Blue Fingers

If I had happiness every second, every minute, every hour, every day of my life then this happiness wouldn’t really be happiness. What makes hapiness so precious is the lack of it, how hard it is to find. And then again, hapiness is a feeble thing, too much of it is never good, something bad always happens. Do you believe this?

“Morning.”

He said in an almost hoarse voice. I looked up at him from the wrinkled sheets, he sat on his desk with his laptop, a cup of fresh coffee in between his hands.

“G’morning.”

I mumbled back, rubbing my fingers against my eyes. I took his t-shirt from the floor and put it on, walking over to him and snatching the cup of coffee from his hands.

“I gotta run, I’m gonna be late for work...again.”

I placed the coffee back between his hands and gave him a peck in the lips. I heard the sound of china being hastly put down against wood and his hands were around my face, deepening the kiss, pulling me towards him. We gasped for air, and I placed a hand on his chest,

“I really need to go. I’m afraid I’ll be fired and I actually like this job.”

He shrugged his shoulders and went back to his laptop as I walked over to the bathroom. I left the door open as always, Ethan had an issue with doors. He said if he could he would rip them out their hinges but that the landlord disaprooved it. I told him he could do it in our place when we got one.

Warm water spilled over me, gluing my hair against my face, loosening the tight muscles on my back.

“Hey, what did you tell your parents this weekend?”

Ethan asked, his voice louder so it would get through the shower noise.

“That I was with Beatrix in a field trip.”

“And she’s okay with that?”

“Yeah, she said something about ‘using condoms wisely’. She wants us to get our own place fast, though.”

I heard him chuckle as I soaped my body away.

* * *

“Your mother called, I didn’t think you’d be able to make it.”

The assistant manager told with a surprised expression as I entered through the backdoor of the hamburger restaurant. She was carrying a few boxes with her, her arms trembled a bit so I walked over to her and took half of the load.

“She did?”

“Yeah, she said something about a very important day coming close and arrangements to be done. She did tell me that if you happened to come by I must immediatly send you home.”

Mom...knew about this? How did she know? Unless...I could feel my cheeks flushing, the tint of my skin turning a very bright red.

“Oh, that.”

* * *

I turned off the engine and ran over to the house, my footsteps hard and monster-like. Throwing the door open I found my mom flipping over a magazine. She looked up at me with glee in her eyes and I stared at the front cover of the magazine she had just closed. The word ‘bride’ was burnt in my sight and then all of the small details of the past weeks came to my head: how Ethan had been asking about our future, how he had asked if a house was okay or if an apartment would be better, he had asked about making things ‘official’ and what not. It all made sense now.

“I’m guessing Ethan stopped by?”

I asked my mother, annoyance evident in my voice. I say I was annoyed, but it wasn’t because Ethan had obviously come alone, sat my mother down, and talked to her about our plans. It was merely for the fact that she would ‘get down to business’ and tried to help as much as she could which, although good for the general outcome of the wedding, would be terrible on my nerves.

“Yes!”

She said with glee as she toppled over me in bone-breaking hug. I couldn’t help but smile right then. It wasn’t because my mom was breaking every possible bone in my body, nor because she hadn’t made a single complaint about Ethan but because of one single detail: I could actually smell her perfume. And don’t get me wrong, her perfume is that typical flower perfume that lingers in your nostrils for hours so that you can’t smell anything without having it overpowered by a sweet rosy smell; what made me happy was that my mother’s clothes didn’t stink of ciggarrette smoke as they usually did. It had been probably years since I could really smell my mother and not the inside of a burning oven. It was refreshing to say the least.

* * *
I walked up the stairs towards Ethan’s dorm slowly. I had so many things to tell him that they were clogged in my throat, making it difficult to swallow. I didn’t realize I had stopped altogether until I heard someone clearing his or her throat a little way off. I looked up and my eyes faced a girl with hip-long hair, whose intense eyes were staring right into mine.

“Eva.”

I stated, nodding my head in acknowledgement. She imitated me and for a few seconds she opened and closed her mouth but words wouldn’t come out. I stood there, curious as to what she wanted to tell me. Truth is, no matter how many times I went into Ethan’s dorm, I hadn’t seen Eva since that day a month or so ago in which I met her and Ethan at the mall. It was as if she’d dissappeared off the face of the Earth.

“I wanted to ask you something.”

She finally managed to say. Although in her powerful tone of voice you’d never guess she had been fighting with herself for over a minute.

“Sure thing, tell me.”

I replied , hanging my head to one side.

“I want to go to your wedding. Regardless of everything Ethan and I-“

“Sure.”

