Show Me What I'm Looking For

Ali’s point of view

I awoke to the smell of my mother’s famous lasagna cooking in the oven. My favorite. The scent was unmistakable; it reminded me of when I was younger and it was just me and my mom in our apartment across the hall from Anny’s house. Oh how times have changed, I thought to myself as I dragged my blanket down the stairs with me.

“Good morning mommy, good morning baby,” I said as I walked to the fridge and poured myself a glass of orange juice.

“Hi sweetie, how did you sleep?”

“Not all that great, I have a lot on my mind right now,” I replied, suspiciously. She never asked me how I slept. It was usually a ‘go do your bed’ or ‘I hope you’re not going out again today’ that greeted me when I woke up in the morning.

“I am so proud of you honey. You’re my greatest accomplishment,” she said, nearly crying. Something just wasn’t right and that same something was probably the reason why she was making so much food, to make me feel better.

“Alright mom, spill the beans. What’s wrong? Why are you telling me this now?” I asked, annoyed. She sighed, shook her head and looked out the window.

“Your father left.”

“For work?”

“No Alicia, he’s gone. He’s been having an affair for five months now and things got serious and he left with her. Don’t you see; the business trips, the coming home late, it was all a lie. He’s gone—”

“How long have you known about this?” I spat back, slamming the fridge door in the process.

“About two weeks. He left a note two weeks ago—”

“And you didn’t tell me? Don’t you think it’s something I should know about?” I yelled. Truth of the matter was that it didn’t really surprise me. I never really thought that they were meant for each other. When my mom was 19, she got pregnant with me and my dad married her, out of pity maybe. I guess ultimately, we weren’t enough for him and he divorced my mom when I was two. Since then, I hadn’t seen him much. The monthly alimony check was the only thing that kept us in contact for years, until we moved here. I wasn’t even mad that he was gone really; it was bound to happen sooner or later. He’s always had a talent for disappointing me and I never expected him to be much of a dad to me. He’s always had other plans.

“I didn’t want to tell you until arrangements were made. Plus you were having a hard time with your private life—”

“What arrangements?” I shouted.

“The house is sold. We are moving back home with grandma until we can buy a house and everything will go back to normal and this whole year and my stupid idea of moving us here will be erased,” she explained and I knew she was trying to do the right thing for all of us, but I couldn’t leave especially no the way things were right now.

“I can’t just pick up and leave right now mom, I built something here. I made friends and then there’s John and— Uhh, I can’t believe this,” I explained, crying now.

“My decision is final Ali. I’m doing what’s best for you and the baby—”

“How are you going to raise this baby alone? Why don’t you think this ov—”

“I raised you alone didn’t I? And I think I did a pretty good job too!” She yelled and she was right. She sacrificed so much for me. After a long silence, she slowly got up and checked on the oven.

“So I guess we are leaving and there’s nothing I can say,” I replied, wiping away a single tear.

“I’m sorry for putting you through this. I promise you that it’s for the best,” she said as she sat beside me and rubbed my back like she used too when I was little.

“I know mom, I know. I just can’t believe this is happening. It’s all so messed up. So, when?”

“When what?”

“When are we leaving?” I asked, hoping I could at least finish my senior year and graduate.

“The day after your prom; I wanted you at least to finish your year here,” she smiled, giving me a kiss on the forehead.

“I guess it’s for the best then.”

“Thanks for understanding Ali,” she smiled and I couldn’t believe how strong she was being under the circumstances. I was lucky to have her.

After we had lunch, I decided to go to the studio were everyone was hanging out. I had to straighten things out with John once and for all. Prom was in a month. I was leaving in a month. We had to break up or make up and right now, it was pointing towards the first choice. I quickly pulled into the parking lot, hopped out and walked inside. Everyone, including fabulous Amber, was here already, but John was nowhere to be found.

“Guys, where’s John?” I asked. Just as Garrett was about to answer, Amber sprung up and stormed towards me, pulling me aside to talk.

“What the fuck do you want again? Haven’t you done enough?” I yelled as everyone watched.

“Girl fight! Take your shirts off!” Pat yelled out, joking. I was in no mood for his humor.

“Shut up Patrick!” Amber and I yelled in unison.

“Who are you to tell him to shut up? He’s not your friend, he’s mine!” I snapped back at her. “Anyways, what the hell do you want from me?”

“Don’t you remember what I told you?”

“I guess not, what did you tell me? Can your brain remember that far back? Don’t hurt yourself,” I smirked.

“Ha ha, very funny; I told you to stop talking to John or I would get them fired from the label and they would stop recording the full length,” she smiled, rather proud of herself, but I saw right through her.

“Are you an idiot? You’re on that CD. You’d ruin yourself too,” I said, rolling my eyes as she looked stunned and startled a deer in the headlights. John then stepped out of the back room. “Get out of my way now,” I shouted, pushing my way through her.

