Status: Hiatus until further notice.
Sleeping Sickness
Day old hate.
So let's face it. This was never what you wanted.
I was in the downstairs bathroom, staring at my reflection- something I hated doing now more than ever. Back when everything was still perfect between Brian and me things like that didn't bother me. Seeing my reflection now made me want to vomit, it made me want to cry and throw myself into oncoming traffic. I was too much of a pansy to do anything like that, I was too much of a wimp to try and take my own life. Some people would call that heroic; I call it a failure.
Sighing, I opened the bathroom door and made my way back towards the general area of the house, to the living room. I took a quick glance at the people who were in the room and looked away. I couldn't bear to look at my friends; in fact, I hated nothing more than to look at them, especially Nicole. She had been my best-friend since elementary school, almost like a sister to me. I hated to look at her and have to lie straight into her honest and caring eyes and then hope she wouldn't read right through my facade.
"Babe, what're you doing?" I looked over to the couch and saw Brian, my boyfriend of six years and fiancé of two, sitting on the couch, calling me over. I looked at the ground and bit my lip, frowning.
"I was just going to grab a drink," I paused, "do you want anything?" He smiled, shook his head and then blew me a kiss. I faintly smiled back and made my way to the kitchen, even though I didn't want anything at all. I just needed to be away from him, from all of them. I wasn't sure how much longer I could keep everything locked up inside of me. I felt like a ticking time bomb more now than I ever have before and that honestly scared the hell out of me.
"Hey," I heard a soft voice from behind me. I turned around from just staring at the fridge door and noticed Nicole standing a few feet behind me, her hands shoved into her pockets, a habit she does when she's nervous. "Is um, is everything okay sweetie?" We stared into each other's eyes for a few moments, both trying to read one another until I finally nodded my head. She didn't seem completely satisfied but decided not to push anything further, "we're going to leave now okay? If you need anything just call, Zacky or I will be here in a second."
I nodded my head. Something I had always been positive of was that, Nicole and Zacky were always there for me. Of course, I hadn't ever needed to call them since we were back in high school almost 8 years ago. But to have that kind of reassurance meant a lot to me and I was always grateful to have friends like that. Nicole was a lucky girl to have a man in her life that cared about her as much as Zack did. She had been my best-friend since elementary school, she had been to hell and back and for her to have someone love her as much as Zack did, it really made me think that all she went through was worth it now.
I on the other hand, no one ever deserved the hell I've been living in for the past year. But of course the only people who knew what I was going through were myself and Brian, and we were trying our hardest to keep it that way, but I could feel all the walls I had built up starting to shake around me. I wasn't sure how much longer I could hold them up, because lying to my friends hurt more than the last two years did, and if that didn't kill me, lying to them for much longer will.
I was in the downstairs bathroom, staring at my reflection- something I hated doing now more than ever. Back when everything was still perfect between Brian and me things like that didn't bother me. Seeing my reflection now made me want to vomit, it made me want to cry and throw myself into oncoming traffic. I was too much of a pansy to do anything like that, I was too much of a wimp to try and take my own life. Some people would call that heroic; I call it a failure.
Sighing, I opened the bathroom door and made my way back towards the general area of the house, to the living room. I took a quick glance at the people who were in the room and looked away. I couldn't bear to look at my friends; in fact, I hated nothing more than to look at them, especially Nicole. She had been my best-friend since elementary school, almost like a sister to me. I hated to look at her and have to lie straight into her honest and caring eyes and then hope she wouldn't read right through my facade.
"Babe, what're you doing?" I looked over to the couch and saw Brian, my boyfriend of six years and fiancé of two, sitting on the couch, calling me over. I looked at the ground and bit my lip, frowning.
"I was just going to grab a drink," I paused, "do you want anything?" He smiled, shook his head and then blew me a kiss. I faintly smiled back and made my way to the kitchen, even though I didn't want anything at all. I just needed to be away from him, from all of them. I wasn't sure how much longer I could keep everything locked up inside of me. I felt like a ticking time bomb more now than I ever have before and that honestly scared the hell out of me.
"Hey," I heard a soft voice from behind me. I turned around from just staring at the fridge door and noticed Nicole standing a few feet behind me, her hands shoved into her pockets, a habit she does when she's nervous. "Is um, is everything okay sweetie?" We stared into each other's eyes for a few moments, both trying to read one another until I finally nodded my head. She didn't seem completely satisfied but decided not to push anything further, "we're going to leave now okay? If you need anything just call, Zacky or I will be here in a second."
I nodded my head. Something I had always been positive of was that, Nicole and Zacky were always there for me. Of course, I hadn't ever needed to call them since we were back in high school almost 8 years ago. But to have that kind of reassurance meant a lot to me and I was always grateful to have friends like that. Nicole was a lucky girl to have a man in her life that cared about her as much as Zack did. She had been my best-friend since elementary school, she had been to hell and back and for her to have someone love her as much as Zack did, it really made me think that all she went through was worth it now.
I on the other hand, no one ever deserved the hell I've been living in for the past year. But of course the only people who knew what I was going through were myself and Brian, and we were trying our hardest to keep it that way, but I could feel all the walls I had built up starting to shake around me. I wasn't sure how much longer I could hold them up, because lying to my friends hurt more than the last two years did, and if that didn't kill me, lying to them for much longer will.