Keep the Closet Door Closed

"Oh, this is not cool!" I cried, seeing his face beside mine when I woke up. How could I have let this happen? For that matter, how could logic have let this happen? How could a ghost and a human just.. have sex? I must have lost my mind. This didn't happen. He's just a boy. He's not really a ghost- Just a boy. Just a boy with my virginity.

On that note, I hopped out of the bed and slammed my head into the brick of the wall, causing him to wake up abruptly. "What on earth are you doing?" he muttered, walking over to me and restraining me. I couldn't control my breathing and I couldn't control my limbs- I was just so angry at myself. For whatever reason, my virginity was important to me. No, I wasn't waiting for someone I loved because, again, I am not sure if I believe in love, but I did want someone I, at least, liked to take it. I mean, I could barely even tolerate ghost boy.

"Bones, calm down. It is obvious you aren't happy with what we did last night but you need to relax. What's done is done." he whispered soothingly into my ear. Soon enough, my body was calmed and he rested his chin on my shoulder. "What do you want to do about this?" he asked, his fingers rubbing the skin on my arm softly.

I had no idea. Wat could be done? "I am switching dorms." I answered before I even knew what I'd said. His skin felt even colder on my own and he choked out, "Oh." With that, he stood up, searched the room for his clothes and, when he found them, muttered, "I'll change." I didn't move until he entered the bathroom and closed the door.

Then, I began to do something I hadn't done in so long. I began to cry. What had I done? It wasn't that I didn't like him, I decided, and it wasn't that I wanted to leave him. It was just that- I wasn't sure if what we did was right and I knew I couldn't face him until I knew it was. But there was so much more to figure out. Why could he touch me? What did it mean for us?

The biggest question that was pulsing in my head was: Why did I let him touch me? What is it about him that makes me so.. weak? I knew it couldn't be love- Well, the truth is, I didn't. I guess I didn't want it to be love mainly because he was, to put it lightly, dead. He was a ghost. How could I possibly be in love with a ghost?

I didn't want to be in the room when he returned so I grabbed some clothes and left, unaware of where I was going. I just wanted to get out. I just wanted to think.