Show Me What I'm Looking For

Ali’s point of view

“Alright class, before you pack up your things, don’t forget to hand in your essays on Monday. Have a great weekend,” my English teacher said as I wrote down the assignment in my agenda. It was the last class of the day and I couldn’t be happier to be going home. I finished packing up my bag and left the classroom quickly arriving at my locker moments later. Kennedy was at the locker right beside me, placing some books back in his locker.

“Oh my God, did Mrs. Roberts give your class a 5 page essay for Monday too?” I sighed as I unlocked my locker.

“Yeah, I have no idea when I’m going to find time to do it; we’re practically recording all weekend,” he explained.

“I know. I’m busy all weekend too. I’m babysitting on Saturday and I have a photography class on Sunday. Plus, I somehow have to find time to go dress shopping for prom,” I said, bending over to pick up a book. As I snapped back up, John walked down the hallway. He caught my stare and quickly looked to the ground. I looked back at my book, disappointed.

“You guys still aren’t talking, I guess?” Kennedy commented as he smirked at me.

“Nope,” I shook my head and looked in my locker, avoiding his piercing stare.

“Ali, so you guys are just never going to talk again?” He hesitated before adding, “Don’t you miss him?”

“Since when do you ask personal questions?”

“Just answer the question,” he revoked.

“We haven’t really talked since. I guess we’re on an unannounced break—”

“Do you miss him?” He repeated.

“Yeah Kenny, I do. I really do actually. You know how they say ‘you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone’… Well, that’s exactly how I feel,” I replied. His eyes suddenly stopped smiling and he looked to the ground.

“Well, you guys should straighten things out then. Anyways, look do you want to get some Chinese food tonight? Then we can go look for your dress so you’ll have time to do your essay,” he explained and that smile of his made its way back to his face. Kennedy’s smile just made everything better.

“Sure, that sounds great. Pick me up at 6. I’ve got to catch the bus now, bye Kenny,” I said as I grabbed my bag. He waved goodbye and I walked out into the bright Arizona sun. I tilted my head back and closed my eyes as I felt the sun warm up every part of my body.

The street was deserted. It seemed like everyone had disappeared except one person, John O’Callaghan. He was standing at my bus stop and staring at the ground. I walked up next to him and leaned on the fence, wishing this wasn’t happening. It was an argument in the works.

“What happened to your car?” I asked, trying to break this awkward silence.

“It’s at the garage,” he simply stated, looking the other way.

“Oh well, that’s good. So… How’s your mom?”

“Good. I’m running out of things to tell her when she asks why you don’t come over anymore,” he shot back, running his hand through his hair.

“Then tell her I say hi and that I’ll try to come by soon.”

“Look, I don’t know how many times I’m going to have to apologize to you to make you happy, but the fact is that I miss you, but I’m getting tired of waiting, Ali. Can’t you just get over it?” He explained and then it hit me. He wouldn’t always be here waiting around for me. He wouldn’t wait for me forever and the thought of him leaving created such a void in me.

“I’m not ready yet—”

“Oh come on, fuck! You can’t seriously still be mad about that. It was a stupid diner that didn’t mean anything!”

“I’m not mad about the diner, John! I’m mad about what the diner meant. It didn’t mean anything to you, but it did to me! It’s like you picked her over me and you keep picking her over me every time you see her and we still have all this shit going on!” I burst back at him.

“Do you still not understand that we work together? It’s not like I have a choice. Even if I did, I’d keep seeing her because at least she doesn’t give me shit like you do all the time! I’m sick of hearing you bitch at me,” he replied and his words hit me like bricks. I was devastated.

“Do you mean that?” I said as I turned my back and walked away.

“No, wait Ali—”

“Fuck you John, I’ll walk. I don’t think the bus is big enough for me, you and your ego.” I then crossed the street and headed home. My life was going down hill with all that was happening, yet as much as I hated him right now, I couldn’t bring myself to deny how much I really did love him and how much I cared for him. Once I got home, I quickly ran up to my room, undressed and took a shower. I then dried my hair and lay on my bed with my Macbook next to me. Suddenly, my phone started ringing next to me. I quickly grabbed it and flipped it open.

