You Are My Downfall, I Am Your Forgotten Face

In two days Avenged Sevenfold will be playing at Chain Reaction. I have gotten the permission to go with the accompaniment of Dr. Vanderbilt. I must say, I feel nervous. This will be the first time I'll see him face-to-face in six years. I've always known who he was, but there is a difference in seeing pictures and seeing the real thing.

One thing has been on my mind since Dr. Vanderbilt told me we had the OK to go.

I love him, but does he still love me?

The answer to the question could be the end of my health, or maybe it could be the beginning of my true healing. Who knows? Only time will tell.

I sighed as I entered the room.

"Hello Alannah."

"Hi Doc."

"You seem a little down today."

"I'm nervous and worried." I admitted to her.

"Why? Oh is this about seeing them?" She asked.

"Yeah. It's just, what if he doesn't feel the same way I do?"

"Then, that's what you need. You need that closure, you need to know. You can't get better until you do. I was kind of hopping to do this later in your treatment, but do to the circumstances and the fact that you've been doing so well, I figured you'd be OK."

"What makes you so sure?"

"Belief in you. You're stronger then you know Alannah."

"I hope you're right."

"I know I am. I talked to your mother the other day."

I looked up at her. I haven't seen my mother in three months. "What did she have to say?"

"She doesn't approve of this."

"Didn't think she would. Ever since my father died, well she doesn't seem to approve of much. That was when all the problems with her and Matt started." I said looking at the doctor.

"Do you want to tell me about that?"

"I guess. It's a little out of order from the last time we talked, but it may be important to talk about before I see Matt again."

"OK. Last time we talked you talked about how you and Matt got all of your friends together right?"

"Yep, that was the week of homecoming." I said laughing at the memory.

"That was a good story."

"Yeah, it was. I guess I'll start with my father's death today."

"Alright. It's up to you what you tell me." I nodded and began my story.

I heard Matt's car pull into my driveway and a smile danced across my lips. We have currently been dating for seven months now. There was only one month left of school, and then summer break would arrive and we'd be considered sophomores. There was a knock on the door, but I didn't answer it, my father beat me to it. I walked to the door and stood behind him.

"Hello Matt. How are you today?" My father asked, letting Matt into the house.

"I'm great. How are you?"

"I'm good. Alannah!" My dad yelled, turning around, not knowing I was there.

"I'm right here daddy." I said holding my ear as Matt laughed.

"Oh, sorry sweety." My dad said giving me a hug.

After he let me go, I went to Matt and hugged him and kissed his cheek.

"Hi Alannah. You alright?" Matt asked with a chuckle.

"Just peachy. You know, your girlfriend going deaf is nothing to laugh about."

"I'm sorry. I wasn't' laughing at you. I was just laughing at the situation."

"LIES!!" I yelled. I heard my dad chuckle.

"Alright you two better get going, or you'll be late for school." My dad said chuckling.

"Yeah dad, because that's such a threat." I rolled my eyes and walked over to him. I hugged him and kissed his cheek. "I love you daddy. See you later."

He kissed my cheek and smiled. "I love you too. And I'll see you after school."

I made my way towards Matt and took his hand. "Bye mister O'Byrne." Matt said taking his hand.

"See you later Matt." My dad said, actually giving him a hug. Matt looked a little taken back, but put his unoccupied arm around my father.

Matt and I hopped into his car and he backed out of my driveway.

"That was a little odd." Matt said.

I laughed. "That's his way of saying he finally accepts you."

"Oh, well it was still awkward."

"It's alright. He probably won't do it again anyway."

"I'm OK with that." Matt said laughing.

The rest of the car ride was silent. Matt pulled into the school parking lot and parked his car. We got out and our hands instinctively found each other. We walked up to our friends with smiles on our faces. Matt and I had been able to get our friends together. Katie and Jimmy were standing, he was behind her with his hands wrapped around her waist and his chin resting on her head. Zacky stood side by side with Jacey, his arm holding her to his side. Johnny sat on a rock with Layla on his lap. Brian and Ellie were sitting in the grass, his legs on either side of her and her back rested against his chest.

Matt decided to pull me close to him. His face went into my hair and I could picture his smiling. "I love the smell of your hair, it smells like strawberries."

I giggled and looked up at him. I smiled and then connected my lips to his. I thought for a second and then I said it. I've been wanting to say it for a little while now, and though it's probably not the perfect time or the perfect place, I had to say it.

"I love you." I looked into his eyes. They sparkled with something new, I just couldn't place it yet.

He smiled, his dimples showing. "I love you more."

"Oh, we're not going to have this fight already are we?" I asked him sarcastically.

"Nah, just kiss me." He said smiling again. We broke apart when the bell rang, and made our way to our lockers. We got our books and headed to our first classes, which were right next to each other. He pecked my lips and we broke off, entering our own classrooms.

