This Is How I Disappear

We stood there, facing one another wondering who should start first. It was my first time, and I was scared to death and had no idea what to expect. Everyone said it was going to hurt, but how badly would it really hurt. I saw him slowly walk towards me, resting his one hand on my cheek. I looked up at him and he smiled, “You look so beautiful darlin’”

“Gerard…” I whispered until I felt him put a finger over my lips. He smiled as he lean down and kissed my forehead. I closed my eyes and I knew I could trust him with anything. He was the one that kept me up now, and the one who kept me safe. He slowly slid with the back part of his icy hands over my cheeks to push away the now down hair. He pushed it towards my ears, and tugged them safely behind my ears. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him, his whole facial structure was flawless and with the moonlight shining on it, made him the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. He looked into my eyes and gave me the crooked smile that made me love him even more. I stood up on my tippy toes and lightly planted my lips onto of his. With that one moment of passion, I felt my whole body explode. I felt his hands slide through my hair and down my back, sending shivers everywhere. He wrapped the strong arms around my waist and held me tight, not wanting to let me go. I slide my arms from his upper arms to his shoulder and returned the same feeling, of not wanting to let go, back to him. I tilted my head to the slide, deeping the kiss into something burning with passion.

I then felt one of his hands slide away from my waist and then felt it again. It was lightly placed against my neck with his fingers brushing against my cheek. He had pulled away from my lips, leaving me wanting more, but placed them back onto my neck. He planted soft kisses on my neck and moved towards my ear. It made the hairs on the back of my neck stand straight up as I felt his hot breath on my neck. I bite down on my lower lips as I heard him softly whisper in my ear, “My sweet Analisa, I love you so damn much. I promise not to hurt you.”

I pulled out of Gerard’s grasp and looked into his eyes. I searched them for a hint of a lie, but I could see the love in his eyes. I smiled happily and looked down at his hand. I claimed it into mine and looked back up at him, “And I love you Gerard,” I whispered as I intertwine our fingers together. He smiled and kissed me again, but there was something different in this kiss, it had wanting, passion, love, and lust. I smiled against his tender lips and kissed him back. He pulled me towards our bed, wanting to prove just how much I meant to him. I felt the bed against the back of my knees, but then I was picked up. Gerard had me pressed against him and moved my legs around his waist. I giggled against his lips as he climbed onto the bed, protectively holding me. He lightly placed me onto the soft sheets and looked down at me with a smile that meant forever. I ran my fingers through his hair as I felt his cold hands push up my shirt, only the tiniest bit. He smoothed his hand over my skin, sending the same shivers everywhere. I smiled again at him as he made tiny circles around my belly button. Inch by inch he pushed my shirt off until it was completely off, leaving me more exposed than ever. He lean down and kissed me deeply while holding me close to him, “I trust you.”



I laid there happily in his arms, wrapped up in the sheets while he ran his fingers through my hair. I rested my head on his shoulder and draped my arm over his chest, running my fingers up and down his side. His other hand was draped over top of my arm and was running his fingers around my shoulder. I closed my eyes as I enjoyed the comfort he was giving me wondering about our journey together. From the beginning till now, it seemed like a rollercoaster, but it was worth it. I smiled as I remembered walking down the aisle and seeing him waiting for me. And I remembered the look he had on his face, when I was strapped into that chair. The look of panic but then settle hint of relieve, made me melt inside. That he cared so much about me, that he would risk his own life against Lestat. Then the conversation that I had with Lestat popped up in my head. There were so many unanswered questions and I wanted to know answers, I needed to know the past, “Gerard?”
“Yes my love,” I heard him whisper as he tilted his head towards me and lightly kissed my forehead.

“Did you really kill Lestat’s mother?” I asked him not wanting to know if it was the truth.
Could the man I love be a dangerous man, and man that can kill someone so innocent.

“There're things that I have done, you never should ever know,” he whispered after a deep breath. I bite my lower lip again and knew that the man I married was able to kill someone who could have been completely innocent. I sat up, bringing the sheets up, covering myself up.

“Gerard, I know you did. Lestat told me everything,” I told him and he covered his face with his hands. He slowly rubbed down and wiped his mouth. He sat up, resting his back against the headboard. He reached out and lightly grabbed my hand, rubbing his thumbs on the back of my hand trying to soothe me. I looked at him wanting to pull my hand away.

“Baby, that was a very long time again. A time in which I wish to forget,” he whispered as he reached up for my face, but I pulled away, never breaking my stare at him. He sighed in defeat as he ran his hand through his hair and scratching the back of it, “You wouldn’t understand me Analisa.”

“Try me,” I whispered knowing that I could handle any truth, good or bad. I learned to cope with the unbelievable and turn it into reality. He took a deep breath and looked at me after turning his head away.

“Once I was old and wise enough to understand the feud between the two families, I was trained to kill at the first sight. They were banished by the Tripod along with my father. They were not to cross our land, but that day I saw one. At that moment I could hear everyone’s voices in my head, yelling at me to kill, to destroy her. And I had to obey or I would have a punishment of my own. It was my duty to protect the clan and our way of life. But there isn’t a day that goes by I don’t think about that day in the woods. The guilt of what I did still haunts me to this day,” he explained and looked down at the sheets. I looked down watching his hands processing what he was saying to me. He was right though, from the stories, it would only be natural to train everyone to kill anyone who is banished from the land. I reached out and grabbed his hands. He looked up at me with lost eyes and I smiled lightly.

“I’m sorry Gerard,” I whispered and in that moment, his arms gathered me up. He wrapped his arms around me tightly, while I held onto his neck. He had buried his face into my shoulder and I kissed the top of his head.

“I wish I could take all of it back, Analisa. But you can’t rewind the past,” he whispered and I kissed his cheek letting him know that I believed him. I ran my fingers through his hair, trying to calm him. I felt bad that I had dug up all the old feelings and knew that Gerard would only kill if he had to, or was told to. He rocked us slowly back and forth as I ran my fingers lightly over his skin. He pulled away and kissed me again, passion growing deeply. I held onto his face as he kissed me harder and harder, wanting more of me. Soon enough he pulled away from me and kissed the top of his head. I laid in his arms, facing towards him as I ran my hand up and down his chest.

“Can I ask you another question?” I asked him.

“Only if it doesn’t make me depressed again,” he laughed and I shook my head no.

“What is the Tripod?” I asked him, finally getting the right moment to ask what it was. I heard Alexander comment on it at our wedding and Gerard had just finished talking about it.

“The Tripod is made up of the oldest and wises vampires of our kind. There is Damien, Aiden, and Nicolas that make up the core Tripod. They are the only ones above my father, but they all choose kings to rule some land. It was much easier to slit up the land and have the chosen ones to run them. But they were the heads of the race, where as my father is the leader of this one clan and the surrounding Vampires,” he explained and I nodded now fully understand what everyone was talking about. I looked up at him and smiled until I saw the sadness in his eyes.

“What’s wrong Gerard?”

“It’s just that, I was really close with Damien. He was like a second father to me. I just can’t believe he is gone,” he whispered and kissed the top of my head. I looked up at him with sad eyes and kissed his cheek.

“I am truly sorry Gerard,” I whispered and hugged him tightly; “I am making you so depressed tonight.”

“No you’re not sugar, I’ll be fine,” he kissed the side of my head and held me tighter, “But we should get some sleep.”

I nodded my head as we moved to lay down back into bed. I went and laid in the same position before I started to ask him questions. My head was resting on his shoulder while his one arm was wrapped around my waist protectively. I had draped my arm over his chest and closed my eyes as Gerard softly hummed our wedding song to me.