Leprechauns, Hedgehogs and Semicircles...Have Absolutely Nothing To Do With This Story

Douglas made his way down the street to the small take away food shop he and Albert ate at every Thursday night after UFO watching.

As he entered a large balding man behind the counter smiled at him.

“Evening, Doug,” he said, “The usual, then?”

“Greetings, George. And yes. Burger and chips will do nicely.”

Douglas took a seat at a table in the corner of the shop, resting his telescope equipment against the chair opposite him.

“Where’s Albert tonight?” George asked, flipping a hamburger patty on the grill.

“He has a girlfriend to attend to,” he laughed, “Forgot he had a date with her tonight, you see. Poor guy, I hope she’s not too harsh on him this time.”

“He’s late often then, is he?”

“I think I’ll buy him another watch for Christmas…”

George finished cooking the hamburger patty and flipped it onto a bun. He put the rest of the toppings on and put it on a plate with some chips.

“There you go, Doug.”

“Thanks, mate.” Douglas said, getting his plate from the counter before sitting back down at the table to eat his meal.

***

Albert’s eyes widened at the sight of who he saw sitting in Kayla’s lounge room, watching the television.

“Doug?!” he exclaimed.

Douglas laughed manically, rocking in the armchair he was sitting in. He took a swig from a wine bottle sitting on the table next to him.

“How did you get here?” Albert asked slowly, standing between Douglas and the television.

“With my legs, my friend! With my legs!”

“No, how did you get here before me?”

“What do you mean? What do you mean?” Douglas grinned and leant over, attempting to watch the television that Albert was standing in the way of.

“I mean,” Albert started, then, on seeing that Douglas wasn’t paying attention anymore, grabbed the remote and turned off the television, “I mean that I left you in the park outside my place 20 minutes ago. There is no way you could have gotten here before me.”

“I work in mysterious ways, my friend. I work in mysterious ways.”

“What mysterious ways, Doug?” he stopped and shook his head, “No. No. I don’t even care. You’ve very obviously drunk…”

“Here, here!” Douglas raised the wine bottle and took a swig.

“Which confuses me,” Albert scratched his head, “I mean, even if your ‘mysterious ways’ did somehow, under some magnificent grace of God or Bob or whatever it is you’re believing in nowadays, manage to get you here before me, it still does not give you enough time to have gotten drunk!”

“Albie,” Kayla cut in quietly, “Douglas has been here for hours. Since he got home from work…”

“What?”

“He’s been here since half six. Are you sure it’s not you who’s been drinking?”

“What?!” he exclaimed in disbelief. Why were the tables turning onto him all of a sudden? “No! I just don’t understand –"

“I think you should go home, Albie. Get some sleep…” she stood next to the door, encouraging him to leave.

“No, Kayla…”

“Call me tomorrow when you’re feeling…better.”

“I’m feeling fine,” he said, Kayla hustling him to the front door, “What about Doug?”

“I’ll get his sister to collect him. Now please, go home and get some sleep.”

They were at the front door of her flat now; Albert standing outside, Kayla standing inside. Albert sighed, looking at Kayla pathetically.

“I want to believe you were at the park with Douglas. But he was here, with me. Look, just tell me if you forgot about tonight. Don’t lie and say you were with Doug. I don’t care if you fell asleep on your lounge after work and forgot about coming here. Just don’t lie to me.”

“I’m not lying. I just…” he looked down sadly.

“Come here.” She said, holding out her arms for a hug.

He hugged her tightly, resting his head on her shoulder. “I just don’t know what’s going on.” He mumbled.

“Call me tomorrow.” She pulled away, nodding.

He looked at her sadly.

Kayla leant up and kissed him, before saying a soft goodbye and closing the door, leaving Albert standing outside pathetically.

He shuffled down the hallway, hoping, praying to God or Bob or whatever it was that he believed in nowadays, that Laura wasn’t lurking around the corner, ready to pop out and engage him into yet another enthralling conversation.

***

Albert arrived in the foyer of his flat block twenty minutes after Kayla had told him to go home and get some sleep. He was feeling terrible, and had no idea what was going on in regards to Douglas being in two places at once.