I had spaced off a little bit into the class and was in shock when a police officer stood infront of me and asked me to follow him.

We stood between Matt and I's classrooms and the policeman looked at me, sympathy evident in his eyes.

"Miss O'Byrne, before I start, I must say I wish I didn't ever have to do this."

"What are you saying?" I asked him, scared by the way he was acting.

"Alannah, today, at about eight this morning your father was on his way to work." He began the tears started to pour out of my eyes, expecting the worst. I heard a door slam next to me and then....

"I don't give a fuck Mr. Watkins! There's something wrong with my girl!" Matt screamed. I felt his arms wrap around me.

"As I was saying, the officer began again. He was on his way to work. Something must have been in the road, because he swerved. This caused him to hit a Ford F-350 head on. He died on impact. Again Miss O'Byrne, I'm so sorry." The officer said. "I contacted your mother, she said it was up to you if you wanted to stay here or go home." The officer left, leaving me in Matt's arms.

"Baby, are you gonna be OK?"

"He..he's g-gone!" I sobbed into Matt's chest. "Gone, gone, gone, gone,gone!" I yelled as I hit Matt's chest. He just stood there, taking each of my blows. "Why the fuck did it happen!" I yelled hitting Matt once more. "Why?" I sobbed, falling back into Matt.

Matt stroked my back trying to comfort me in some way. "I'm sorry Matt, I didn't mean to hit you."

"I don't care. You didn't hurt me. I'm just worried about you. Do you want to go home?"

"Not my place. Anywhere but there right now."

Matt nodded. "Come on. We'll go to my place." Matt said as he picked me up and carried me down the hall.

"Mr. Sanders! Get back here this instant!" I heard Mr. Watkins yell.

"Fuck you!" Matt yelled as he burst through the school doors. I felt myself being lowered down and placed on a soft surface. Matt leaned over me and buckled me into the car before running into his side and driving away.

We pulled up to his house. He got out and came to my side, lifting me out of the car. He walked up to his house and opened the door with one hand. He started up the stairs, until he heard...

"Matt? Hunny is that you? You're not sick are you?" Mrs. Sanders asked as she entered the room. "Oh dear! Alannah? Matt is she OK?"

"Not right now mom." Matt said as he continued up the stairs. We entered his room and he set me on his bed. He opened a drawer and took out a few of my things that I leave here in case I need new clothes. He made his way over to me and handed me the clothes before turning around. I quickly threw on the pair of sweat pants and over-sized Megadeath shirt and told him to turn around. He grabbed flannel pajama pants for himself and quickly threw them on. Matt sat on the bed next to me and took me in his arms.

"Why Matt? Why him? Why now?" I asked looking up at his face.

He looked back at me, sadness in his eyes. "I wish I could tell you Alannah. I really do, but somethings I can't explain, no one can."

I started to cry. "He's supposed to be there for me. I know he would leave me sometime, but I need him now."

"Shh, I know. I'll be here though. Alannah I promise to never leave you. I love you."

He took me by surprise when he told me that he loved me. My brain stopped and all I could see was black. That was when I finally realized something. "I love you too." I said locking eyes with him.

He pulled me closer to him, and I fell asleep. I awoke hours later, alone. I panicked. What if he left me too? He promised? "Matt!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.

I heard footsteps bounding down the hall and then his door slammed open. "What's wrong? What happened? Are you OK?" Matt asked quickly as he ran to me and began to inspect my body.

"I-i'm fine. It's just..you were gone." I said looking at the ground.

He sighed, coming to my side and pulling me to him. "I told you, I'm not going anywhere. I was in the bathroom."

"I'm sorry. I was scared."

"I know baby, I know." He said running a hand through my hair. "How about we watch a movie?" He asked looking at me.

"Sure."

"What do you wanna watch?" He asked standing up and going to his movie collection.

"I know this will sound stupid, but do you have any Disney movies?"

He chuckled. "Let me check the other room." He said walking out. He came back minutes later. "Um, we have these." He said holding up Peter Pan and Alice in Wonderland.

"I like them both, so you put one in." I said looking at him. He chose the one I didn't expect, Alice in Wonderland. "Really?" I asked him as he put the DVD in the player.

"Hey, if I have to watch a Disney movie at least let it be a trippy one." He said causing me to giggle.

We sat and watched the two movies until we both fell asleep.

"I think I see the linings of your problem." Dr. Vanderbilt said.

"Really?" I asked hopefully.

"He left, but he promised you he'd never leave. He left without telling you. You never got closure."

"I guess that makes sense." I said looking at her.

She nodded her head. "See you tomorrow Alannah and them on Friday we'll go on our trip." I nodded and walked out of the door.