I'd Do Anything For A Smile

{Brian POV}

I woke up to staring at my ceiling thinking of four years ago.

I lost her.

She wasn't coming back.

She wasn't mine anymore.

I turned my head and looked at the bedside table next to me. I still have the same purple razor that she left behind. Hoping one day I'd would be able to give it back to her. And allow her to come back into my arms.

But I lost her.

She wasn't coming back.

She wasn't mine anymore.

I felt someone stir next to me causing me to look to the other side of me. Blonde hair but not my blonde. "Morning." she whispered opening up her blue eyes. Not my brown ones.

"Morning." I mumbled looking back at the white ceiling. Four years and I still look at every woman I fuck the same. None of them are her. I guess I was just wishing one day I'd wake up and she'd be there again, with that smile.

I looked at the clock across the room and read it was ten in the morning. "I think it's time you left." I told her.

"What?" she asked sitting up int the bed. Her hands held onto the sheet closer to her body. "Don't I at least get to have breakfast." she said and bit my neck. "Or a shower."

I cringed in her grasp but stood up leaving her in the bed. I picked up my boxers and my t-shirt slipping them on and walking towards the door.

"You have ten minutes to leave before I call the cops." I stated and slammed the door.

This is how every morning that I'd bring home a one-night stand ending. Nothing but quick fucks. All to get my mind off of her. But that only lasts till the hangover is over and the next one begins.

I made some coffee and heard the front door slam shut. "About time she left." I muttered under my breath. I heard the door open again and sighed. "What the fuck now."

I turned around and saw Zack was walking into the kitchen. "You fucked that?" he asked with his thumb pointing backwards. I'm sure he was talking about whatever he name was.

I nodded as I poured some coffee. "Coffee?" he shook his head and sat on a stool. I sat down across from him sipping my coffee. "What's up?"

"Nothing we're going down to the beach and I wanted to know if you wanted to come?" he asked me spinning on the stool.

I shrugged. "Why not."

When Abby left Tia didn't talk to me for a month and then she'd just have snippy remarks to say to me. I would blame her for the money but it wouldn't of made a difference in the end, I'm the only one who fucked up.

After everyone found out, Matt beat the shit out of me, he always thought Abby as a little sister. The girls gave me cold looks. The only one who really didn't change was Zack, mainly because Tia gave him shit for still paying me.

But in all the end, everything was and is my fault.

We left my house after I changed into my dark blue board shorts and a white muscle shirt.

"So how's the wife?" I asked as Zack drove us to the beach.

Tia and him got married about a year ago.

He shrugged. "Pregnant." he simply said. Knowing for a fact that he meant Tia was being all bitchy.

"Typical." I mumbled as I turned up the stereo.

"So what are we doing for your birthday tomorrow?" he asked as we walked towards the others on the beach.

I shrugged. "I really don't care."

"Still going to make the same wish?" he asked.

Every year, I'd close my eyes wishing for Abby to be there, while blowing out the candles. And when I'd open them I frowned knowing I never got my wish.

"Till she's back." I mumbled

He nodded. "Have you ever thought about I don't know, getting your life together." he stated throwing his arms in the air.

"What do you mean?" I asked scrunching up my face.

"I mean." he sighed and stopped to look at me. "What if she came back and saw you with one of your many sluts. She wouldn't be so willing to come back to you."

I sighed knowing he was right but I wasn't going to accept that. "Just till she's back." I muttered walking over towards the group.

We spent awhile at the beach just relaxing and watching people swim or swim ourselves. It was around noon when my eyes wander along the beach towards a little girl building a sand castle.

Her blonde hair looked so much like Abby's, it made me smile. I looked at the man with her, he was slightly bigger than Matt. Lucky guy.

"I think I'm going to go." I stated as I stood up and brushed the sand off of me.

"Alright, call you tomorrow for your birthday." Zack yelled as everyone said goodbye to me.

Right, I'll be 28 fucking years old, and it doesn't even matter anymore.

Without her.