Even Forever Doesn't Seem Like Long Enough

The rollercoaster took us upside-down, left, right, up, down, over in loops and every possible way that exists.

It was one of the scariest experiences of my life. My stomach was turned over and inside out and I felt like my brain was being thrown around in my head.

And as promised, I never let go of Brendon's hand.

Which actually made it scarier because I couldn't hold onto the other handlebar to keep be steady.

As we stumbled off the ride and down the steps into the fairground, I noticed that Brendon's face had begun to go a pale green colour and he was wobbling slightly as he plodded along with me.

"Brendon," I stopped walking, "Are you okay?"

He turned to look at me and slowly shook his head.

"Um, maybe you should sit down," I suggested, eyeing our surroundings for a place to sit. My eyes landed on a cafe and I guided him over to a seat, "I'll get you some water,"

I went up to the cafe and got him a bottle of water before sitting back down across from Brendon.

He briefly thanked me and took a large gulp.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realise rollercoaster's made you this bad," I apologised, shuffling my chair closer to him.

"It's not your fault, I forced myself to," He spoke cautiously; probably afraid he'd throw up if he opened his mouth.

"But-" I stopped as he waved his hand dismissively.

My eyes travelled over his face as he drank some more water.

His skin became pinker and less green so I assumed he was back to normal.

"Feel better now?" I smiled.

He nodded slightly, "Yeah, a bit more,"

I rubbed his arm caringly, "We can actually go now if you want, unless you want to do something else here,"

Shrugging, he took another sip of water, "I don't mind, I don't really need to do anything so, yeah, we can go if you're done here too,"

"Okay then, let's go when you're feeling good enough to walk," I nodded finally.

He smiled and held his stomach slightly, "I think I'm alright now,"

"You're sure? I don't want you collapsing on me on the way to the car,"

Chuckling, he slowly but surely got to his feet, "Yeah, I think I'm good,"

I linked my arm with his, "Support," I stated simply as he looked at me with a sheepish grin.

But he and I both knew it was only very partially there for support.

The half hour drive home was filled with more laughing and joking- so much so that I swerved at one point and almost killed us- as well as more talking about each other.

It's surprising how much you can learn in two thirty minute journeys.

As I pulled in near Brendon's house, he unclipped his seatbelt and grinned at me which would've made my knees week if I wasn't sitting.

That smile was stunning- completely unbeatable.

"Thanks for the company and for coming on a massive rollercoaster with me," I tucked some hair behind my ear and gazed into his set of hypnotising brown eyes.

"You're welcome, thank you for the invitation,"

"Anytime," I replied, "See you soon, yeah?"

"See you later," He greeted, turning in his seat to get out.

As he opened the door and put one foot out, he paused and looked over his shoulder.

"Hey, do you um... Do you want to come in for a bit for coffee or tea or something? It's still only early yet and I'm still on my own," He invited.

"I don't mind, do you want me to?"

"It's up to you- You don't have to if you don't want to, you probably have something better to do-"

"I don't," I interjected, shaking my head.

"Oh... Well, do you want to?" He looked at me hopefully.

I couldn't say no (not that I wanted to, of course).

"Sure, that'd be nice," I bit the edge of my lip and turned off the engine, undoing my seatbelt.

I heard Brendon's door shut and I got out of the car. He met me around my side of the car and led me into his house.

He let me go in first (like the gentleman that he was) before he led me into the kitchen.

Soon, he'd made and passed me my drink.

"Thanks," I smiled, suddenly feeling warmed by the small tingles that appeared in my fingers as they briefly touched Brendon's.

Then again, it may have been the hot cup of liquid in my hands that 'suddenly warmed me' but I preferred my first theory.

"So, when are you next in work?" I asked, blowing on my drink.

"Monday, now, I'm off tomorrow 'cause it's Sunday," He replied, "What about you?"

"Oh, I don't work,"

"Don't you?"

"No," I shook my head, "I did but I quit a few months ago,"

"Why?" He seemed intrigued.

Well, Brendon, I found out I have leukaemia so I figured I have better things to do with the next few short months I have left.

I only said that in my head- a startling reminder of that very large secret I'd been keeping from him.

I shrugged, "Personal reasons," I responded evasively.

It wasn't entirely false... Actually, it was true- it just wasn't elaborated extensively.

Not that it needed to be. 'I have leukaemia' isn't exactly an extensive elaboration.

He nodded slowly, "Okay... Change of subject from the awkwardness," He added light-heartedly.

I laughed slightly and caught his eyes with mine, "Good choice,"

"So, any plans for the evening?"

"No, not really. What about you?"

He shook his head as he combed his fingers through sleek brown hair and leaned against the counter.