Maybe Kayla was right. Maybe he had just fallen asleep on the lounge and had only dreamed about UFO watching with Douglas. But then, it had seemed too real. And he certainly didn’t remember waking up in his house and heading off to Kayla’s. He remembered Douglas cutting his finger which for some reason or another then reminded him he was supposed to be dining with Kayla tonight.

The elevator in the foyer pinged and opened its doors. Albert hopped on, head down watching the floor, and pressed the button for the fifth floor. He leant against the back wall of the elevator and closed his eyes, opening them again just before the elevator had arrived at his stop.

Somebody chuckled. He glanced to his left where the sound had come from. A blonde haired teenage boy was standing in the corner to the left of Albert.

That’s strange. Albert was sure the elevator was empty when he had got on it. And it definitely hadn’t stopped on any other floors. He probably hadn’t been paying attention when he got on, he thought. That was probably it. His mind had probably been elsewhere.

The boy stared at Albert and chuckled again as the elevator doors opened. The chuckle sounded very familiar, like he’d heard it before just recently.

Albert looked away from the boy nervously and rushed out of the elevator, tripping slightly over his feet. Gathering himself together he hurried over to his front door, letting himself inside.

Albert’s flat was messy. But it was a type of coordinated messy in that Albert knew exactly where everything was located…most of the time.

He walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge. He needed something that was going to make him ‘forget’ temporarily, the events that had happened that night.

***

It was around eight o’clock on Friday morning. Birds chirped. Cars drove by. Sunlight poured in through uncurtained windows. Albert’s cat, Bruno, twitched in his sleep. And the television in Albert’s flat droned on, informing it’s watchers of the latest news, and, for those who were too lazy to stick their head out of a window, the weather. Not that anybody in Albert’s flat was actually watching the television, of course.

Sprawled out asleep on the lounge in front of the said television lay Albert, a man who indeed was too lazy to stick his head out of a window. He was lying on his stomach; Bruno curled up in a ball on the small of his back.

“The weather today: sunny with a slight chance of rain later on tonight.”

Albert jolted awake. He let out an annoyed groan as Bruno dug his claws into his back. Rolling over, he caused Bruno to leap onto the coffee table giving off an annoyed meow. Albert lay there for a few seconds, blinking as his eyes adjusted to the sunlight that now poured over his face, as opposed to the back of his head.

Groggily sitting up, he swung his legs off the lounge and sat holding his head in his hands. What had happened last night? Why had he woken up on his lounge instead of on his bed? And why was the floor covered in various soft drink bottles?

Then he remembered - Kayla’s flat, Douglas being there when he couldn’t have been there, Kayla telling him to go home. And then him attempting to drown his sorrow with the only thing he could find in his refrigerator - carbonated beverages. But the caffeine and sugar induced high had only lasted so long before he had crashed on the lounge and had fallen asleep while watching early morning television.

He glanced at his watch. Seven past eight. Just about the time he was supposed to be leaving in his car to pop around to Kayla’s place for a quick hello, pick Douglas up and then drive to work with ten minutes to spare which was just the amount of time he would need to negotiate with the coffee machine at work in order to get it to take notes instead of change. Or change instead of notes - whichever he happened to be using on that particular day.

He sighed and stared blankly at the television for a few seconds. Screw Doug, he thought. Doug can make his own way to work today. Of course, today was Friday, and Douglas did make his own way to work on Fridays now. Blast. He’d have to think of a different way to show his anger towards him.

He made his way to the bathroom, narrowly avoiding being tripped over by Bruno, who had flung himself in front of Albert as soon as he had stood up, before racing into the kitchen for breakfast. Albert instinctively fumbled in his still half asleep daze to switch on the light in the bathroom, despite the sunlight that was streaming through the window.

Albert’s bathroom was white. White walls, white tiles, white bath, white shower, white toilet, white socks on Albert’s feet, pale white face reflecting in Albert’s mirror, lime green sink. He had no idea why the sink was lime green, thus failing utterly to match the colour scheme of the rest of the bathroom, but he liked it that way.

