Show Me What I'm Looking For

John’s point of view

“John, wake up. You still have to pack and be at Kennedy’s house at 9 o’clock. Hurry up sweetie,” my mom said as she pulled away the curtains. I groaned and stuffed my head under my pillow. Sadly, I knew I had to get up. Our flight was at 12, yet I didn’t understand why we were even flying there. It was a pretty short drive. I needed a good drive; to clear my mind. I eventually got up from my bed, took a shower, got dressed and packed up my bag.

“Are you ready to go?” My dad asked as I slipped on my shoes in the front entrance. He was driving me to Kennedy’s so I didn’t have to leave my car at the airport.

“Yeah, I’m all set; just have to go say bye to mom,” I smirked. We both rolled our eyes, knowing how hard that was going to be. He took my bag and went to wait in the car.

“Alright mom, I’m all set,” I said, stepping into the kitchen. She turned around, dried off her hands and nearly ran to me.

“My baby’s finally leaving the nest,” She said, holding herself to me.

“Come on mom, it’s only 4 days. I’ll be back before you know it,” I explained, hoping she would relax a little.

“I know, it’s just hard seeing you so grown up. So just be responsible and don’t do anything your father and I wouldn’t do. Call me as soon as you land,” she smiled. I embraced her in a hug and quickly ran out the door, grabbing my backpack in the process. My mom waved me goodbye and we drove off. I couldn’t believe this was actually happening. I had dreamed of this moment for so long and now, it was finally here; our chance to make something of ourselves. A couple of minutes later, my dad dropped me off in front of Kennedy’s house and as usual, I was the last to arrive.

“Hey Kennedy, where do I leave my stuff?” I asked.

“Just leave it near the door. We’ll leave in a little while. Go downstairs, everyone’s in the basement,” he responded, rather depressed.

“What’s wrong with you?” I asked, puzzled.

“I just came back from saying ‘bye’ to Ali,” he sighed. I didn’t quite understand why it was so gut wrenching. Still, after a month, it killed me to hear her name. I always had hoped that things would come together eventually, it wasn’t happening. We weren’t even speaking.

“You’re going to see her in 5 days,” I reminded him, laughing. His face changed and he took on a worried look.

“She didn’t tell you?” he asked, stunned.

“Tell me what?” I asked as I felt the anger build up inside of me. He looked at me for a while; I guess he was trying to find his words. I was expecting the worst.

“I don’t know how to put this man, but Ali’s leaving tomorrow. Her dad left her mom again and she needs help with the baby, so they are moving back. I’m so sorry—”

“What the fuck Kenny? Couldn’t you tell me earlier?” I snapped back at him. I was so angry with him, but most of all, I was angry at myself. I was the one she went to when stuff like this happened to her. I was her shoulder to cry on, no one else.

“I thought she told you and that’s why you guys broke up,” he shouted back.

“I-I can’t believe this. I’ll be back later—”

“You can’t leave! Our flight is in two hours! We have to get going—”

“I said I’ll be back later and I’ll be on the plane. Bye,” I said and slammed the door, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I had to see her. I had to tell her not to leave. I have to tell her that I still loved her. I looked around, no one to be found. I had no car, no means of transportation. Time was running out, I was leaving in a couple of hours. I started running.

“I passed boulevards and avenue and places where we used to go together and the park where we first spoke and I ran. I swerved between cards, not stopping at red lights, running faster than ever before in the hot Arizona sun. I finally made it to her house, exhausted and covered in sweat. I violently rang the doorbell and stepped back to catch my breath.

“J-John? What are you doing here?” Her mom said as she stood against the door frame. I quickly stood up straight, still breathing heavily.

“I need— I need to talk to Ali,” I explained.

“She’s not here. She went to get her hair done for tonight. Haven’t you done enough?”

“Look, I need to talk to her. You can’t leave; you can’t take her away from me. I know I messed up, but I love your daughter and that’s the truth.”

“You should have thought of that earlier. Goodbye John,” She said as she started closing the door. I pulled it open again and looked her straight in the eye.

“Listen, I just ran 20 minutes in this scorching hot sun. I’m delaying my flight for her right now and you are telling me that there is no way I could come in and wait for her,” I bluntly stated. She looked away and sighed.

“Fine, you can wait in the kitchen. I don’t know when she’ll be back, but it’s worth a try,” she said and pulled the door open. I smiled and went to sit on the bubble-wrapped chair in the kitchen.

Waiting was one of the hardest things I had to do. I kept going over how I’d talk to her, what I’d say, what her reaction would be. I couldn’t picture the latter. 30 minutes went by; 45 minutes went by, still no sign of her.

“John?” Her mom called out, dragging me out of a daze.

“Yeah?”

“Your phone is ringing,” she awkwardly responded.

“Oh thanks, sorry,” I smiled and ripped it out of my pocket, pressing it to my ear.

“Hello?”

“John, it’s Garrett. Look, we can’t wait any longer. We delayed it as long as we could, but it’s really time to go now. Where are you? We’ll come pick you up,” he explained. I looked over at the clock and sighed. I hadn’t realized how late it was.

“Yeah, alright. I’m at Ali’s house. Give me like 10 minutes,” I responded and shoved my phone back into my pocket.

“I have to go,” I said. “Can I just have a pen and a piece of paper?” I asked.

“Yeah sure, here you go.” I took the sheet of paper out of her hand and began writing. Writing exactly what I wanted to tell her in person. After a couple of minutes, I heard the car honk and I knew that it was time for me to go.

