Blue Fingers

Feelings are about the most complicated things that exist. Feelings, and relationships. Yet, the fact that both are so complicated, to undecipherable, so utterly stressful and a migraine is what makes them so unressistable. The pain of it all makes it the most pleasurable. Do you believe this?

We sat in front each of other, Beatrix spooning her sundae and me licking my cone. I had ignored the look of confusion in her face and decided to enjoy my ice cream no matter what.

“Okay, will you explain me please?”

She finally asked. I turned to look at her, the soft vanilla melting in my tongue. I cocked my head to the side.

“What?”

“How come Ethan doesn’t surprise you?”

She asked, her brows furrowing. I bit my lip, thinking what was the best way to explain it to her.

“He must’ve felt that if I wasn’t strong enough to survive this then I’d be better off alone. Plus, he’s a pessimist. He probably thought no matter what anyone else did I would die or whatever anyway.”

I explained in a matter-of-fact tone. Beatrix stared at me, startled.

“Of all the most non-sensical things...”

She mumbled, inserting an almost flooded spoonful into her mouth. I giggled.

“So you’re not going after him, then?”

She asked after a few minutes. I stared at her in silence.

What was I going to do about it?
Certainly, Ethan wasn’t just going to go running after me. As far as he’s concerned everything’s already done, isn’t it?

I felt the tears pricking at the sides of my eyes. I munched the last of my cone and stared at the crumbles on the table.

“Lexie?”

I looked up at her, the worried expression once again in her feautures. I kept making her face end up like that. I wonder how many headaches I caused her...I shook my head.

“I’m sorry, Beatrix. I keep messing up. Let’s just have a normal day today, just the two of us. How about we go to the mall, hm?”

She smiled, the happiness evident all over.

“Awesome!”

* * *

We walked around the mall, our hands carrying the heavy bags.

“I hadn’t been shopping in so long! I swear, I was wearing the same clothes since fourth grade!”

I said with a laugh, jingling the bags happily in front of me.

“It had been a long time for me too. Spekaing of school, what are you planning to do about it?”

“Hmm...I have to go there on Monday and talk it out. I think I can still pass this year, if I don’t then I guess I’ll have to do that test thingy that lets you validate. I’m sure as hell not repeating any years.”

I replied, looking at her straight in the eye.

“I’m sure they’ll let you graduate, you’re a smart kid.”

“God, you sound old Beatrix! I forget you’re older than me!”

I laughed. Beatrix, however didn’t say anything. I turned around, noticing she was a few paces behind and hadn’t caught up with me.

“Beatrix? What’s wrong?”

Beatrix was standing there like a stone, her face rigid and looked a little way ahead of us. I followed her line of sight and noticed just what had made her so upset. Ethan was sitting in a café, his reddish hair sticking out in the cutest places. He was, however, not alone. The figure was standing with its back towards me, but it didn’t take much brains to remember that long, black hair and knew who it belonged to.

I could feel the color rising on my cheeks.

Was I so disposable to him?

Was it really over?

I...

I...

I couldn’t let it be over.
I just couldn’t. There was no way in hell I was gonna let her have him,not after everything that happened. I am not that fucking crazy.

“Beatrix, could you wait for me for a second, please?Thank you...”

I said as I stormed off towards the café.Ethan and Eva were standing up already. In a way I was relieved to see that he was back to his robotic manners, and they weren’t touching at all. Ethan had a bored expression on, and Eva had one of satisfaction.

I wonder, did they have something while I was out of the picture?
From Eva’s expression I could tell that...

“Lexie?”

A voice called my name. I took my eyes off Eva and followed the source of the voice. It was him. He left behind the bills that the cashier was about to hand him and walked towards me. He didn’t rush, like those sappy romantic movies in which the protagonist runs and wraps his arms around the girl and kisses her fervently.

In fact, Ethan came as clumsily as I’d ever seen him. He walked slowly, his steps wobbly and odd-looking until he finally stood in front of me. I stared back, wetting my lips.

“You’re...”

He started to stay, stuttering slightly.

“Alive. And looking for you.”

I stated, staring into his eyes intently. A relaxed feeling came into him, I could see his shoulders and whole body relax in front of me, every tense muscle was no longer such.

“I’m glad.”

He said with a smile.

“I missed you.”

He whispered in the lowest tone, and I could see the fingers in his hand flexing ever so slightly. I took his hand, intertwining my fingers with his.

“I missed you, too.”

I told him, my lip quivering slightly. The right words came into my mind right there. They were at the tip of my tongue, so ready to be said it was embarassing. I didn’t know how could I express everything I was feeling into those three little words, but I had to try...for both his sake and mine. I mean, he had called me his girlfriend a couple of months back, so at least back then there was a slight possibility that he might’ve felt that-

“Lexie, can I tell you something?”

He asked, not moving from the spot we were in.

“Uh...sure...”

I said, still pondering on the things I wanted to tell him.

“I love you.”

“What?!”

I yelled. So loud, everyone around us turned silent and turned to see us. He smiled at me, pushing me a little closer.

“I love you.”

He repeated.