“I have to talk to you,” I bluntly said as he turned around to face me. He rolled his eyes, looking annoyed.

“I called you five times last night and texted you on top of that. You didn’t call back. So Ali, what’s your excuse? Why should I even talk to you? I’m trying to make things better and you won’t even return my phone calls,” he responded as he turned away and walked away.

“Please John, it’s important,” I pleaded, nearly tearing up. He sighed and stared back at me.

“Fine, just make it quick—”

“Alright guys, come with me; we have to discuss the upcoming month,” the manager called out.

“Can you wait 10 minutes Matt?” John implored.

“No guys, it’s right now. I have to catch a flight for LA in two hours,” he explained.

“I guess we’ll talk later then,” I suggested and he nodded, almost smiling. That was something I hadn’t genuinely seen in a while. I couldn’t help smiling back but in the back of my mind, I was thinking that even if we did make up, I’d be leaving in one month anyways. I’d miss him terribly, no matter what happened. All five of them, plus Amber, went into the office as I waited out in the lobby.

John’s point of view

“Alright guys and girl, we have lots to discuss. Don’t open this yet,” Matt said as he passed around a big brown envelope to everyone.

“What’s going on?” I asked, as I played with a pencil on the table.

“I called this meeting to discuss all of you going to LA to finish up the record,” he explained and we all burst out in cheers.

“Matt, that’s great,” Pat added happily.

“Great, so seeing as there aren’t any objections, let’s get into details,” he said as we all tore threw our envelopes. Inside the package was a letter explaining every detail, the hotel accommodations and above all, the plane ticket.

“Wait Matt, the ticket says we leave June 19th. We have prom on that day,” Jared concluded.

“Yeah, we can’t leave. I already made plans for Anny to fly in and meet us,” added Garrett.

“Guys, it’s a once in a life time opportunity to work with the best in the business. People would kill to be doing what you guys are doing at such a young age. Plus, it’s a non refundable ticket,” he explained.

“Oh come on guys! It’ll be so much fun! Plus it’s only for like 3 days. Forget about prom. We’re going to party so much harder than you would have at prom,” Amber brought to attention.

“Right! Plus, you’re going to be there. It’ll be twice as awesome then,” Kennedy added sarcastically but Amber didn’t suspect anything.

“So we have a deal?” Matt grinned at us.

“Yeah Matt, we’ll miss senior prom to record the album. Great,” I said as I angrily stormed out. I was planning on asking Ali to prom but now, I wouldn’t even be going. None of us were going. She’d have to go alone. I walked out to the front room and crashed onto a sofa, holding my head in my hands. As happy as I was for the album, I felt like I was loosing so much of me for it. How much was I willing to put on the line for this? Questions popped in and out of my head and I was so absorbed into my own mind that I didn’t even notice that Amber had been sitting by me.

“Hey,” she quietly said as she took my hand in hers and placed the other on my thigh. Just then, Ali stepped out of the bathroom and met my eyes with a glare. She immediately looked down at my hand and I instinctively pulled away from Amber’s grasp. Ali shook her head and went back into the bathroom, slamming the door once more.

Ali’s point of view

“Ali, open up! Please, I’m sorry,” John yelled as he pounded on the door. I, on the other hand, was sitting on the bathroom floor, my back to the door, tears rolling down my face. As soon as I saw her hand with his, it hit me like a ton of bricks, a slap in the face. I came here to fix things and Amber came to destroy them.

“Get the fuck away from me; I never want to talk to you again!” I yelled back at him. I couldn’t believe what was happening. My dad left for another woman, my mom is pregnant with his child, we are moving away, John is being an asshole and Amber is just… Amber. Not only that, I had to figure out a way to tell everyone I was leaving. Everyone.

“Ali, please. I’m begging you. Let me in,” John pleaded once more but I couldn’t bring myself to let him in no matter how sorry he was. It didn’t matter anymore. It was obviously over and everyone knew it.

“I said go away. I don’t want to talk to you. Why don’t you go cozy up to Amber? That’s all you’re good at anyways; you’ve been doing it for months now,” I retorted angrily.

“You know what Ali, I’m done. I can’t keep doing this. We Oh, and by the way; she held my hand for two seconds because I was pissed I couldn’t take you to prom. You know why? Because we are going to be in LA that weekend. Have a nice life,” he said and then I heard the footsteps I never wanted to hear: him walking away. That was it. It was over. I’ll leave, he’ll move on with his life. It’ll be like nothing ever happened.

Kennedy’s point of view

“Dude, where are you going?” I said to John as he flew past me in a rage I’d never seen him in.

“Just, leave me alone. I’m leaving. Fuck it Kenny,” he said and slammed the door to the building. Amber then got up from where she was sitting with a smirk so large, she had to have done something to cause this.

