Love is a Two Way Street

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Don't do that in here!"

I struggled to get free from Edwin to see who it was that had said that. As soon as my eyes saw him, I wanted to tear him apart. I held grudges--no matter how stupid they were.

Damn Nathaniel to hell and back and to hell once more!! And by the way, it was Nathan who had walked in. Though I hope you knew that. Really, I do. Did you? I guess it doesn't matter. Anywho...

"Nathan, go away," Edwin demanded, trying to kiss me again while I clawed at his face trying to get away.

"Why? How about you just go to your room or something? I pay taxes too you know?" Nathan told him, plopping his fat lazy butt down on the couch.

And the couch screamed "Help me! Help me! His arse is suffocating me!! Save the couch! Save my children!" Okay, now I was just scaring myself.

"Bitch," Nathaniel muttered at me and I stuck my tongue out at him, still fighting off the rapist I knew as Edwin.

"You're the one in my head, man-bitch!" I shrugged, smiling sweetly.

"Jade, shut up," Edwin commanded in a stern voice.

Oh, who's Mr. High n' Mighty now?

"Excuse me?" Who did he think he was!!!

"Shut up, I said."

"Now you're just being annoying!" I told him, ducking out of his arms and heading for the door.

"Jade dear, where do you think you're going?" He was beside me in a flash. Quicker even.

"Home. I am going home. H-O-M-E. Home! Home!" I did a little cheering routine. "What's that spell? HOME!"

"As cute as your ass would be in one of those tiny skirts--no. You are not going H-O-M-E. Actually, you are home."

"Oh no, I am not home, kind sir. My home doesn't allow donkeys in sombreros in it."

"Did you just call me a Mexican jackass?"

"Indeed I did. What are you gonna do about it? Open the door and kick me out?" I gave him puppy dog eyes as a joke.

"Jade, shut up."

"No! I will not shut up!" Have you ever noticed that when you say that, you tend to stop talking? Well, I did. There was nothing more to say!

"Jade, listen to me. You are staying here with me: your lover. Got it? We'll live happily ever after in a fairy tale ending as far as I care. I don't give a rat's ass, quite frankly, as long as you don't leave again. I'll just come back for you anyway."

"Edwin, no! How many goddam times do I have to say it? NO!"

"Yes."

"Okay, I didn't think I'd ever have to say this, but...." I took in a deep breath. "Rioolwaterzuiveringsinstallatieconsumenten- onderzoekershondenbrokkendieetwinkelgarderobejuffrouw!!!!"

Edwin stared at me and took in a deep breath as well.

"The toilet miss from a shop for diet food for dogs whose owner is a researcher for customers of a water clearing installation?!! ...What does that have to do with anything!!!"

"It means you are one dirty toilet!" I told him, giving him the cold shoulder.

That was the only thing I knew how to say in the Welsh language and it was a doozy! I love that word...

"And," I continued, "That I am not staying here!" I grabbed the doorknob and somehow--I don't know when it happened--I was lying on the floor as Edwin pinned me, snarling in my face.

"Jade. You. Are. Staying. With. Me. Forever. Vous-comprenez?"

Now I was more fluent in French.

"Oui," I stuttered, shaking. But no way was I staying here and screwing up nature. No way in hell.