The Biggest Fan
Do It For Me?
The warm summer wind was blowing in my face as I was sitting on the heated up asphalt, inhaling some of the smoke that was coming out of Bert’s cigarette.
“Let’s go inside, the show’s about to start”, he began, getting up from the ground.
“Yeah”, I said. “The others have already plugged in, so they’re all set”.
“Oh, that’s rad. And just so you know, we’re having this meet & greet after the gig, so we’ll be gone for about a half an hour or so. I’ll be sure you’ll be taken care of then, okay?”
“Sure that’s fine”, I responded, reacting to the phrase ‘be taken care of’.
As we came inside the backstage area, we went in different directions; Bert to the small room between the backstage and the stage, while I went to sit on the floor at the rear end.
I could hear he had reached the small room when the crowd started screaming.
They had probably spotted him from where they were standing.
While I was waiting for the guys to start playing, I kept thinking of the meet & greet thing Bert had just mentioned.
Who were the lucky ones that were going to meet The Used?
At that point, I felt jealous. Strangely enough. Then I laughed it off. I mean, what was I suppose to be jealous of?
I was after all touring with them, so to be jealous just didn’t make any sense.
All these thoughts went away as I heard Jepha’s bass filling the entire arena, along with Quinn’s guitar and Dan’s rhythmic beats.
The screams from the audience were massive and it made my ears ring.
Bert came onstage shortly after and had the entire crowd in his hands with his vocals.
His voice was different tonight, almost as if it was sore.
It didn’t matter at all, the crowd loved it and so did I.
After about 80 minutes through the show, the guys stopped playing and Bert started talking.
I listened carefully and leaned forward to the backstage curtains he began.
“Okay, as most of you probably already noticed, we’ve been playing a lot of our soft songs tonight. And the reason is that a lot of things have happened lately, things that have reminded me of my past. So therefore, it felt right to make the decision of playing these songs that we’ve played so far”.
The crowd clearly didn’t mind this at all as they were cheering for a new song to hear.
“To end this awesome night, we’re gonna play a song that holds a very special place in our hearts. The song’s called ‘Blue and Yellow’! Goodnight!”.
As Bert started singing, the light in the arena dimmed and people began waving their lighters, cell phones and light sticks in the air.
It was magical seeing all those people completely evolved in the song.
I had to admit, it gave me tears in my eyes as I sang every word Bert and the rest of the crowd sang.
At that point, we were equal; The Used, me and the crowd.
At the end of the song, I could’ve swore I heard Bert whimper, almost as if he was about to cry as he left the stage.
Quinn, Jepha and Dan all took their guitar and bass picks along with two of the drum sticks they had been using during the show and threw them out to the crowd, where they were torn in different pieces by the crowd’s greedy hands.
As I saw Bert heading outside, I couldn’t do anything but follow after him.
He was clearly not doing well by the look on his face and how he stormed out.
“Hey”, I said in a gently voice, closing the door behind me.
He didn’t respond. He just sat there kneeling as he buried his head between his knees while looking at the ground.
“Are you okay? I saw you out there on stage…”, I then said, still using the same gentle voice.
I sat down next to him, putting my hand on his back. I knew he was crying as I slowly took him in my arms.
Even though I was never good at comforting people, I knew that this was a time where I needed to get my act together and support Bert.
I understood that this time, he needed it more than anything right now.
So we just sat there, not saying a word. We didn’t have to. He knew. I knew. That was all that mattered there and then.
“Hey…”, I said once again, now putting my hands on his cheeks, looking into his crystal blue eyes.
I had never seen them any brighter than how they were now.
“I know how you feel. I know how things must be now. And I’m sorry I can’t make the pain go away. I swear on my life, if I could, I would. But I can’t and I’m so sorry for that”.
At that point, the tears stopped running down Bert’s cheeks.
He took his arms, wrapped them around me and pushed his body against mine, leaning his head on my right shoulder.
His hair tickled my ear as he rubbed his cheeks against it.
We held that position for a long time and to be honest, it felt like the most natural thing to do there and then.
“Are you okay now”, I asked, holding both of my hands on his shoulders.
“Yeah”, he responded looking down on the ground.
“We should go inside now. There are a lot of people, at least I think so, from the meet & greet group that are very anxious to meet you guys”, I said, trying to encourage him.
“Nah, that’s the least thing I feel like doing right now”.
The indifference in Bert’s voice blew me away.
“What do you mean?”
“I’m just not up for it”.
“But you gotta! There are people in the counting on you to show up. They are your fans, Bert!”
The slightly panicked tone I my own voice was actually irritating me.
“I don’t see the point. Quinn, Dan n’ Jeph will manage just fine without me”, Bert responded, still looking down on the ground.
“But they aren’t The Used without you. You’re Bert McCracken, the vocalist! Think of all the people that would be disappointed if they realized you weren’t coming. Come on, Bert, if you’re not gonna do it for them, then at least do it for me?”
I was practically begging him now.
“Okay”, he said looking straight at me. “But on one condition”.
“What? I’ll do anything”.
“If you’ll be there too”.
I dwelled on it for a while, but realized that I had to say yes, or else he wouldn’t even show up.
“Okay, I’ll do it. But I’ll be in the back, okay?”, I finally answered hesitating.
For a second there, I regretted what I had just said as I felt my stomach turning upside down.
