This Is How I Disappear

“Mom! Mom!” I screamed. I suddenly woke up and was sweating heavily and my fangs were exposed. They were long, sharp and ready for any attack anything that was to come my way. I darted my eyes around the room looking for any danger at all. My senses were alive causing me to be on edge. Once I realized there was no threat, I slowly relaxed my body and my vision turned back to normal. My fangs slowly eased up and were back aligned with my regular teeth. I looked next to me, to see if I had disturbed Gerard, but he was not there. I looked around and noticed that he wasn’t even in the room. I looked towards the window and saw daylight. I sighed as I pushed the bed covers away. I rubbed my face and thought about why I had woken up.

I stood in front of Gerard, feeling that everything was coming to an end. That we were going down the drain and I could not stop it. I tried so many times to change his mind, but it just was not working. I could tell he was about to say something until we heard someone yell, “Carrie is missing!”

My heart just dropped. I looked around scared for what was going to happen. The lights started to flicker and then suddenly everything turned black. I was scared to death, till I felt his hand on mine. I felt him comfort me in a while that I was happy. I looked at him to where I knew where he was and bit my lip. He could tell I was scared and upset and he brought me closer to him. I felt the whole situation and everything float away, “We will find her.”

My eyes started to water from just thinking about my dream. Was it going to come true, or was it just a dream? That what scared me the most. I pushed myself up and walked over to my closet. My body was still trembling as I reached for my clothes. I quickly got dressed and knew I had to go and tell Gerard. Just telling anyone in general would make me feel better. I fixed my hair and swiftly ran out of the room. I ran down the steps and looked around. There was still no sign of Gerard in sight. Then I heard low voices coming from the library. I slowly walked towards the door trying to register who was actually talking.

“You guys actually killed Lestat?” I heard the familiar girl voice that made me feel jealousy course through my veins.

“Yes we did. He took Gerard’s Analisa away, so we had to,” I heard Frankie explained feeling a little better knowing that Gerard did kill Lestat to protect me. A part of me started to get my hopes up just wanting to know if Gerard was on the other side of this heavy oak door. Plus I was hoping that if Gerard was in there, he would speak up about his feelings to me, it would make my life so much easier.

“No way Gee bird, aren’t you a knight and shining armor,” I heard Andy say.

“Yeah, I guess,” I felt my heart soar and fall at the same time. I was relieved he was in there and just his voice sent chills down my spine. At the same time, his reply sounded a little weak. I knew he was still upset about last night, but his voice sounded worse.

“Why the long face?” I heard her ask him.

“Nothing, it just I have a lot on my mind,” and I knew that if Ray was in there, he could hear every word Gerard was thinking. But I knew even without Ray’s help, I knew exactly what Gerard was thinking about.

“You know you and Analisa will make up in no time. She loves you Gerard,” I heard Ray. What Ray said was all true, I loved Gerard. I knew I over reacted last night and I should have just let it go, but I was too in love Gerard to see what I was doing. It hurt that he was talking to someone other than me and it made me jealous. I never had to fight for Gerard’s attention and I did not like how I had to fight for it now.

“Yeah Gerard that fight was not too bad. Every marriage has its fights,” I heard Bob and I hit my head. I shook it lightly realizing that the whole house probably heard us.

“It’s just a part of me wish I had a choice of who I got to marry. Don’t get me wrong, I care for Analisa, but she said that she was caught up in the moment and was not sure if she loved me, and I got to thinking. That was what I was feeling, I was so caught up in the situation, that I never got a chance to love Analisa, and I don’t think I ever will,” I heard him say and it broke my heart in two. I slide down against the wall I was leaning against and let the tears run down my cheek. What have I done? How could a situation so small turn into something big like this? I bite my lip as I blocked out what the guys said to convince Gerard he was wrong, but nothing was going to change his mind. I buried my eyes into my hands and wish I could take back the whole night and that I would just let everything blow off my back. I just wanted to be in Gerard’s arms more than ever. I needed him to tell me everything was going to be alright and I just needed his touch to calm me down. I don’t know how long I sat there crying my eyes out, but I barely heard the door open.

“Analisa?” I heard him say my voice so light that everything in my body went dead or numb. A big part of me wanted to get up and hit him with all I got, but the part that was winning just wanted to sit here and cry, “How long have you been sitting there?”

“Long enough,” I answered him as I got up and wiped my eyes away. By then all of the guys, including the infamous Andy was standing behind Gerard. But I paid no attention to them; my whole focus was on Gerard and his facial expressions. I could tell he was sorry and I could see the worry in his eyes. I killed me he was even thinking those thoughts but I almost died just hearing him voice his opinion, “Is that how you really feel Gerard?”

He didn’t say anything; all he did was look at the ground. That was all I needed to confirm what he was thinking. I let a few more tears fall down and wiped them away. The room was quite and I just couldn’t take it anymore. I ran down the last few stairs and pushed my way past Gerard. I ran towards the front door and out into the grand entrance. I breathed deeply as I ran around the house and into the small garden. I slow down my speed as I entered the garden, admiring all the flowers and how the garden had a certain flow to it. There was a bunch that was placed across from the small fountain that I sat down on. I let out a deep sigh as I watched the water be forced out and then land back into the main part of the water fountain. I looked to the ground and then at the house, realizing my worst fears was coming true. I was failing at a marriage and I could not figure out a way to fix it.

“There you are Analisa,” I heard Nikki’s voice. I looked towards the house again and saw she was walking towards me. I quickly cleaned my makeup and wiped away my tears. I did not want her to see me this way; I did not want to pull her away from wedding planning mode. She wanted to pull off a quick wedding and I was not going to slow it down. It was her time and I was going to give it to her, “Come on silly, we all need to go and plan my wedding.”