Tearjerker Masochist

[Phury]

I bit my lip as we made the drive back. I couldn't help the memories going through my head. I hated when I couldn't control my thoughts enough that the flashbacks actually were able to finish. Normally I would get through a little of whatever memory it was, before snapping out of it.

"Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!" I yelled, running through the house in my Scooby Doo pajamas.

She came out of the laundry room a few feet in front of me and scooped me up, making me squeal with laughter and delight.

"Phoebe, sweetie, how many times have I told you not to run in the house?" she asked patiently. "You could slip, and I don't want you to get hurt."

I looked down. "Yes Mommy."

"Now," she said, kissing my forehead, "what do you need?"

"Zoey's being mean again," I pouted.

"What did Zoey do now?" she asked tiredly, carrying me to the room Zoey and I had to share.

"She started making fun of me playing with my doctor stuff, and said that I would never be able to be a doctor, and I wouldn't even help anyone."

"Aww. Well you know how Zoey is with doctors, sweetie. She doesn't mean it. And you can do whatever it is that your little heart desires."

"Anything?"

She nodded and put me down, tweaking my nose, making me giggle. "Now go back in there. She's your sister, and you're only going to have one of those for the rest of your life."

I made a face. "I wish I could have a different one."

"Phoebe Nicole Perry!" she admonished.

"What?" I asked insolently. "Zoey's mean to me, makes fun of me, and I wish that I had been born alone!"

She sighed. "Sweetie, you know she doesn't mean what she says. She just has a lot on her plate."

But it was useless trying to explain that concept to a five-year-old.

I didn't really understand why Zoey had to go to the hospital so much; I didn't understand what they meant when they said that something was wrong with the wiring of her circulatory system; and I most certainly didn't understand what had transformed my fun and easygoing sister into such a meanieface.

I bit my lip when I thought about how innocent I'd used to be, especially when it came to Zsadist.

She used to be so horrible to me, and I wouldn't take it.

Now that I understood more, I let her walk all over me.

My grip tightened on the wheel.

"Johnny, Johnny, Johnny!" I yelled joyfully, jumping at him.

He caught me, and hugged me. "You're getting too big to hold, little Phoebe."

I giggled. "Daddy said that's because I'm getting older. And that he'll hurt any boys that try anything."

He smiled. "He wants to protect you. A lot of boys will hurt such a pretty girl."

I frowned. "I don't want to get hurt."

"That's why your daddy and I are going to protect you."

I smiled. "Promise."

He kissed my forehead. "I promise."

I beat the steering wheel with my fists. "Liar! You didn't protect shit!"

I breathed deeply as I tried to calm down. There was no use in doing this now.

Zee's faulty wiring would have been fine if she hadn't been beaten so badly, and John would have done what he could to protect us if hadn't been so blinded by his loyalty to a corrupt system.

I thought back to that night... to that agonizing pain and the even more crippling knowledge that the only person that I had left was Zsadist, and I only got a broken shell of her.

As I struggled to breathe, I realized something. I didn't want to die when Zee did. I loved her, yes. I didn't want her to die, yes.

But I really didn't want to die just because she did.

I didn't laugh at the irony of the fact that Zee was going to kill me when she found that out.