We fell briefly into silence. A comfortable one, but a silence nonetheless.

"I didn't think it was actually possible for us to run out of conversation," I joked, looking around the kitchen in observation, "Fuck me, how big is your garden?!" I exclaimed as my sight landed on the vision of green beyond the kitchen window.

Brendon chuckled lightly at my phrasing, "Quite big,"

"Quite big?" My eyebrows rose.

A half-smile graced his features as he wandered over and stood by my side.

"I'd say that we could go outside but it looks like it's going to rain so we're best staying in here,"

"Let's go out anyway," I shrugged, wandering over to the back door and going outside.

I took a deep breath of the fresh air and smiled to myself.

Only a few months left of that feeling, better make the most of it.

My smile faded at that thought and my eyes scanned the beautiful landscape ahead of me.

"How the hell do you keep your garden so perfect when you work so much?" I enquired, noticing that all his plants were well looked after.

"I have a gardener," He stated.

My head slowly turned to look over my shoulder at him.

"Shut up; you do not have a gardener,"

He nodded, "Yeah I do,"

"Why?!" I spluttered.

He frowned and sarcastically replied, "To look after my garden..."

"I know that but why? What's the point in having a garden if you're not going to use it?"

"I do use it; I sit out here when it's warm,"

"But why have a garden when you're not going to look after it yourself?" My head tilted slightly in incomprehension.

"For the exact reason you said before," He was right behind me now, "I don't have the time,"

"So why have a garden?"

"Because it's nice to have one," He shrugged.

I pulled my elbows into my body and hugged my cup tighter. It was actually quite cold.

"Shall we go inside?" He whispered, feeling him place a hand gently on my waist.

I was desperate for nothing more than for him to wrap his arms around me and pull me into him.

I really wanted him to just hold me.

I turned around and smiled at him, "Okay,"

My stomach jumped just from seeing him after the few seconds I hadn't been looking at him.

We got inside and I closed the door, leaning against it as I gazed at him.

"What?" He furrowed his eyebrows with a small smile.

I shook my head, "Nothing, I was just looking," I pushed myself off the door and stepped closer to him.

His head tilted and we scanned each other's faces before he stammered, "And do you like what you see?" It was as if he was a little nervous about saying it.

It actually seemed like he hadn't said anything like that to anyone before; Especially a girl like me.

I smirked, impressed with his confidence. I didn't know he had it in him.

My hands slid into my back pockets and I stepped another bit closer to him.

Hearing him take a sharp intake of breath I slowly reached out my hand and slid it into his, "I think that's for you to work out for yourself,"

His brown eyes bore into mine as he suppressed his smile.

"And, what about you- Do you like what you see?" I returned.

I felt his hand squeeze mine before he whispered tantalisingly, "I'm not telling if you're not," Before he slipped his hand out of mine and wandered out of the room.

Smiling to myself, I paused briefly before I followed him outside.

He was unknowingly leading me towards the front room.

But as we walked though the hall my eyes noticed an ajar door that, if I wasn't mistaken, had one of the most beautiful things ever in existence in it.

"Brendon," I called, just loud enough for him to hear me.

He twisted around, "Yeah?"

I pointed to the room with the slightly open door, "Is that what I think it is?"

"That all depends on what you think it is," He raised his eyebrows as he spoke.

"Can I go in?" My voice seemed to have a cautious tone to it.

"Sure, knock yourself out," He nodded, gesturing to the door.

I beamed at him gratefully before slowly pushing the door open wider.

I gazed at the beautiful piano in awe.

Looking over my shoulder and noticing Brendon, I stared hopefully, "Could I?" I asked simply.

He nodded and I made my way over to the instrument.

I sat down on the seat-thing and lifted the cover from the keys.

Running my fingers over the black and white keys, an inadvertent smile came to my face. I pushed down on one of the keys and shot my head up in an attempt to follow the elegant note that reverberated around the room.

"Can you play?" The beautiful note was followed by Brendon's soft voice as he came closer to me.

I looked up at him, "No," I shook my head as I watched him step over and take a seat beside me, "I know you do though," I added.

He smiled, "Yeah it's kind of obvious,"

"And you told me,"

"That too," He chuckled, letting his fingertips graze the keys.

Strangely, it seemed like he should play piano- It suited him and it seemed like it came natural.

"Would you play something?" I wondered, bright-eyed and hopeful.

"Oh, I don't- I don't know," He stuttered, retracting his body and fingers from the keys with reluctance.

"Oh, Brendon, please? I'll never ask anything of you ever again," I bargained.

"You know as well as I do that that's a lie,"

I laughed, "But, please? It'll make me happy,"

His gaze signalled to me that his defences were weakening.