Albert quickly checked that there was a towel on the rack before he undressed. He then showered. He shaved. He redressed, in clean clothes of course, before making his way to the kitchen to feed Bruno who was now circling around Albert’s feet waiting to be fed.

Just as Albert grabbed the box of dry cat food the phone rang. He rushed over to answer it, tripping over Bruno in the process. While falling he made a successful grab for the phone. However, the cat food box went flying, spilling dry cat food everywhere.

Albert landed with a thud, sprawled out on the kitchen floor. Ouch, he thought, holding the phone up to his ear.

“Yeah?” Albert grumbled into it.

“Don’t answer the phone like that, Albie dear. It’s not polite.”

Albert groaned, “Oh, hi, Mum…”

“Good morning, darling. I rang you last night but you must have been out.”

“Yeah, I was at the park and at Kayla’s…briefly…”

“Oh!” his mother replied brightly, “Speaking of Kayla, I’ve been thinking, dear. You’re nearly thirty you know –"

“In eight months –"

“Don’t you think it’s about time you starting thinking of settling down, starting a family? You are getting older, dear –"

“Mum…”

“And yes, I know you have Eliot, but don’t you think she’d like a brother or sister? She’s growing up fast, Albie, and you don’t want to leave too much of an age gap.”

“Mother, she’s only six years old –"

“You really don’t spend about time with her, you know. One weekend a month isn’t nearly enough. You need to take more responsibility. You’re both growing up and you need more bonding time together. Maybe you can talk to Samantha about moving up here…”

Around six years ago Albert was young, slightly idiotic, and had just graduated from University. During his University life he had never been invited to that many parties, or, if he had been invited to parties, he instead chose to stay at home and bathe in the glowing light emitted from his computer monitor.

Douglas, on the other hand, was often invited and very often attended parties, much to the confusion of Albert. Throughout high school Douglas was the type of person who usually avoided social contact where possible. So his sudden desire for social contact in University was new to Albert. And he didn’t like it. Well, it wasn’t so much that he didn't like it, it was more of the fact that Douglas insisted every time that Albert come along even though he knew Albert would refuse. It drove him up the wall.

Douglas did, however, convince Albert to attend their big University graduation party. Albert grudgingly went along, expecting to have a horrible time. Of course, once at the party, the many alcoholic beverages forced upon him soon changed his mind about having a horrible time. His mind decided that it would in fact, like to have a good time, especially with the very pretty girl named Sam that his mouth had been chatting away to for most of the night.

He woke the next morning with quite a large headache, quite a large hangover, and with a small piece of paper next to him from Sam saying that she would call him sometime; which was good, he thought, considering he had forgotten to find out her telephone number during the nights proceedings.

He received that call around a month later, informing him of an unexpected surprise. Their daughter arrived eight months later; Sam and Albert deciding to name her Eliot.

Eliot Tyler now resided with her mother and step father, approximately seven hundred kilometres away from Albert in a city called Melbourne.

“Mum, Sam won’t listen. She has a good job down there. She’s not going to leave that.”

“Yes, well,” his mother paused, “About Kayla, dear, please tell me you’ve been thinking about your future?”

“I don’t think Kayla would say yes right now anyway, Mum…”

“Were you late again? What have I told you? You need to be more responsible. Do you think she’s going to stick around if you don’t make time for her?”

“Mum, just…just stop. I have to go to work.” He quickly turned off the receiver. She wouldn’t be too offended he thought. And anyway, he could deal with that later. Right now, he had to get to work.

He managed to stand up, dry cat food scattered all over the kitchen floor with Bruno happily munching away at it. He hung the phone receiver on its charger and fumbled to get his sneakers on. He glanced at the time. Eight forty-two. He was late.

Grabbing his coat and backpack from the lounge he rushed out the front door, quickly locking it, and hurried over to the elevator.

While waiting he noticed the blonde haired teenager from last night standing in the hallway. He was staring at Albert and smiling, trying to suppress a laugh. Albert looked at him confused, but he was in too much of a rush to give it much thought.

He jumped into the elevator as the doors opened and pressed the ground floor button. By the time he got to work he had forgotten all about the blonde haired boy in the hallway.