Tearjerker Masochist

[Phury]

I couldn't look at them as they lost themselves in their warm embrace. Happiness radiated off of both of them while all I felt was jealousy. The feeling coursed through me without bounds, circuiting my body over and over again until I couldn't take it anymore. Making up some bullshit excuse to leave, I hurried out, breathing through my nose in an effort to control it.

Of course they didn't notice my being upset. Why would they? The love of their life just miraculously returned, they'll be wrapped up in each other's presence for days. It's not like I was an attention whorethat was Zsadist, but it would be nice to be acknowledged, maybe even a 'hey Phury, are you okay? You look like you're about to cry'.

But I guess that was too much to ask for, right? I mean, this was me we were talking about here. It took several overdoses that resulted in me being unable to do everything for everyone else before they even considered that something was wrong. Even when I was little, everyone paid more attention to Zee than they did to me.

Ryan didn't. Ryan paid attention to me. He always knew when something was wrong, whether I wanted to admit to it or not. Not one to shove it down somebody's throat, he would wait for me to talk to him about it rather than demand over and over again to know.

I sighed, looking down as I went to my room. Unlike Kayden there was no way Ryan was still alive. It was primarily his blood that had covered everything, and his gashes were far too deep, displaying bones and internal organs. It would have been an amazing feat for him to survive if we'd gotten him help within ten minutes of it happening.

No, there was no way Ryan survived. The only ones that would have a fairy tale ending here is Kayden and Zsadist.

I lay on my bed and turned the TV on, wanting to find a movie on that would distract me so that I wouldn't have to think about how incredibly unfair all of this was. The Adventures... was on a channel, so I clicked 'info', curious as to what it was. My jaw dropped.

The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle. I turned it quickly, but it was too late. I was already remembering the first time Ryan and I's first date. We'd gone to the movies, and they were showing that. Everything else was sold out so we'd watched it.

I turned off the television, and buried my head under my pillow, hoping to quickly get to sleep. Even my nightmares would be better than this.

~*~

I woke up in a cold sweat, breathing as hard as if I'd sprinted a mile at full speed. I'd learned two things from my newest nightmares.

I was changing my name back to Phoebe.

I was moving out.

No matter what Zsadist said. I really don't care anymore.