“Hello?”

“Hey sweetie, it’s me,” Anny said.

“Hey—”

“Ali, what’s wrong?” She said, sounding worried.

“What do you mean?”

“Ali, we’ve been best friends since we were both in diapers. I think I know when something isn’t right. Just tell me,” she repeated, clearing her throat.

“Guess.”

“John again?” She knew me too well, sometimes it was scary.

“Yes, I don’t know what to do anymore—”

“Again, hun, it’s been a month. Can’t you just patch things up and start over?” She said, empathetically.

“It’s not that simple! Uh, what’s with everyone today? Don’t you think that if it was easy, that I would have done it already?” I burst out angrily. “Sorry, it’s just that it’s been a long day.”

“It’s alright, you’re frustrated, I get it. Let’s just stop talking about it; you know what you have to do. So, what are you doing tonight?”

“Going out with Kennedy—”

“Ou la la, Kennedy again? 10 bucks says he has a thing for you?” she laughed.

“Oh please, the only thing less probable is that Garrett likes boys,” I retorted, but to be honest, I had been thinking about him.

“Fine, fine. Alright, I’ll call you tomorrow. Bye Ali, have fun tonight.”

“Bye Anny.” I then hung up and rolled off my bed. It was nearly six o’clock, so I decided to walk down and wait by the door.

“Hey sweetie, can you give me a hand with the groceries?” My mother asked, holding 2 large grocery bags.

“Mom, go sit down! You’re not supposed to be lifting anything with the baby,” I yelled as I ran to her car and grabbed the rest of the bags. I brought them all to the kitchen and put started putting some produce away.

“So, what are you doing tonight?” She asked, catching her breath. The morning sickness had stopped, but she was extremely swollen.

“Going out with Kennedy—”

“Not the boyfriend?”

“No mom, not the boyfriend,” I sighed, hoping everyone would stop asking about him. “Where’s dad?” I felt like I hadn’t seen him in days.

“He’s not home, but we’ll talk about that tomorrow—”

“Why tomorrow?”

“Just tomorrow, Ali. Drop it,” she said, confusing me. Finally, the doorbell rang and it was time for me to go. After a half an hour, Kennedy and I pulled up to this delicious Chinese restaurant, my favorite actually. We then walked in and the hostess quickly seated us at an unoccupied table. I had the general Tao chicken and Kennedy had something I couldn’t quite pronounce. The waitress then brought us two fortune cookies along with the bill which Kennedy offered to pay.

“What does yours says?” I asked, eager to crack mine open.

“You first,” he replied. I the opened my fortune cookie and reached in to grab the tiny piece of paper. I didn’t even really like the cookie itself, I just always took the fortune and gave the rest to someone else.

“It says ‘To eat is sex’,” I replied, laughing.

“That’s a good one, keep it,” he smirked back.

‘Alright, it’s your turn. Open it,” I said, smiling.

“No, mine is boring—”

“Just read it.”

“No seriously, we should get going—”

“Kennedy, just read it!” I said once more. He then grabbed the fortune from his hair and smoothed it out.

“It says ‘Smile, all you search for is right in front of you’,” he looked down, awkwardly.

“That one is really cute. You should save that for your future girlfriend someday,” I suggested, trying to break the awkwardness.

“Sure, I’ll keep that in mind. Are you ready to go?”

“Yup, let’s go look for my dress!” I replied and we then left the restaurant.

Kennedy’s point of view

“Come on Ali, it’s really late. We’ll come back tomorrow. Let’s go,” I complained as I waited, sitting on “the husband chair” next to three other guys that looked as tired and fed up as me.

“Alright, one more,” she stated. She had tried on so many dresses from so many stores that I lost count long ago and she looked great in all of them. I wanted her more than anything, but every time I thought about us together, John popped back into my mind and the thought slowly vanished.

“Are you done yet?”

“Yup and I think this is the one!” She squealed in excitement. I felt like we were looking for her wedding dress.

