Drunken Lullabies

Isabelle inhaled deep, taking in the faint smell of marijuana as it drifted through the crowd, and she smiled. She had never had the urge to smoke anything other than cigarettes, but she had always loved the smell of pot. That was one thing she had kept from Wesley when he was alive. Not only was he a hard-core Christian and farm boy, he had always said he would never run around with anyone who was okay with being around any kind of drugs. Isabelle had always found this strange, considering he got ridiculously drunk with his friends every weekend throughout college and participated in more destructive activities than most of the stoners she knew. Being a raging hypocrite had been his worst quality, but she couldn't help loving him in spite of it.

Now, she was alone and surrounded by a multitude of drugs and music that Wesley would not have approved of, and she couldn't help but laugh a little. It was ironic how much she had changed since his untimely death, but she definitely didn't hate it. There was no sense in living in the past anymore; she needed to move forward with her life.

Putting on her best face and standing up a little taller, she pushed her way through the middle of a group of teenage boys, cutting their bragging of backseat accomplishments short. They all stared lustfully as she strutted through, and she knew exactly what was running through each of their dirty little minds. Looking over her shoulder, she caught the eye of the shy kid of the group and gave him a sly wink, just before throwing her hair back over her shoulder and continuing on her way.

"Damn!" she heard one of the boys call out. A smile spread across her face and she shook her head. It was a pathetic move, but that deliberate attempt at an ego boost had definitely paid off; it was just what she needed, even if they were just young boys.

A slight vibration on her right leg caught her off guard, and she stopped to dig her cell phone out of the pocket of her jeans. A picture of Madison singing into a hairbrush flashed on the screen. What the fuck? Isabelle thought as she reluctantly flipped open the phone.

"Yeah?" she said as she held it up to her ear. There was no way Maddy was done with her performance yet; it was supposed to have started only 15 minutes ago.

"I can't do it, Izzy!!" Madison's voice sounded frantic on the other end of the line. "I can't do it! Oh my God! What the hell am I supposed to do now?!?"

"Wait, what? What the hell is going on over there? What can't you do?" Isabelle tossed the questions at Madison with surprise. There was no way Madison could possibly mean that she hadn't been able to perform.

"I froze up there, dude!" was the response. "I never freeze. I know what I'm doing and I'm good at it, but I fucking froze!!" Madison's voice was shaking now and she sounded close to tears. Isabelle was going to have to find some way to fix this.

"Well," Isabelle said, pausing a second more to think of a response, "get the hell over it." she finally spat out in a bitchy tone. What? She never spoke to her best friend like that. Ever.

"Excuse me?" Madison said, more than a little surprised.

"You heard me. Look, do you really want to go back to living in a roach infested apartment with me and living off of whiskey and dehydrated Asian noodles, mooching off any band member we are lucky enough to seduce?" Isabelle asked in the same bitchy tone, silently praying Madison didn't say yes.

"Um...I uhh...no, I guess not."

"Well then, UN-freeze yourself, get your ass back up on that stage, and sing! You can't afford not to, Maddy."

"Wow. I guess you're right. I was just kind of hoping you'd be a little nicer about it."

"Oh, you wanted me to blow rainbows and butterflies up your ass?"

"That sounds disgusting, Izzy." Madison laughed.

"I know," giggled Isabelle, realizing how ridiculous she sounded. "Just go sing, okay? And don't call me until you're finished with the last song." She snapped the phone shut and shoved it back in her pocket, shaking her head again.

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On the other end of the line, Madison listened to Isabelle's last statement and managed to laugh out half of an "okay" before she heard a click and realized Isabelle had hung up.

Since when does Izzy use tough love? she pondered, picking herself up off the grimy bathroom floor to look in the mirror. The color was starting to return to her cheeks, and she didn't feel sick to her stomach anymore. Isabelle was right, she just needed to get out there and do it. She couldn't afford any form of stage fright right now.