"But what would I play?" He sighed despondently.

"Whatever you want to,"

"I'd rather play nothing at all," He retorted.

"Come on," I nudged him slightly, "You don't even have to play a full song- Half of one will do; a quarter even, just... Something. Anything at all," I begged.

He cast a glance my way before positioning his hands, muttering, "Fine," under his breath.

I side hugged him, showing him a toothy grin before settling back into my seat, waiting.

I saw his hands were shaking a little before he began to press his fingers on the keys, instigating harmonious sounds from the piano.

I didn't know what he was playing but it was amazing. The expression- the passion- on his face as he played made it seem like his whole soul was emanating through his fingers.

He was in his element. I could tell from everything about him.

As Hannah might say- His aura was complete- Or something ridiculous along those lines.

Unfortunately, it only seemed like Brendon played a quarter of a song. It was so astonishing I didn't want it to end.

He slowly pulled his hands away from the keys and scratched his head a little.

"Whoa," I breathed.

"What?" He looked over at me.

"That was insanely amazing,"

He let out an airy laugh, "Not really,"

"It was," I contradicted, "I wish I could play like you,"

"Then why don't you learn?"

I shrugged, "I've never thought about it,"

"Here, I'll teach you something now," He grabbed my hand, folded all my fingers over except for my index finger and then pushed my finger into the keys.

'Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star' echoed from the instrument and I laughed.

"How fabulous am I at this?" I joked.

Threading his fingers through mine, he squeezed my hand gently, "You're great at it,"

"I know," I smiled, intensely loving the feeling I was getting from our entwined fingers.

As we both stared at our hands I felt those butterflies return stronger than ever in my stomach.

"Brendon," I whispered, "I know this is going to be a very random question, but I was just wondering," My eyes strayed from our hands to his eyes, "Do you have a girlfriend?"

He smiled a little, "No,"

I nodded, "A fiancée?"

He shook his head, "No. I don't have a wife either,"

"Oh right," I felt relieved because I'd never actually thought to ask that before.

"Do you?" He paused briefly, "Have a boyfriend, fiancé or husband I mean, not a girlfriend... Then again..." He trailed off.

"I'm straight," I chuckled slightly, "And no I don't,"

"Cool,"

I unlinked our fingers and began to play about with his hands, staring deeply at them.

"I love your hands," I spoke randomly.

"Why?" He looked at me strangely.

"I don't know," I shrugged, "I just do. There's something about them,"

"I know what you mean," He murmured, "Because there's 'just something' about you,"

My fingers ceased their movement and I moved my eyes up to his, "I hope that's a good thing,"

He nodded, "Yeah, it is,"

8.30pm

After announcing that he was going to the toilet, Brendon walked out of the room and, when I was sure he was out of view, I reached into my pocket and unfolded my piece of paper- My list.

I gazed at the six activities already crossed out and at my next task then down at the other eighteen after that.

I was actually wondering whether I could get all these done in time, wondering whether I had less time than the doctors actually said.

So I needed to get these things done as quickly as possible so there was less chance I'd run out of time.

I wanted to finish my list otherwise I couldn't die happy. To finish it was my last wish on earth and I'd feel like I'd failed if I didn't.

On hearing footsteps coming down the stairs, I folded the paper back up and shoved it back into my pocket. It'd be quite a hard one to dismiss if Brendon saw it.

"Hey," He fell onto the couch beside me before frowning, "You okay? You look a little pale,"

My hand automatically went to my face, "Am I? I'm fine, I feel alright; probably just tired,"

"Well you can go home if you want,"

"Do you want me to go?"

"Only if you want to,"

I chuckled, "I don't but I will if you want me to go,"

"I don't want you to go either," He smiled.

I knew I was blushing- I didn't have to check, I just knew.

"You're not doing anything tonight, right?" I began.

He shook his head, "Nope,"

I bobbed my head in recognition before jumping up out of my seat.

"Come somewhere with me?" I asked hopefully, holding out my hand and smiling.

"Where?" He furrowed his eyebrows unsurely.

"I want to take you somewhere with me," I replied, leaving his question unanswered, "Trust me," I urged reassuringly.

Slowly, he reached out and grabbed my hand. I pulled him up from his seat and led him outside, letting go briefly so he could lock the door.

We go into my car and, soon enough, we were headed to our destination.

"So, are you going to tell me where we're going?" He enquired casually.

Casting a glance over to him, I wore a cheeky smile, "Maybe,"

"I hope you're not kidnapping me and taking me somewhere private so you can brutally murder me,"

"Again," I replied, "Maybe,"

He laughed and looked out of his window.

