You're So Last Summer

“Three favorite bands?” Frank asked aiming a skittle at my mouth but ending up hitting my nose.

“Dude that was almost up my nose!” I cackled. “Ok so three bands. Damn that’s the worst question ever. Ok so number one has to be Taking Back Sunday, I’ve always loved TBS even before I heard you guys. Two would be Chiodos and that’s a close second. And I guess I’d have to say you guys for my third. My brother was lucky you guys took him in.” I laughed throwing a pink jellybean at Mikey. It missed terribly. “Who was your first kiss?” I saw Gerard silently snicker while Mikey turned red and muttered something under his breath.

“What was that? I don’t think they heard you Mikey!” Gerard pushed with a patronizing smile on his face. I could help but smile a little when he smiled. It was kind of like it was contagious.

“Ughh! Fine Gerard, Billy Harrigen. And no she is not a guy,” Mikey snapped and hid his head in a pillow. I stifled a giggle and patted his back.

“Sure he’s not, Mikey. I mean she.” I let out a giggle and put my hand over my mouth. Mikey looked up and gave me an evil look. “Oh real mature Michael. Give the girl your death look.”

“You asked for it!” He defended. I rolled my eyes.

“So you’re a reporter?” Ray asked throwing a purple jellybean my way. I caught the purple jellybean in my mouth. That takes talent folks, pure talent. I noticed the amused glance Gerard sent my way. Oh my did I notice.

“Well, it would appear that way,” I laughed. It was surprising how comfortable I already was with the guys considering how I had only met them hours ago. “Do you want to read some of my articles?” I figured it wouldn’t hurt to let them, since I was proud of pretty much all of them.

I heard of chorus of yeses so I ran off into my bedroom and pulled out my scrapbook that I fill with every article I have ever written. It is huge.

“I started writing in middle school. Sophomore year I was the editor-in-chief of the paper, and it was rare that ever happened. My forte is mostly in feature writing; I have tried to do news articles but it’s harder for me to have that many rules I have to obey. I don’t take well to being told what to do,” I smirked, handing the book to Mikey as the rest of them gathered around. “I still write mostly features. I do a lot of reviews and some style and entertainment writing. I started off writing the obituary’s and you know that’s just a bundle of sunshine!” Gerard laughed quietly as he read.

I was starting to feel a little self conscious as they continued to read what millions of others read. It felt a little more personal when I was actually watching them read the articles. I saw Gerard glance up at me with a smile.

“You wrote a review for Three Cheers,” He grinned. I looked down at my feet in embarrassment.

“Well… You know. It was my job.” I had been so glad when they agreed to let me write the review and I had spent days perfecting it. But they didn’t need to know that.

We spent a few more hours looking at all my articles, and I reluctantly showed them a picture of what I looked like in high school. My natural brown hair was lighter then, my freckles more pronounced. My dull blue eyes stared back at me and I couldn’t help but smile at myself. I was such a fuckup back then.

I yawned and stretched my back slightly, glancing at Gerard to see that he was watching me. “Well, I’m off to bed! I have work in the morning,” I stood up and smiled hugging them all goodnight before walking off to my bedroom.

I went into my bathroom to wash my face and then I stared at myself in the mirror. I hadn’t worn any makeup today so my blue eyes looked a little grayer than normal, and my light brown hair looked a little limp. I sighed and pulled it into a high ponytail. Then I turned the water off and opened my door, greeted by Gerard sitting on the bed staring at the bathroom door.

“Sorry, I had to wash my face,” I smiled climbing into the bed and pulling my laptop out. He smiled in return and went into the bathroom.

“Oh wait, is it ok if I use your bathroom?” He asked, an edge of teasingness in his voice. I laughed.

“Your fine,” I replied waving him away. I pulled up a game of solitaire and quickly got caught up in the game, not realizing Gerard came back out until his breath chilled my neck. I was basically stuck, not finding anymore moves, and was trying to figure out a way to fix the game so I could win.

“Seven to eight, sugar,” He told me. I looked at the screen in surprise. He was right. I moved the seven to the eight and finally got the four I’ve been looking for since the beginning of the game.

“Thanks,” I replied distractedly, getting all the cards up to the top. I sighed when all the cards got to the top and closed my laptop. “Don’t call me that.” I protested as an after thought. He looked amused.

“Call you what?” He asked with a half smile. I put my laptop on the floor and turned on the TV.

“Sugar. Don’t call me sugar. It’s a bit degrading don’t you think?” I replied flipping through the channels and stopping at Family Guy.

“Well then what do you want me to call you?” He asked settling in the bed and looking at me instead of the TV.

“How about my name?” I answered dryly. He laughed and turned to the TV. “So as my bed mate for the day I need to ask a few questions.” He looked amused once again.

“Shoot,” He answered. I took a deep breath.

“What’s your favorite color? Who’s your favorite character in Winnie the Pooh? Do you have a girlfriend? And um, do you rather cats or dogs?” I asked seriously, pulling my legs up to me, and resting my head on my knees looking at Gerard.