“Let’s go inside, the show’s about to start”, he began, getting up from the ground.
“Yeah”, I said. “The others have already plugged in, so they’re all set”.
“Oh, that’s rad. And just so you know, we’re having this meet & greet after the gig, so we’ll be gone for about a half an hour or so. I’ll be sure you’ll be taken care of then, okay?”
“Sure that’s fine”, I responded, reacting to the phrase ‘be taken care of’.
As we came inside the backstage area, we went in different directions; Bert to the small room between the backstage and the stage, while I went to sit on the floor at the rear end.
I could hear he had reached the small room when the crowd started screaming.
They had probably spotted him from where they were standing.
While I was waiting for the guys to start playing, I kept thinking of the meet & greet thing Bert had just mentioned.
Who were the lucky ones that were going to meet The Used?
At that point, I felt jealous. Strangely enough. Then I laughed it off. I mean, what was I suppose to be jealous of?
I was after all touring with them, so to be jealous just didn’t make any sense.
All these thoughts went away as I heard Jepha’s bass filling the entire arena, along with Quinn’s guitar and Dan’s rhythmic beats.
The screams from the audience were massive and it made my ears ring.
Bert came onstage shortly after and had the entire crowd in his hands with his vocals.
His voice was different tonight, almost as if it was sore.
It didn’t matter at all, the crowd loved it and so did I.
After about 80 minutes through the show, the guys stopped playing and Bert started talking.
I listened carefully and leaned forward to the backstage curtains he began.
“Okay, as most of you probably already noticed, we’ve been playing a lot of our soft songs tonight. And the reason is that a lot of things have happened lately, things that have reminded me of my past. So therefore, it felt right to make the decision of playing these songs that we’ve played so far”.
The crowd clearly didn’t mind this at all as they were cheering for a new song to hear.
“To end this awesome night, we’re gonna play a song that holds a very special place in our hearts. The song’s called ‘Blue and Yellow’! Goodnight!”.
As Bert started singing, the light in the arena dimmed and people began waving their lighters, cell phones and light sticks in the air.
It was magical seeing all those people completely evolved in the song.
I had to admit, it gave me tears in my eyes as I sang every word Bert and the rest of the crowd sang.
At that point, we were equal; The Used, me and the crowd.
At the end of the song, I could’ve swore I heard Bert whimper, almost as if he was about to cry as he left the stage.
Quinn, Jepha and Dan all took their guitar and bass picks along with two of the drum sticks they had been using during the show and threw them out to the crowd, where they were torn in different pieces by the crowd’s greedy hands.
As I saw Bert heading outside, I couldn’t do anything but follow after him.
He was clearly not doing well by the look on his face and how he stormed out.
“Hey”, I said in a gently voice, closing the door behind me.
He didn’t respond. He just sat there kneeling as he buried his head between his knees while looking at the ground.
“Are you okay? I saw you out there on stage…”, I then said, still using the same gentle voice.
I sat down next to him, putting my hand on his back. I knew he was crying as I slowly took him in my arms.
Even though I was never good at comforting people, I knew that this was a time where I needed to get my act together and support Bert.
I understood that this time, he needed it more than anything right now.
So we just sat there, not saying a word. We didn’t have to. He knew. I knew. That was all that mattered there and then.
“Hey…”, I said once again, now putting my hands on his cheeks, looking into his crystal blue eyes.
I had never seen them any brighter than how they were now.
“I know how you feel. I know how things must be now. And I’m sorry I can’t make the pain go away. I swear on my life, if I could, I would. But I can’t and I’m so sorry for that”.
At that point, the tears stopped running down Bert’s cheeks.
He took his arms, wrapped them around me and pushed his body against mine, leaning his head on my right shoulder.
His hair tickled my ear as he rubbed his cheeks against it.
We held that position for a long time and to be honest, it felt like the most natural thing to do there and then.
“Are you okay now”, I asked, holding both of my hands on his shoulders.
“Yeah”, he responded looking down on the ground.
“We should go inside now. There are a lot of people, at least I think so, from the meet & greet group that are very anxious to meet you guys”, I said, trying to encourage him.
“Nah, that’s the least thing I feel like doing right now”.
The indifference in Bert’s voice blew me away.
“What do you mean?”
“I’m just not up for it”.
“But you gotta! There are people in the counting on you to show up. They are your fans, Bert!”
The slightly panicked tone I my own voice was actually irritating me.
“I don’t see the point. Quinn, Dan n’ Jeph will manage just fine without me”, Bert responded, still looking down on the ground.
“But they aren’t The Used without you. You’re Bert McCracken, the vocalist! Think of all the people that would be disappointed if they realized you weren’t coming. Come on, Bert, if you’re not gonna do it for them, then at least do it for me?”
I was practically begging him now.
“Okay”, he said looking straight at me. “But on one condition”.
“What? I’ll do anything”.
“If you’ll be there too”.
I dwelled on it for a while, but realized that I had to say yes, or else he wouldn’t even show up.
“Okay, I’ll do it. But I’ll be in the back, okay?”, I finally answered hesitating.
For a second there, I regretted what I had just said as I felt my stomach turning upside down.
♠ ♠ ♠
man, i hate being occupied by school these days!i'm so sorry for not being able to update as much as i want to, guys.
i hate that as much as you do.
but here you got one; a fresh update! : D
lemme know what you think.
xo,
lina.