I said, cutting off what I was sure would be a solemn speech. I had thought of this before, anyway, and was planning to deliver her invitation as soon as Beatrix finished making them. She had turned a bit obsessive-compulsive over them.

“I know your history, we will give you the invite as soon as they’re ready.”

I informed her with a warm smile. She took a step back, a weird expression on her face. She ran to her door and closed it behind her with a loud bang. I thought I could hear a mild sobbing.

* * * * * *

I sat in the couch by the window, a red blanket with dark green firs was over my legs. Dylan’s head was resting over my tigh as he watched “The Faun’s Laberynth”, one of the old films of my time that I had saved up for him. His lower body was covered with a blanket similar to mine. I ruffled his spiky reddish hair with my hands as I stared at the christmas tree on the TV’s right.

“Sweetie, I’m off to work. I just have to check on a few things and I’ll be back for lunch.”

Ethan informed me as he put on took his coat from the hook my the door and put it on, walking towards us in the couch. Dylan looked up at his father while he hugged and kissed his mother, he scrounched up his face a bit and returned his attention to the TV instead. I smiled at my husband and then wrinkled my eyebrows at him.

“Do you think I overdid the Christmas tree?”

I asked him, staring once again at the tall fir Ethan and Dylan had picked up last week. He turned towards it and stared at it, placing a thumb over his lips.

“Nah, you should put up the fairy lights, though. I like those.”

“I like those too, mommy.”

Dylan said from his comfy place, not taking his eyes off the creepy faun.

“Okay, I’ll put them up now before I forget.”

Dylan grumbled slightly as I replaced my thigh with a pillow under his head. I moved around the couch and gave Ethan a long kiss as he walked out the door and started up the car. I waved from the kitchen window as the car zoomed away.

“Looks like dad is really eager to come back, right Dylan?”

“Yup. I bet he wants Peacan Pie as well.”

I chuckled, those two really thought alike.

“Do you remember where I put those fairy lights?”

I asked, walking up to the couch.

“Mooom! It’s in the best part! Come on!”

“Sorry, sorry!”

I laughed once again as I started looking for the fairy lights inside the cupboard.

* * *
Ding, Dong

“Hmm?”

I placed the fairy lights down. Giving the sleeping Dylan a quick glance I walked up to the door in a hurry. One more ring and the boy would be up, that was for sure. I didn’t want that, he had been up a bit late last night when we were watching ‘Howl’s Moving Castle’.

I peeked into the peep hole and though the face was slightly warped and it had been around the time I found out I was pregnant with Dylan (around ten and a half years ago) that I had last seen her without huge amounts of makeup on a magazine spread or portraying a completely stunning character on the screen, I still recognized her ‘plain’ old self. I opened up the door, unable to hold back my expression of utter shock of finding her on our doorstep.

“Good afternoon, Vera. Long time no see.”

I greeted her. She smiled a huge smile, not the half-assed one she had given me the last time I had seen her face to face.

“Hey, Lexie.”

Her voice was so purely cheerful, so upbeat and most of all: so natural. It wasn’t the fake voice I heard on the phone, the one who was trying so hard to sound cool that she ended up resembling a talking snow man. She was warm, she was happy.

“Come on in. I think this must be our christmas miracle.”

“I brought Dylan a book.”

She said as she stepped in, cleaning the snow off her shoes in the welcoming carpet. I took her coat from her and placed it besides mine on the hook my the door. She followed me to the kitchen where I poured her coffee.

“Yeah? That’s nice of you.”

“It’s a fairy tale. About a miracle city in which, if you reach it, your wish will come true.”

She extracted the book from her over-sized bag and placed it on the table top. The golden lettering read ‘Excelsior’, and a beautiful golden city in between firs glowed in the cover. I passed a hand over it, mesmerized.

“It’s beautiful. Thank you. I’m sure he’ll love it.”

“Mom?”

I looked up to Dylan standing by where the kitchen door would’ve been, his eyes heavy with sleep. He looked at Vera and then, in a swift way, walked over to me, his hand on mine.

“Good afternoon.”

He told her, clutching my fingers.

“Sweetie, this is your-“

“I’m your Aunt Vera, Dylan. I’m sorry I haven’t been around much but that’s about to change.”

She told him reassuringly, taking the book from the table and handing it to him. He looked up at me questioningly and I nodded.

“Go ahead. Today will be our first complete Christmas family dinner.”

Excelsior looks so wonderful from here. I wonder what the golden hue around it really is. Maybe it’s the energy of dreams, of wishes. They say whoever gets to Excelsior will get their wish granted, is that really true? I’d like to believe that…just as I’d like to believe in true love or complete happiness. If I could go to Excelsior, and if it really did make your wish come true, what would I wish for?