"I'm kidding. Though I'd love to, I'm not kidnapping you, I am taking you somewhere kind of private but it's not to murder you,"

"Well that puts me kind of at ease," He frowned slightly, "But why exactly do you want to kidnap me?"

I snorted with laughter then almost started laughing at my funny noise, "To get you away from work so you can relax and not look like so tense all the time... And to get you to myself for longer than a few hours," I replied sheepishly, scratching the back of my neck.

"How on earth can you tell all these things?" He wondered out loud as I pulled up at our destination and turned off the engine.

"What do you mean?"

"Am I really always that tense?"

"Well no... But from what I've learnt about you since we've actually had a proper conversation, like I said the other day, you just seem like you could do with a break,"

He nodded, seemingly in agreement.

"Well, why don't you take a few days off if you think you need a break too?" I suggested.

"Do you know what?" He began, turning his head to look at me.

"What?"

"I love my job and, even though it takes up most of my life, I've never had a complaint about it since I've had it," He explained, "But lately, more specifically since I met you, I've begun to dislike- even hate my job at times,"

I gulped, apologies pouring out of my eyes, "I'm sorry- I didn't realise I was doing that to you; I don't want you to hate your job because of me,"

"No, Amber, you're missing my point. It's not you personally that's caused me to hate my job sometimes it's you opening my eyes to what I've been missing- I never actually spent the last of my teenage years doing what you're doing now- Actually living like there's no tomorrow,"

Ironically, there might not have been for me.

"Sorry, I'm still not getting your point,"

"Because I've never done all the things I should've done, I've never learnt to be like you- I've never even had the chance to be like you,"

"What do you mean 'like me'?"

"Spontaneous!" He exclaimed almost making me jump, "Impulsive, random, completely uncaring about what will happen tomorrow if I do something today!"

I smiled then gently took his hand, "Come on," I gestured towards the outside of the car before getting out.

He followed suit and I linked my arm with his, leading him along the pathway.

"You know, you can't learn to be spontaneous because trying to be spontaneous means that you're not actually doing it at all; It'll be planned, do you know what I mean?" I explained as we fell into step with one another, "You can't think about being impulsive, the whole idea of it is that you don't think at all,"

"But how do you learn to not think?"

"As far as I'm aware, you can't," I shrugged, "But sometimes things can happen to you and you'll wake up and think 'God I am actually wasting my life away by not living it'. If you think about it, people see living life 'like it should be lived' in different ways. Like, some people may think that you haven't lived if you haven't been in love but some people can go their whole lives without falling in love, you see?"

"Have you always been like you are?" He put his hands in his pockets so that our linked arms came further into him and I was almost standing on his toes.

I rolled my eyes up to the starry sky and sighed slightly, "No, not until a few months ago,"

"So what made you like this?"

Slowly, I turned to him and stated simply, "One sentence can completely change your outlook on life- I got that sentence a few months back,"

"Can I know what that sentence is?"

Biting my lip, I shook my head slightly, "I'm not ready to tell you yet... I will though- Soon,"

He nodded briefly, "So why are we at a random park?"

I pulled him a little faster up a very steep hill and grinned at him, "To see the view,"

"The view? What do you-" He cut off as we reached the top, "Wow," He breathed.

I gasped. Honestly, I'd never seen it before either- Not at night time anyway.

"Isn't it the most beautiful thing you've ever seen?" I beamed at him, gazing down at the glistening lit up city in front of us.

"Second most beautiful," He contradicted.

I took my eyes off the view and looked up at him, confusion etched into my features.

He smiled sweetly, "You're forgetting that I've seen you,"

I couldn't stop the grin stretching across my face.

After unlocking our arms, I slid my arms around his waist and held him tight. Cautiously, his own arms snaked around me and we held each other close.

"Thank you," I whispered.

"There's no need, I'm only telling the truth," He murmured into my ear sending delightful shivers all over my body.

I leaned up on my tip-toes and left a kiss on his cheek before snuggling back down into his shoulder, feeling somewhat like our bodies fitted together.

At that moment, I wished that my last moments would be spent here in Brendon's arms...

... Because right then, I'd never felt happier.

To Do List1. Buy flowers for mum and help them understand.
2. Have a space hopper race.
3. Swim with dolphins.
4. Hold a charity night.
5. Get drunk & sing loud and out of tune on karaoke.
6. Ride the biggest, fastest, highest rollercoaster
7. Go to the highest point in the city at night to see the lights

Seven down, eighteen to go.

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I've been roaming around
Always looking down at all I see
Painted faces, fill the places I can't reach
You know that I could use somebody
You know that I could use somebody
Someone like you and all you know
And how you speak

Kings Of Leon- Use Somebody

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