I'd Do Anything For A Smile

{Abby's PROV}

I rolled over in Brian's bed and faced the window. Brian thought it was better for me and Emily to stay at his house for a while. I looked out into the dark sky, blankly. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't think.

All I kept hearing in my head was Mr. Grabber telling me my brother was gone, and not coming back to me.

Stay strong Abby and I'll come back to you.

I sobbed as I saw him in my head again. I shook my head and crawled out of bed. I walked towards the window and stared out it. The light waves crashed against the shoreline. You could see the moonlight reflecting off the water, making it dance, and the colors glittered with the rippling of the waves.

I looked back into the room and could make out Brian's figure on the bed. He was able to sleep soundlessly next me, when he thought I was finally asleep, but I never was.

I slowly walked towards his door and stepped out into the hallway and walked into the next room where he said Emily was.

I creaked open her door and watched as she slept on an over-sized guest bed with her teddy bear, Brian bought her, snuggled in her arms.

I bent down and kissed her forehead softly, not wanting to wake her up. "I love you Emily." I whispered and kissed her forehead again.

I slowly walked out of her room and headed towards the staircase. I walked through the kitchen, opening the back door, and walked off the deck onto the beach.

I pulled up my black sweatpants that I was wearing, and walked towards ocean. My pace kept getting faster till I hit the water and was now running out deeper into the ocean.

Stay strong Abby and I'll come back to you.

I sobbed as the splashes hit my face. I went out to a little over waist deep and stared up at the sky. My eyes were blurry from the tears and my sobs became louder.

"Why!" I screamed loudly at the sky. "Why did you have to take him from me!" I screamed again. To any onlooker, It looked like I was some lunatic talking to moon, hoping it would answer me.

A large wave came by and crashed me back towards the shore. It knocked my feet down, causing me to become engulfed in the water. When I came back to the surface I gasped for air and spat out the salty water. I stood up and ran back to waist deep.

I stared at the ocean as no other waves came back crashing towards me. The water was calm again. I took a deep breath before I completely dunked my whole body under the water. I stayed like that waiting for the water to drown me. But I freaked and resurfaced gasping for air again. I waited till my breath went down again till I decide to end it one more time.

This time I counting.

1
2
3
4
5
6

My head began to feel dizzy and my body was telling me to resurface again. But this time I wasn't going to.

I closed my eyes and waiting longer.

15
16
17
18
19
20

I felt something grab out my sides and pull me upwards towards the surface. When I surfaced I gasped for that long awaited breath.

I noticed I was being pulled away from the sea and towards the shore. Before I knew it I was back laying in the sand, trying to steady my breathing. It felt like I'd ran a marathon.

I looked towards my side and saw Brian coughing and wheezing as he faced the sand on his knees. After a while he looked at me, narrowing his eyes.

"What the hell do you think you were doing!" he yelled. He sat on his knees as he looked over me, still laying on the sand.

I looked away from him. I didn't want to tell him the answer. Besides he already knew.

"Abby!" he sighed. "Your being a selfish bitch right now." he said bluntly.

I snapped my face at him. "Fuck you" I breathed. "I just lost my brother Brian. I cant fucking think of anything right now!"

"So you try to kill yourself?" he asked. "Your being a heartless bitch. What about Tia and the guys and what the fuck about Emily! You think she wants to be motherless at the age of four? I don't fucking think so! And what about me!" he yelled, pulling on my arms so he was holding me. "What about me Abby. I'd die without you, and Emily would have no parents."

I sobbed in his arms and wrapped mine around his waist. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Shh." he hushed me rubbing my back. "You being gone doesn't bring River back."

"I know."

"Baby." he said pulling us apart so he could look me directly in the eyes. "I don't think you should this alone. I want to you see someone."

I scrunched my nose up at him. "I'll be fine, I swear." I did not want to see a shrink. I am not crazy.

He shook his head. "Abby, you just tired to drown yourself. Your not fine."

"No."

"Do it for Emily?" he asked tucking a piece of wet hair behind my ear.

"Fine."