“Well my favorite color is red, I like Rabbit the best because he doesn’t take anybodies shit, I like dogs better; I have a dog named Olivia who is staying with Alicia right now. And well, I was married but we just recently divorced. So I am single.” He laughed somewhat awkwardly.

“I’m sorry,” I murmured. “And Alicia is Mikey’s wife, right?” I glanced at the TV. My favorite commercial came on. I mouthed to words along with the Freecreditreport.com song.

“It’s ok; it was more of a mutual decision. We jumped into it to fast, and it torn our relationship apart.” He leaned back and put his hands behind his head. “And yes, Alicia is Mikey’s wife. So what about you, Layna?” I smiled.

“My favorite colors are red, purple, and yellow, but not together because that’s ugly.” I laughed quietly. “I like Eeyore and Piglet the best, because they are both the cutest, and even though Eeyore is pretty depressed, I feel like he’s been through more than the others. I mean I’d be depressed too if I always lost my tail and my house always fell down. I haven’t had a serious relationship since college, and I am currently single thank God. And obviously, from what you saw earlier I love me some Jelly. So yea, I like dogs more.”

“What do you have against guys?” he asked, as if he was generally interest. Which I’m sure he was.

“I just don’t trust them,” I said simply. “I don’t need a man in my life to make me happy. I’m fine with my brother and my friends.”

“What about the rest of your family?” He asked curiously. I laughed somewhat sarcastically.

“Life at home has always sucked. When I was thirteen my parents went through a horrible divorce. I- Brian had this attitude I kind of picked up. Like it didn’t matter. Life I mean. He, well he told me he would have never done it, but he almost killed himself. It made me think that if my hero, my own big brother, could be effected by that so greatly then maybe it was right.” I sighed and picked a fluff off of the blanket. “Dad kind of gave up in us. He just left right out of our lives pretty much. Mom didn’t have much left after the divorce, so we all moved into a two bedroom house. Mom and Darcy shared a room, Carles and I shared. And well, Brian had a mattress. We kept it in a closet and brought it in the living room at night.”

“Wow.” He said. I bit my lip and nodded. “So then what happened?” I sighed and closed my eyes thinking of what to say next.

“Ok well Brian and I have two sisters, Darcy and Carley. Darcy is about 31 I think, Brian is 29, I’m 27, and Carley is 23. Darcy has always been everything my parents wanted in a daughter. It was always ‘why can’t you be more like Darcy, Laney?’ or ‘Darcy never did this when she was your age.’ It drove me insane. It went to the point where I couldn’t do anything right. If I made honor roll, I should have made straight A’s. If my mother asked me to unload the dishwasher, I should have loaded it as well and I shouldn’t have had to be asked to do it in the first place. Like I was supposed to read her mind or something.

“And the arguments were always bad. Darcy was the perfect child, and Brian was the only boy so he got away with most his shit, and Carley was the baby and she was too little to really do anything bad anyway. I got in with this group, and it was pretty bad. I started to not care about anything either. It was always Brian and Me, all about the music. It was my life back then.” I smiled faintly. “When I was 14 Brian dropped out of our school. After that, he had no control over who I hung out with, or where I went, or even whether I was actually at school or not because he wasn’t there anymore. So it got worse and worse. I was into anything that was bad for me. I thought that nobody would care.

“When I was fifteen I got caught shoplifting and the guy called the cops. My Dad came and picked me up. He was so angry he wouldn’t even look at me. He was gripping the steering wheel so tight his knuckles were white. I- I didn’t even care. I had blocked all feeling away. It probably didn’t help that I was high. When I got to my dad’s Brian was there. He took one look at me and he knew that I was on something. He dragged me to my room and I stayed there until the next night. My Dad called me downstairs and just started to yell at me. He wouldn’t stop. So I yelled back,” I felt my smile fade, trying to find the right words to express exactly how I felt that night. I had never told anybody this story. I don’t even know why I was telling him. I guess because I felt that I knew one of Gerard’s secrets, he should know one of mine.

That night, all those years ago, that Gerard called Brian when he was going to kill himself, Brian saved him. Everybody knew that. But what they didn’t know was at the time Brian was at his friends. I had answered the phone that night. I had talked him out of it to the point where I could hang up, call Brian, and have him call Gerard back to finish up. But nobody knew that but Brian and me. And nobody knew exactly what went down that night on the phone but me. At least from what I could tell. Because I’m pretty sure Gerard was wayyy under the influence that night.

“Go on,” He interrupted. I looked up and him and saw he was intrigued by the whole story. I smiled sheepishly.

“Sorry,” I laughed. “So anyway, We got in this HUGE fight. I was cussing up a storm and he was doing it right back. When suddenly he snapped and slapped me. Really hard. I stopped talking my sentence. I don’t remember what I had said to him but I knew it hit below the belt. That’s really why I said. I wanted him to hurt like I had been. He just stared at me for a second then ran out of the house and drove off.” Ok, that was a lie. I did know what I said. But, honestly, I was being selfish. I didn’t want Gerard to know what a bitch I used to be. What a bitch I still am.