“Okay, show me.” She then stepped out of the cabin and with just one glimpse, my jaw dropped. It was a simple dark blue strapless dress but it was stunning.

“So… What do you think?” She asked as I snapped out of the daze she unknowingly put me in.

“Ali, you look… amazing, seriously. John’s not going to know what hit him,” I stumbled into a sentence.

“You think so?”

“Yes, I really do,” I said, looking at her reflection in the mirror. She smiled and quickly looked away.

“Great! So this is it, I’m going to put it aside and my mom’s going to pick it up for me,” she said, excited. She then changed back into her regular clothes, put her dress aside at the cash and we walked out.

“What now?” She asked.

“I’m really in the mood for breakfast food for some reason,” I replied. She smiled and got into the car.

“So Denny’s?”

“Denny’s,” I repeated, starting up the car and driving away.

John’s point of view

“Oh my God! Let’s go to Pinkberry!” Amber yelled as she spotted the logo from afar.

“Really? There’s going to be a crazy long line-up and no parking as usual—”

“Please John,” she whined in a shrill voice. “Come on, you never take me out or show me off.”

“Amber, you aren’t my girlfriend. You’re going to have to stop saying that. It’s already twice today,” I groaned back. She was such a pain.

“Uh, fine,” she replied, rolling her eyes and falling back into her seat. “But Ali’s not your girlfriend either so why don’t you stop texting her and I’ll stop pretending I don’t see you,” she shouted back.

“It’s not like she’s answering anyways. Why are you being such a pain today?” I bluntly demanded as we drove past Pinkberry and approached her house.

“Why are you so tense?” She replied.

“Because—”

“Oh wait, I know! Could it be because you haven’t gotten laid in two months?” She laughed. In times like these, I really didn’t know why I even talked to her. She’s rude, obnoxious, self-centered and just plain mean, but sometimes she had the ability to make me just… escape everything.

“It’s one month and no, not really.” I then pulled into her driveway and shut the engine.

“Want to come in?” She whispered in my ear. “I’ll get rid of all those tense spots for you.” She then put her hand on my lap and instinctively, I pushed her away.

“I’m not going to have sex with you Amber. Now, it’s late. I have to get home. Goodnight.”

“Why don’t you stop thinking about her and notice that I’m practically throwing myself at you. Get over her John, goodnight,” she rolled her eyes and let herself out of my car. I didn’t even bother waiting to see if she got in alright. I was so pissed off that I drove away as soon as she shut the door. Truth be told, she was probably right, but I refused to believe that it was over because to me, it wasn’t, it couldn’t be, but we were both too hard headed to see it that way.

Once I got home, everyone was asleep, so I just walked to my room and watched TV. As Mythbusters slowly came to an end, my phone started ringing. I sprung up to answer it, hoping and wishing it as her.

“Hello?” I eagerly said.

“It’s not Ali, John,” Kennedy answered, annoyed.

“Sorry man,” I sighed. “We had another fight today.”

“Yeah, I know. She told me earlier.”

“Oh, you saw her?”

“Yeah, we went for supper and then to buy her prom dress,” he explained.

“Oh, how is she?”

“Good. I’m pretty sure she misses you.”

“Yeah, she probably told you that before I insulted her and she told me to fuck off,” I replied.

“I really don’t want to get in between whatever you two have going on John… Anyways I was just calling to remind you that we have an appointment at Fearless tomorrow,” He said.

“Yeah I know. Great, I guess Amber has to be there?” I sighed heavily.

“Don’t you hang out with her?”

“Yeah, but she’s annoying,” I justified myself.

“So stop hanging out with her. Isn’t it obvious?” He laughed.

“It’s complicated—”

“Why is everything always complicated with you? You don’t owe her an explanation, John. Just stop talking to her,” he stated almost angrily.

“Fine, fine! Anyways, I’ve got to go. Bye man,” I responded.

“Bye John,” he replied and hung up. I dialed Ali’s number but couldn’t bring myself to press send. Instead, I texted her goodnight one last time, hoping she would answer, but no such luck. I then shut my light and went to sleep.