over to the car and made our way home.

"That was amazing," Hannah clapped, hugging me tight, "Thank you for letting me come with you,"

"It was my pleasure sweetheart, I'm glad I could help you do something that'd be on your list too," I smiled, "Hey Rubes, can we stop at the shop please?"

"Yeah," She muttered back, nodding slightly.

Five minutes later, Ruby pulled over to the side of the road and I got out.

"Want anything?" I offered.

"No thanks," They both declined.

Nodding, I closed the door and headed for the shop.

Suddenly, my shoulder knocked into someone else's.

"Oh, sorry!" I apologised, regaining my balance as I glanced at the person's face.

"Sorry, my fault, I wasn't looking where I was going," A familiar voice replied.

How could I forget it?

Brendon.

"We keep running into each other don't we?" I smiled playfully.

"Seems like it yeah," He agreed with a hidden grin.

"You alright?"

He nodded, "Yeah, you?"

"I'm great,"

"Sorry I have to get going, busy schedule and stuff,"

"Oh, okay, well I'll probably see you around," I greeted.

"Yeah..." He chuckled, "It was nice to bump into you... Again,"

"You too,"

We waved at each other before I headed into the shop and he headed off to wherever he was going.

It was strange how we kept bumping into each other like this.

It was like something wanted us to know each other...

And I believe in things like this... Now I just have to work out the reason why we should know each other.

But I had a feeling I'd have time to figure that out.

To Do List1. Buy flowers for mum and help them understand.
2. Have a space hopper race.
3. Swim with dolphins.

Three down, twenty two to go.