"Stop pounding on the fucking door!!!" she yelled out to Austin, who had been knocking away at the door since she had ran off stage and locked herself in the bathroom. "I'll be out in a second." She began smoothing out her hair and adjusted her shirt to show a little more cleavage.

The knocking ceased and she heard muffled voices on the opposite side of the door. A wave of guilt rushed through her body as she realized the band probably hadn't kept playing after she ran off stage. There was no denying the rest of the band would be pissed off, not to mention Austin; he had gone out on a limb for her, and this definitely wasn't the way to repay him.

She took a deep breath and unlocked the door, swinging it open only to be greeted by four angry men.

"What the fuck were you thinking, Mads?!" Austin almost screamed. She had never seen his face that shade of red before, nor had she heard him raise his voice to her.

"Look, I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. Let's just go back out there and pick it back up, okay?" Madison pleaded.

"Too late," Jake, the lead guitarist, shook his head. "They've already got another band on stage."

"What?! I was only in there for 10 minutes!" Madison shouted, pointing towards the bathroom door.

"It was ten minutes too long, Mads," Austin accused. "You cost us the gig tonight."

"Man, I knew this was going to be a shitty idea. We should have just just stuck with Christine," the drummer retorted, his voice dripping with disdain.

Madison sighed, feeling completely defeated as the rest of the guys kicked around backstage, throwing their things into bags.

"I'll fix this," she muttered to herself. "I've got to fix this."

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"She's got nothing but shame. She takes pills for pain. She's got no one to blame, except for me. For meeeeee......" Seether belted out the lyrics with little enthusiasm. Isabelle had always loved their music, but seeing them in concert just ruined it for her. They were just...blah. She actually caught herself spacing out a couple of times, daydreaming of her meeting with Josh Todd. She had to snap out of her trance, though, before it was too late. She really needed to find a way to get back stage.

Scoping out the stage security, she focused on the ugliest one with a wedding ring on his hand and gave him a sly smile. The married guys were always the easiest to work with; after being married for a while, it was obvious they would start to fantasize about the things their wives couldn't or wouldn't give them. Not only that, but picking out an uglier guy was easier because it gave them an obvious ego boost that few men would turn down. They were such simple creatures.

She smiled again as she caught his eye, then looked away and began to move her hips slowly to the music. From the corner of her eye, she could see him working his way in her direction, looking her up and down. She could tell she already had him hooked, she just had to make sure to play her cards right.

Between songs, the security guard leaned up toward the gate to talk to her. This was the biggest advantage of having access to the floor.

"Enjoying yourself?" he yelled over the music. Isabelle smiled and moved a little closer to the gate so she could lean in closer to him as they talked.

"I always enjoy myself," she replied, raising her eyebrows. "How about you?"

"Watching the crowd? It's not that great of a job."

"Well I saw you watching me. It can't be that bad of a job," she flirted, tossing her head and continuing to sway her hips to the music. She thought she noticed his face turn a light shade of pink for a fleeting second as he coughed and ducked his head.

"So uh...you here with anyone?" he asked, looking back up.

"No, I'm alone."

"Alone at a show like this? What possessed you to....oh shit! You okay?!" he shouted as Isabelle was knocked to the ground. The crowd surfer who had landed on top of her jumped on his feet laughing and took off barreling back into the middle of a mosh pit. Isabelle hadn't been paying attention to the crowd surfing since she was at the edge of the crowd. Apparently that had been a wrong move.

The security guard held his hand out over the railing to help her up. She took it, embarrassed, and pulled herself up slowly.

"Shit," she said, realizing she could make the most out of this situation. "Shit, I really think I fucked up my knee." She hobbled on her left leg, holding onto her right knee and wincing. If she was lucky, the ugly, married security guard would also have a heart.

"Here," he said, opening the gate next to her just wide enough for her to squeeze through, "come back here with me and I'll get you a medic." He threw a backstage pass around her neck and offered her his arm. She took the gesture, not caring that she was about to miss Buckcherry's performance.

I'm sure Josh will give perform even better on the back of the tour bus later tonight