“Little Johnny broke up with Ali, I think,” she laughed.

“I’m guessing you had something to do with it?” I sighed. She made my blood boil. I hated her. I hated her for what she did to Ali and to John and to this group of friends that got along so great together before her.

“Maybe, maybe not,” she giggled, amused. “They broke up that’s all that matters.”

“Why don’t you go bother someone else and leave us be. No one wants you here. No one cares about you. John’s going to hate you for doing this. Do you seriously think he won’t blame you? He’ll never like you. You’ll never measure up to Ali, ever and John knows that. Why don’t you see yourself out,” I burst, feeling a sense of relief. She just stood there for a while, processing what had happened probably and then walked out of the room. Suddenly, I heard noise coming from the bathroom; Ali.

“Ali, it’s Kennedy. Can I come in?” I said as I knocked on the door. I then heard some moving around and the sound of a door unlocking. I then turned the knob only to find Ali, sitting on the ground, eyes red from crying and a dirty Kleenex scrunched up in her hand. She was silent for a while, just staring at the wall. She then took a deep breath and sighed.

“I’m leaving,” she stated, as a tear ran down her cheek.

“Okay, I’ll drive you—”

“No Kenny. I’m leaving. Forever. Gone.”

“I’m not sure what you’re saying. Is this about John?” I asked, confused.

“No, it’s not John. At least it wasn’t. My dad cheated on my mom and he left her, pregnant, for another woman. My mom sold the house, bought plane tickets and we are going back to live with my grandma. She’s going to need help with the baby so it’s what’s best for us right now. We leave the day after graduation. I’m so sorry Kenny,” she explained and it all seemed surreal. I couldn’t believe she was telling me this. I couldn’t believe she was leaving me forever. It felt like a break up, like we broke up before even hitting it off. I loved her and I couldn’t let her leave without knowing it.

“You can’t leave Ali. You just can’t! What are we going to do without you?”

“Well, it’s not like John—”

“Forget John for two seconds and why don’t you realize that I’m going to be lost without you.”

“What are you saying?” She asked, confused.

“I’m saying that— I… I love you Ali—”

“I love you too—”

“No, I’m in love with you and I want to be with you. Please, don’t go—”

“Kennedy! Really? Did you just have to tell me that? I have enough on my plate and now; another reason it’s going to tear me apart to leave—”

“When was I supposed to tell you? When you leave in a month?” I added, yelling.

“So why did you tell me at all? You know it’ll never work. I’ll be 2000 miles away from you. You won’t even remember me. As a matter of fact, don’t remember me,” she said as she gathered her purse and flew out the door.

“Ali, wait—” I yelled but it was too late. I followed behind her but she ran to her car and drove off, leaving me alone and standing in the empty parking lot of the recording studio. Idiot Kennedy, you idiot. I thought to myself as I walked back inside, shattered.

Ali’s point of view

I drove crying so hard I could barely see three feet in front of me. I couldn’t wait to get out of here. I hated everything and everyone and the only person that kept me sane for months was now in love with me. I didn’t want him to get attached. I didn’t want him to find in me another disappointment. I needed a fresh start, he needed to forget me. As I pulled up into my driveway and quickly ran inside, eyes puffy and red.

“Sweetie, how was your day?” She said as she looked up at me and I couldn’t hold it in any longer. Tears began flowing once more and I couldn’t even talk.

“Ali, what happened? Come here. Sit with me,” I then ran to my mom, burying my head in her shoulder.

“Mommy— He’s not— staying. Amber—everything. Kennedy—still and—I can’t—”

“Okay Ali, breathe and slow down. I can’t understand a word you’re saying,” she said as she patted my back. I then took a deep breath and explained to her exactly what had happened and just how much my life sucked.

“Sweetie, here is what you are going to do. You are going to go to school and mind your own business. You are going to go to prom with other friends of yours from school and then, we leave this place behind. Kennedy is going to get over it. John will move on but most of all, you have to move on and accept that life doesn’t always turn out the way you plan. As for this Amber, just keep in mind that Karma’s a bitch and that what goes around comes around,” she explained, smiling.

“Hopefully it will come around as me hitting her with a bus,” I giggled, drying my eyes.

“You’ll be okay sweetie,” she said, hugging me. She then let go and I ran up to my room and leaped onto my bed. Just then, my eyes caught of glimpse of the wall. The sight of it brought me to tears, I felt like the weakest person on Earth, crying continuously like this. I felt like there was a giant hole in me, something that will never be quite filled again. I read the wall over and over again. ‘There was a new girl in town, she had it all figured out.’

I laughed to myself, reminiscing just how perfect that night was. Good-bye new girl in town. Turns out, she had nothing figured out.