Blue Fingers

Sometimes, there’s something about someone that makes it difficult for you to let go. It seems like this person will be by your side forever, and it will never go away, and you neither hate it or love it....do you believe this?

Friendship.

It’s not difficult to understand how I avoided Vera. At first it wasn’t really conciously, I just felt downward uncomfortable. It was weird seeing her stand up in class and steal a glance or two my way. It didn’t feel right to lower my gaze and stare at my fingers instead, but I couldn’t muster looking her in the eye.

Since Vera was really the only one I talked to at school, and after a week or so I had seen everything there is to see in every classroom I had class in, I ended up paying attention in class. I actually understood Pre-C. I realized once I had got over the initial boresome tone of my teachers, the lack of articulation of some, the cliche phrases and whatnot, they were really not that bad. Some were actually funny, and their classes interesting.

My grades started going up and my mother was proud of me. I actually enjoyed reading and makin assingments, it distracted my mind off things I’d rather not think about. Quite ironically, I had much more free time to myself. With only paying attention in class I didn’t need much studying, and it was refreshing to be able to walk outside and eat ice cream withou worrying about the next day’s test.

I felt free, and I loved it.

It became one ofmy newly acquired habits to walk to the the nearest park and eat a scoop or two of icecream on a bench, watching the people go by. After going to the same park for a few weeks I started noticing people that came on a daily basis. But instead of sitting on a bench under the shade of a pretty humongous tree that refreshed the air, they walked and walked until they their shirts were glued to their backs, or instead they just played some sport or walked a dog.

There was this girl, a beautiful twenty something with the most gorgeous hair and face I’d ever seen. She never smiled, though, not for the weeks I had seen her come. She got to the park everyday at three thirty, a golden labrador by her side. She walked Dalí until the dog was satisfied, and often, when there was no other bench available, she would nod at me as if asking consent to sit and rest there for a few minutes.

The only time I saw her talk was to call Dalí, or as she mumbled something sweet while she petted him. She looked like a such a sad girl, and it broke my heart in two.

Once, on an extremely sunny day I watched her as she gave her final walk around the park, drops of sweat rolling down her pretty face. I smiled at her as she walked towards me, and I patted the space beside me. She stared at me for a few seconds before nodding and seating by my side.

“Hey, my name’s Alexis.”

She stared at me as if I had grown a second head. After a few seconds she replied in a slightly hoarse voice,

“My name’s Beatrix.”

“That’s a pretty name...nice to meet you, Beatrix.”

“Uh-yeah...likewise.”

She mumbled, taking her eyes off me and tangling her left hand on Dali’s fur.
I took the chance to stare at her fingers. My eyes instantly went to the red string hanging from her pinky. I tried tracing it back to someone else but it was impossible. Whoever her half was, he or she wasn’t on the premises.
I bet you caught that he or she business. Well, after Vera I wasn’t ready to start assuming everyone’s sexual orientation was straight. I was even doubting myself at the moment, it was a crazy III World War on my head. I pushed the thoughts aside and focused on Beatrix. She looked rather uncomforable. As I curiously stared at her from the corner of my eye I realized this might be somewhat what I looked to other people: a quiet, awkward gitl without so much as a thought or two on her head. But Beatrix was so beautiful, I didn’t really think anyone would’ve let the opportunity to talk to her pass, especially if it was a boy we were talking about...but her fingers told the truth. There were only two or three strings, and really thin ones... I sighed as I saw her eyes trying to search for an excuse to leave.

“I come here everyday, Beatrix. If you ever have the need to talk to someone come sit with me. Eating icecream by myself everyday is getting dull.”

I said as I sat up, cleaning my jeans with my hands. I turned around and gave her the most sincere smile I could muster as I walked away. I don’t think I heard her say ‘okay’ or ‘goodbye’, but in my mind, she was thinking about my proposition, and she had said goodbye.

* * *
I sat on the school lawn on recess time, a sketchbook on the grass and a mechanical pencil sketching furiously. I had been trying to remember Beatrix’s face in the most detailed way I could imagine, and then I had to try my best to draw them back on paper. It wasn’t that I was really trying to make such a great art project, I was just was totally determined on getting that portrait perfect.

I was so concentrated it was some seconds before I realized there was someone sitting beside me. I shuddered as I turned around and saw Vera sitting by my side. She smiled at me, a half-sad half-happy smile. I tried to return it but my mouth wouldn’t obey me. I mumbled a ‘hello’ instead.

“Say you missed me.”

She commanded, her eyes fierce and troubled. I stood up and placed the sketchbook on my lap, staring at her full in the face.

“What?”

I stuttered, her request seeming quite out of place. She pressed her soft hands against mine and leaned slightly forward,

“Say you missed me.”

She repeated. I thought her words over, and in reality she wasn’t really wrong. I did miss her. It was difficult not talking to Vera everyday. But what I missed the most was talking to her about my problems, about the strings, about mom....I missed the old Vera and me, without Ethan and our bonding red string.

Stop thinking about Ethan! A small voice yelled at me from the back of the mind and I tried obeying, focusing on Vera instead. As I looked at her face I noticed she had traces of glitter on her face, and extensions pinned to her short hair.

“You came from a shoot?”

I asked, lowering my gaze. She sighed and pulled at the strands of fake hair.

“Yeah, I just came in. I saw you when I was parking.”

She explained, playing with the strands absentmindedly. I nodded,

“Short hair looks better on you.”

I stated. She looked up and frowned.

“And I did miss you, V. Things are just...”

“Too weird for you?”

She offered, a slightly offended tone under those simple words. I tried looking for another way to put it, but there really wasn’t one.

“Yes.”

I corroborrated, feeling defeated.

“Too weird.”

Vera stayed silent for a few seconds, searching my face for something I didn’t really understood. She gave me a small smile followed by a short giggle.

“So you tried making a pass at my brother?”

She asked in a mocking voice. I felt the red burning my cheecks.

“I did not! ...Is that considered a pass? He’s my soulmate...”

She frowned, passing a hand through her hair.
“If you treat him like property you’ll loose him. He’s not the poodle-type-of-guy.”

I groaned, playing with the mechanical pencil on my fingers, the strings gracefully passing through it.

“I know that much.”