Tearjerker Masochist

[Zsadist]

I groaned, opening my eyes, unwilling to let go of my dream.

It was unreal.

He was alive.

Miraculously alive.

I sat up, shaking my head violently. Stupid dreams.

Climbing out of my bed I started to tread downstairs silently barefoot. Reaching the bottom of the stairs I stopped in the doorway to the kitchen. There's a man in there with Phury. I took a step forward and the floor creaked, announcing my presence.

His head snapped around, eyes locking onto mine as a grin spread on his face.

I stood there motionless, eyes wide, silent. My eyes glazed over as flashbacks played before me. A single tear fell from my right eye; a drop of blood soon following after from the bandages on my left.

It wasn't a dream. He's alive and it's real. He was standing right before me now and I reached out for his face, my hand shaking. Afraid he would just be another hallucination.

My fingers brushed skin and reflexively snapped back to me as if burned. Then he spoke.

"Zsadist?" His eyes conveyed worry.

My mouth opened. "Is he real?"

His eyes, still locked with mine, widened in shock at my question, hurt filling them.

"Yes, Zee." Phury said from the table. "He's real."

At her worlds I launched forwards grasping his shirt in my hands, pulling it; ripping it.

I have to make sure he's real. He attempted to stop me at first, and then just gently removed my hands before pulling off what was left of his shirt. Shaking fingers instantly traced scars, old and new. It was real. It was him.

My arms wrapped tightly around his neck, hugging him to me tightly. I felt his own wrap around me, pressing me to him.

"Please…" I whispered. "Please don’t leave me…"

He squeezed me tighter. "Not even if Phury tries to castrate me."

I continued to shake.

"I'm not leaving, Zee." He finally promised, my face still buried in his neck. "I'll always be here for you. I love you, you know."

His hand came up to my face, rubbing his thumb on my cheek, calming me down enough for me to detach my arms from the death grip on his neck. But not enough to leave his touch, my body still pressed to his.

He led me to the couch and sad down, leaving me room to sit next to him. I sat on his lap instead, and he smiled softly, kissing my forehead.

"Kayden…" I spoke his name quietly, barely a whisper, but instantly getting his and Phury's attention.

"How are you still alive?"

He shifted pulling my back to his chest with his arm tightly around my waist, the other holding my hand, his head on my shoulder.

"I died." He breathed onto my neck. "In that ally. Apparently I was dead for about ten minutes before someone found my body. Dead. By that time you both were gone. I got rushed to a hospital and treated. They were calling me a miracle because I should've, by all rights, been dead for good." He explained his voice filled with sadness.

"Then why are you only coming to her now? This was years ago." Phury asked, slightly angered.

"Yeah, it was. But I just woke up about five months ago. I was in a coma apparently, and then I had to do physical therapy before they would let me leave. The rest of my time I was trying to find you two."

He pulled me even closer, if possible, and buried his face in my neck like a scared child.

I didn’t know how to react. Tell it's all going to be okay? Or just hug him, and be glad that's he's back. I looked at Phury my eyes pleading.

She sighed. "Yes, Zee. He can stay."

I shifted sideways and wrapped my arms around his neck. "See Kay. You can stay here with me now." I smiled softy.

Kayden lifted his face to glance at Phury. Their eyes locking. "Thank you…"

Phury just waved her hand. "Not a problem. As long as you're still my future brother-in-law?" She questioned, a smirk playing on her face.

He grinned. "Of course." He leaned forwards and kissed me slowly before pulling away.

"Zee…" He paused.

"Will you still marry me?"

And I smiled my first genuine smile since the accident happened. The first time I was truly happy and in control of my feelings, the first time, I felt semi normal.

I simply nodded and kissed him hard.

Happiness filled me to the brim. My life was getting pulled back together, slowly, yet surely. I could only hope that since Kayden managed to survive, Ryan or the twins got the same chance…

We would have to check as soon as possible. Meaning first thing in the morning.

Taking one look at Phury I saw she was thinking the same thing I was.

Why didn’t we think to check if someone survived sooner?

The answer was easy, we honestly thought we were the only ones who escaped, or survived. We thought we were the last ones still alive.

Clearly, as Kayden being in my arms showed, we were wrong.

And for the first time in our lives, it felt horrible to be wrong.

Worse then imaginable, because what if Ryan is really out there? What if he's alive, and like Kayden was stuck in a coma? Only he wakes up without someone there to remind him we care?

What if the one of the twins made it, but got adopted by someone else? What if, if that miraculous child survived, they want to know who their parents are? Who their real mother was?

Would they be saddened to know their family is killers? Or would they understand?

Thoughts ran around wildly in my skull, bouncing back and forth bring new ideas, thoughts, questions to light.

Millions of 'What if..?' statements crossed through.

But then, that's how life is once you’re a killer. Full of regrets; Questions.

How would our lives be now if that second tragedy hadn’t befallen us?

Would we both be happily married?

Would Phury be the mother of twins that she always wanted, with Ryan by her side?

Would I still be dying; holding secrets of my own loss from her?

That thought made me pause.

She has to know about it. We never told her.

I never told her.

I never told Kayden.

Why?

Simple. I didn’t find out until too late.

Maybe if I had the right circumstances, the proper help, maybe then it would've been okay.

Maybe then I could've told them.

Maybe then my baby wouldn't have died.

It's time for them to know my best-kept secret.

The torment behind my suffering.