Blue Fingers

My mom was always a sucker for Toy Story. She used to tell me when I was younger ‘I love you to infinity-‘ and I will respond ‘and beyond’.
Parents say they’ll love their children forever, regarless what happens.
Do you believe this?

Air.

I gasped for air.
It was as if a pair of strong hands had wrapped around my throat, it was if both thumbs where being pressed strongly against the front of my neck, I could feel the burn of the rest of the fingers circling it. But they didn’t aim to kill, they aimed to make me feel as if I was about to die only to let me relive the pain over and over again.

I inhaled faster than I exhaled, the carbon dioxide building up in my body. My head started to feel like it would explode….everything hurt so much. I tried to steady my breathing, but it was impossible. It started escalating, making me dizzier and dizzier. I pressed a hand against the window, trying to get its coldness to make me regain control, but it didn’t.

I didn’t even realize when the car stopped.

I didn’t feel him move: everything was so blurry, so painful.

And then his mouth was on mine, his fingers pressed my nostrils shut, and he kissed me.

It was not a passionate kiss, I didn’t even enjoy it. It wouldn’t quialify as a kiss if his lips hadn’t been on mine. He just gave me air. He breathed in slow, steady breaths, filling my lungs with air and making my body breathe like his. For a minute we were breathing the same air, and for a few twenty seconds we had been one and the same, a pair of individuals functioning as one, a massive two-headed human.

And he let go.

I watched from the corner of my eye as he whiped his mouth with the back of his wrist and accomodated in his seat as if nothing had happened. I took a deep breathe and let it out slowly as the car started back up. I couldn’t turn around and mumble a ‘thank you’, I could barely control myself from starting to hyperventilate again.

I kept my mind black until the familiar building came into view: the tall, pale yellow walls contrasting with the small white houses around it.

“It’s the building in the corner.”

I replied in a monotone, my eyes not leaving the building. I swear I never been so happy of seeing that old structure, it had never looked to welcoming, it had never looked so safe and so like home until that vey moment. He parked swiftly on the entrance. I removed the seat belt, using this chance to steal a glance at Ethan, whose eyes were still looking ahead. I shrugged as I threw my backpack over my shoulder and opened the car’s door. I shuffled out of the vehicle and kept my hand on the handle. As I had expected he instantly reached for the door to close it himself.

“Thank you.”

I said in what I expected was a meaningful tone. He glanced up at me, which I wasn’t expecting, and then at my hand that was still in the car’s door handle.
Of course, he was only looking at me to let go of the damned door. I unwrapped my fingers from it and took a few steps backward, almost stumbling with a passerby. By the time I turned around to give the car and his driver one last look it was already gone.

I turned on my heels and pushed the metal door open. I hopped up the two steps and smiled at David, one of the gay haidressers at the hair salon that occupied one of the six premises of my building. I walked towards the main door and pushed the cristal door open. Skipping up the four steps I saluted the porter and then walked up another flight of stairs towards the elevator. The red doors finally opened and I entered it, collapsing on the floor.

How I ended up in my bed, I didn’t know. I could’ve just walked on autopilot from the elevator’s door to my bedroom. What I do know is that when I woke up it was three am.

The sheets were heavy around my body, I pushed them away only to notice I was only wearing my underwear. I blushed to myself as I rushed to my closet and pulled an oversized shirt over my petite and thin frame. I noticed the door had been open this whole time. What if my stepfather had come in and watched me naked? My blush deepened as I rushed for the door and quickly closed it.

I pressed my back against my door, and looked around the room to see the shadow of what I suspected was my uniform thrown on the floor. I flopped myself in bed, pushing my knees closer to support my chin. I extended my fingers in front of my face, staring at one in particular.

The pinky.

I swear that motherfucker was laughing at me. If fingers could have a face, my pinky would have an annoying expression on and he would always, and I mean always, be laughing at me.

I pressed my left index and thumb against the red thread, pulling as hard as I could.

It didn’t budge.

I inserted my pinky in my mouth, using my small teeth to bit the thread but of course, I bit air.

I groaned in frustration and let my body fall, instantly going into fetal position.

How could that robot be my other half?

Wasn’t there someone else left? I could even take a sarcastic rapist jerk over him, at least that one could feel much more than Ethan could.

But he did kiss me.

He gave me air, he didn’t let me suffocate.

Such a minor, yet such an important detail…

Have I mentioned I like simple things?

I shook my head vigorously. No! I hate that kind of people! They think they’re too cool, they think they’re above you. He probably did that just because Vera would give him a hard time if I died in his car. Yes, that’s what it is.

Plus, the word ‘simple’ is deffinitely not the one adjective I would use to describe Ethan…