Keep the Closet Door Closed

Jasper's Point of View
Her eyes narrowed slightly and she stared at me for a moment. "What do you mean, Jasper? I had my cry. I am fine now." she said, quietly. She was still hiding. I knew it. "Annabell, its okay to be upset. In fact, it is unhealthy for you to not be upset. Your friend just died and-" I began.

"My mouth is a jail cell
The secrets peek between the gaps in my teeth
And even though they're dying, yeah
Pray for sunlight,
They'll pray for sunlight"

She shot me a sharp glare. "I am aware of this, Jasper." she hissed. "I'd like to not dwell on it. I can't do anything to fix it because he is dead. When people die, they are gone forever. Well, with the exception of you- but Anthony isn't a ghost. Is crying going to bring them back? Is crying going to help anyone?"

"Wish my words came out less frantic
And more romantic
But these bathroom walls
And your callused hands make me scream for sunlight
Scream for sunlight"

I sighed. There had to be something she wasn't telling me. She must have lost someone else to death. "It will help you." I replied. Her eyes softened for a moment as if I'd gotten to her- as if I was beginning to make sense to her. The look was gone as quickly as if came, though, and she looked away from me. "I am not going to cry for you." she muttered.

"When I say I'll be cavalier
And when you undress me I'll pretend not to care
Because I am a soldier
Yeah, I am a soldier
And I'll stare tight lips into space
So while your greedy hands take what they can get
All they get is me

And I swear (I swear)
I swear (I'll be) so cavalier
And I swear (I swear)
I swear (I'll be) so cavalier when you're here"

"Annabell," I began. "I don't want you to cry so I can fulfill some sick pleasure or something- I want you to mourn. I want you to let it out because, if you don't, the pain will slowly kill you. Keeping it in will hurt you worse in the long run than just feeling it now." I was aware that I was beginning to sound like a talk show host but it didn't matter. I just wanted her to be okay- not to pretend she was alright.

"I know that every single talk show will tell me I should let it out, let it out
Their make up makes it seem so made up, I watched them all let it out, let it out
But there's no microphones inside these aching b-b-bones
I said that there's no microphones inside these aching b-b-bones"

She sighed but still didn't look at me. "I feel useless enough as it is- I don't want to start crying now and take the attention off of Anthony. Jasper, we can be together now but at what cost? Anthony was the sacrifice. Tonight isn't about me. It should be about him. How selfish would I be to expect you to avert your attention to me when someone was just violently murdered?" she asked, pausing for a moment, hoping I'd tell her Anthony died instantly or that he wasn't in pain- Sadly, I couldn't tell her that.

"And I swear (I swear)
I swear (I'll stay) so cavalier
And I swear (I swear)
I swear (I'll be) so cavalier when you're here"

I thought, for a moment, that I heard her sniffle but, if I did, I didn't want to press the issue. "I just don't want to do this right now." she whispered, suddenly saddened by the way Anthony died. I wrapped my arms around her from behind and whispered, "Fine. But it isn't as selfish as you make it sound. You are hurting and I want to help you through it. We don't have to deal with this tonight but we will get through this. I love you, Annabell."

"And I'm addressing it now
Fight this war with my mouth
Letting it out, I'm letting it out, oh
And I'm addressing it here
Fight this war with my tears
Letting it out, I'm letting it out, oh
I've been addressing it wrong
I'll fight this war with my songs
I'm letting it out, I'm screaming it out

I was a soldier, soldier, soldier
I thought I was a soldier, soldier, soldier"

She was quiet for a moment before whispered, "I love you, too." Oddly enough, (considering the circumstances) I'd never been happier in my life.