Greedy or Straight?
Coping
I woke up on my bed, I straightened my legs because they were tucked into my chest, for a moment I forgot, I forgot all the chaos of yesterday, what a long and horrible day yesterday had been.
Recap, I woke up next too a hooker, walked downstairs and found Ed crying, realised Ed had walked in on me and the hooker, he left me, I tried too kill myself, he stopped me, I fell and blacked out, he saved me, then he told me he was leaving me for someone else.
It then clicked, Ed didn’t love me, he put the tears on, he just wanted to find an easier way to leave, but instead he did it the hard way. If he just told me he found someone else, then maybe I wouldn’t of tried to kill myself. I only tried too killing myself because I hurt him, and I deserved to be punished.
He made me realise I love him, now to know he doesn’t love me back. It hurts.
Tears once again started to slip from my eyes, before long my face was soaked. I could taste the salt water in my mouth.
I got up from my bed, I stripped my clothes of from the night before, I sat back on my bed in just my boxer shorts. I looked around my room with blurry vision, I made a mental note of cleaning it soon, and my eyes got attracted to a small object on a cabinet.
I stood up and walked over too the cabinet, I picked up the object and walked back too my bed, I sat against my pillow with my legs out straight.
In my hand I held a small pocket knife, I pulled the knife out, and placed the cold shiny metal blade on my leg, I lifted it slightly then brought it down with force and speed, it cut along my thigh, my thigh began to bleed, I left it and placed the knife on my other thigh, I did the same motion and that also began to bleed.
I pushed the pocket knife onto my bedside cabinet, and sighed in relief. I found cutting myself a good coping mechanism. But even though I thought I was coping, I’m not.
I grabbed my dirty black t-shirt from the floor, and wiped my legs dry of blood, I flung my t-shirt across the room, I got up and grabbed a towel, I walked into the bathroom and started to run the shower.
I pushed my hand under the water to check the temperature, it was scolding hot, I stepped in and scrunched my face up because of the heat.
My body soon adjusted, I placed my head under the scorching water, and ran my fingers through my hair, and I slipped some shampoo on my hands and washed my hair thorough. I scrubbed my body until it was sore, I wanted to rid him of my life, I could still smell his sweet sent on my body, I just thought, if I rid him , it will be easier too cope.
Recap, I woke up next too a hooker, walked downstairs and found Ed crying, realised Ed had walked in on me and the hooker, he left me, I tried too kill myself, he stopped me, I fell and blacked out, he saved me, then he told me he was leaving me for someone else.
It then clicked, Ed didn’t love me, he put the tears on, he just wanted to find an easier way to leave, but instead he did it the hard way. If he just told me he found someone else, then maybe I wouldn’t of tried to kill myself. I only tried too killing myself because I hurt him, and I deserved to be punished.
He made me realise I love him, now to know he doesn’t love me back. It hurts.
Tears once again started to slip from my eyes, before long my face was soaked. I could taste the salt water in my mouth.
I got up from my bed, I stripped my clothes of from the night before, I sat back on my bed in just my boxer shorts. I looked around my room with blurry vision, I made a mental note of cleaning it soon, and my eyes got attracted to a small object on a cabinet.
I stood up and walked over too the cabinet, I picked up the object and walked back too my bed, I sat against my pillow with my legs out straight.
In my hand I held a small pocket knife, I pulled the knife out, and placed the cold shiny metal blade on my leg, I lifted it slightly then brought it down with force and speed, it cut along my thigh, my thigh began to bleed, I left it and placed the knife on my other thigh, I did the same motion and that also began to bleed.
I pushed the pocket knife onto my bedside cabinet, and sighed in relief. I found cutting myself a good coping mechanism. But even though I thought I was coping, I’m not.
I grabbed my dirty black t-shirt from the floor, and wiped my legs dry of blood, I flung my t-shirt across the room, I got up and grabbed a towel, I walked into the bathroom and started to run the shower.
I pushed my hand under the water to check the temperature, it was scolding hot, I stepped in and scrunched my face up because of the heat.
My body soon adjusted, I placed my head under the scorching water, and ran my fingers through my hair, and I slipped some shampoo on my hands and washed my hair thorough. I scrubbed my body until it was sore, I wanted to rid him of my life, I could still smell his sweet sent on my body, I just thought, if I rid him , it will be easier too cope.
♠ ♠ ♠
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