“Brian chased me upstairs wanting to know what had happened. He had stepped out for a cigarette before then. I didn’t say a word I just locked myself in the bathroom. I needed to think so I turned the bathwater on so I couldn’t hear him yelling at me. Suddenly the tub was full and I turned the water off to hear him shouting and threatening to kick down the door. I just ignored him and stared at the water. I tried to imagine how their lives would be without me. I decided that everyone would probably be happier. One less mouth to feed for my brother. He wouldn’t have to sleep on that damn mattress anymore. Carley would have all my old shit, that’d make her happy. Nobody would have to worry about me doing dumb shit anymore. I didn’t see any downsides.

“By then Brian had stopped his banging and left to go find the key for the door. I could still hear him yelling in the other room. I’m pretty sure I yelled something to him, like I love you, or goodbye or something. That part is a little hazy. I heard him run back to the door. He told me I better not be doing anything stupid or he’d kill me. I just laughed and stepped in the water. My pants were really wet, but it felt kind of good. I was letting go. I went under. I opened my eyes and stared at the ceiling mentally counting the seconds I had left. I had the urge to come back up but I fought it. I remember hearing a murky bang. It sounded different under water then it would above, so I had no idea what it was.

“I remember after that there was a splintered hole in the door for the bathroom, right next to the door knob so I can only imagine that Brian punched a hole in the door and unlocked the door from the inside and came in. I remember the look on his face. It was the first time I ever saw him cry. If I had enough strength I would have smiled, to tell him it was ok. I was finally ok. But I couldn’t. By the time he pulled me out it was almost to late. I remember looking into his eyes and him whispering that he needed me. That it would be ok. That he would never let anything happen to me ever. And then it was black.” I could see I was crying now. You would be to if you relived that experience again.

“Oh my god,” Gerard breathed out, his eyes wide. He grabbed my hand and I smiled through my tears as a thank you. “What happened after that?”

“I woke up in the hospital like three days later. Brian had given me CPR. It saved my life. I had to go to counseling until I turned eighteen. I chose to stop after that. I have a different out look on life now, especially after the phone call.” I mentally slapped myself. I forgot that he didn’t know.

“What phone call?” His voice sounded confused. I looked over to see his eyebrows knitted together. It looked kind of cute.

“Oh it wasn’t really important,” I lied. “it just, I feel like I made a difference. Helped somebody, saved their life even. That day was a big wake up call for both of us. The person on the phone I mean. And me.”

“Oh, that’s really nice. I think that person may feel the same way. That the phone call changed their life. For the better. A wake up call, as you said,” he sounded amused again. I couldn’t help but feel like he did know what I was talking about.

“Well thanks, I guess,” I smiled and sighed. In the relieved way. “You’re the first person I ever told that to.” I admitted. He raised his eyebrows.

“Ever?” He asked. I nodded. “So you’ve just told a complete stranger some details about your life that you haven’t told your closest friends or even past boyfriends?”

“Hey!” I defended letting go of his hand and crossing my arms. “We’re bed buddies! I had to tell you!” We both laughed and I felt my arms relax. He reached over and grabbed my hand again.

“So you never really explained why you don’t like your family.” He pressed. I sighed and he scooted closer to me. I could tell he was swept up in the seriousness and dramatic tone of my life story.

“Well, I’m really tight with Brian obviously. Carley and I talk almost everyday, but she’s still in college. She’s going to be a doctor. I don’t like my family, because even though I’m a really successful journalist and I’m making a lot of money, and I’m really well known here, I’m still not Darcy who had perfect everything: grades, hair, attitude, she got accepted into all the ivy league schools and she’s a fucking lawyer! And then Brian is managing a worldwide known band and bringing in the buckets like crazy with that and his record label. And Carley is going to be a doctor. She’s going to help people. But oh poor Layna! All she does is write about those kind of people.” I ranted. This was one of those things I only complained about to Rachie.

“Wow, Layna I-” He broke off and pulled me a little closer to him. I was almost in his arms. “I’m so sorry Sugar.” I stiffened.

“Gerard I didn’t tell you this because I wanted your sympathy. I told you because you asked.” I replied a little coolly. He leaned back a bit and studied my face. I instantly felt bad. “I’m sorry, it’s a habit.”

“You have a habit of biting off peoples heads because they are sad about the things you go through?” He asked raising an eyebrow. I rolled my eyes.

“I have a habit of snapping at people who press into my business and give me sympathy that I don’t need!” I replied firmly. Then I realized I had done it again. “Ahh! I’m just gonna stop talking.” I laughed burying my head into his chest. He laughed with me and wrapped his arms around me.

“That might be a good thing.” He replied teasingly. I slapped him playfully and sat up.

“Oh yeah, and what did I say about the name thing?” I asked raising an eyebrow. He laughed and turned off the light.

“Oh you love it,” he replied and then as an after though added, “Sugar.” I threw a pillow at him and laid back down.

“Goodnight Gerard,” I whispered. He took my hand and pulled me closer to him. I could feel his breath on my neck.

“Goodnight, Sugar.” He answered back, kissing my cheek lightly. I could feel myself blush and was suddenly glad it was dark. I fell asleep easily that night, in Gerard’s arms