“Can you give this to her please? I know you think I’m an asshole and that she deserves better and she probably does, but please. Give this to her,” I nearly begged.

“Alright John, I promise. You’re a good kid and you’ll do great things. Just don’t loose your true self,” she said and reached out for a hug.

“Thanks and good luck with everything,” I said and put the letter in her hand. She smiled and I walked out. I waved goodbye from the passenger seat and we drove off.

Ali’s point of view

Being at the hairdresser’s always gave me a headache. Between the noise of the dryers and the constant yelling; it wasn’t something I enjoyed.

“Alright Ali, we’re ready to wash your hair now. Follow me,” Martha, my hairdresser, suggested. I smiled, picked up my purse and followed her to the sinks. She washed my hair and brought me to her chair.

“So, what are we doing today?” She asked, tilting her head to the side and kept detangling my hair.

“I wanted loose wavy curls and parted in the center,” I explained, handing her a picture of what I wanted. She slowly started drying my hair and nervously awaited her customary chit-chat.

“So, do you have a date for tonight?”

“Yes,” I smiled.

“Is it that boy John you told me about last time?” It suddenly occurred to me that last time I was here, we weren’t even dating yet.

“No, um, we dated for a while, but it didn’t work out,” I explained.

“Oh sweetie, I’m so sorry to hear that. So who are you going with?”

“This guy named Peter. He’s a football player, not really my type, but he asked me last week so I said yes,” I explained.

“Oh, I’m sure you’ll have a great time. Does John have a date?” I wasn’t expecting that question at all. I instantly thought of Amber.

“No, he’s not going. He’s in LA for the week end,” I explained.

“Well, at least you won’t have to see him with someone else,” she said, trying to make me feel better. Little did she know. I waved it off and smiled. Once she was finally done, I was taken to the make-up chair and waited for Giorgio to get started.

“Darling, you look fabulous!” He said as he held up a mirror to my face.

“Thank you so much!”

“Now, remember. Have a great time tonight and send me pictures. Don’t be to crazy sweetheart,” he warned me. I loved him; he was such a great guy. Once I was done, I drove back home.

“Mom, I’m home. When’s—”

“Come here, I need to talk to you,” she said, scaring me. I quickly went over everything that I could have possibly have done to set her off, but my mind came out blank. Confused, I stepped into the kitchen where she was sitting.

“Yeah? What’s wrong?” I asked, peeking my head into the kitchen.

“Sit down, I have to talk to you,” she added. I shook my shoulders and sat down in front of her.

“Mom, you’re scaring me… What is it?”

“John came over earlier to talk to you while you were at the hairdresser’s. I’m under the impression that you didn’t tell him you were leaving—”

“Mom—”

“Let me finish Alicia. Now, he waited as long as he could. Garrett had to practically drag him out of here. He wanted to talk to you, so he left you this letter,” she said and placed it on the table. I looked at it for a while, shocked. That single piece of paper with blue writing now seemed to change everything. Every time I tried to block him out, he managed to pop back into my mind.

“Thanks… I think I’m going to go upstairs and get ready,” I answered. I grabbed the letter, shoved it into my pocket and ran up to my room. I then slammed my door shut, threw the letter on my bed and collapsed onto the floor, sobbing. Why is he doing this to me? I asked myself. Thoughts popped in and out of my mind. Should I read it? What if I didn’t? Would it even change anything anyways? My date was coming to pick me up in 2 hours and I had to start getting ready, but I couldn’t take my eyes off the handwritten note. I brought myself to my bed and wiped away the tears as I unfolded the piece of paper and began reading.

“Ali, I messed up so bad. I can’t believe it’s too late to start over. I wish things were good again. I’m such an idiot for letting this happen, for letting unimportant people and unimportant things get in the way. I’m sorry for lying to you. I’m sorry for letting you down. I’m sorry for— just everything. I hope you’ll be happy in whatever you do and whoever you do it with. Maybe we’ll cross paths again someday, maybe we won’t. Just know that I love you, always will. Yours truly, John O’Callaghan.”

I blinked my eyes faster and faster, hoping to hold back the tears. I then set the note down, took a deep breath and tried to remember why I hated him, why I couldn’t talk to him ever again. Right now, it all seemed to fade away. It suddenly hit me that I couldn’t possibly leave this town without talking to him one last time, without telling him that I loved him. I took a make-up removing wipe to my face and removed everything. I had to get to LA as soon as possible. I put on the only thing I could find, grabbed my shoes, shoved the note back in my pocket and ran down the stairs. I didn’t know how I was going to break it to my mom or how Peter would take it. Truth was, I didn’t care about him, I cared about John and time was running out to tell him.

“Ali, why aren’t you dressed?” She smiled.

“Listen mom, I’m not going tonight, I have to get to—”

“I know, go,” she responded as she tossed me the keys to her car.

“Wait, what?”

“You heard me, go. Go to LA, find John, fix everything, but there’s no changing tomorrow,” she added.

“You’re letting me go?” I repeated, still not quite grasping the situation.

“Yes! I called John’s mom to find the hotel they were staying at. I told Peter you were sick,” She laughing to herself. “Did you really think that a mother wouldn’t read the letter from a boy that broke her daughter’s heart? You would have done the same. Now, go before it’s too late,” she smiled and I grabbed the keys off the table. I hugged and thanked her and ran out the door. I quickly got into the car and drove off. I couldn’t wait to see him.