This Is How I Disappear

One night turned into a few days and a few days turned into a week. It was now Frankie and Nikki’s wedding. I was in the dressing room with Nikki, Cay and Zanira as we got ready for Nikki’s big day. I stood in the mirror looking at my dress closely. It was a soft lavender color with a strip of dark purple around the waist band. But more importantly, I was staring at my own wedding ring. Gerard and I had not talked at all since that night and it killed me. I was ready to talk to him, but I could not tell if he was ready. I lightly twisted the ring a few times and just stared at our symbol of love and the vows we shared. ‘I vow here that this love will be my only love. I will make my home in your arms,’ kept playing over and over in my head. I was supposed to be his only love; I was supposed to be his everything. But our love was falling apart and I wanted nothing more to be in his arms again. I suddenly started to cry hard as I buried my face into my hands for the hundredth time this week. But this time was different, for the first time I realize that we were being stupid. We both were overacting and that had cost us our marriage.

“Analisa?” I heard Cay. I inhaled deeply and wiped my tears away, trying to hid what I was doing. I smile at her and I knew in her facial expression, I had failed miserably. She ran over towards me as I felt like I was going to lose it again, “Ana, what is wrong?”

“Everything. I am stupid Cay, I messed up everything. Gerard won’t even look at me. And here I am crying on Nikki’s wedding day,” I cried and leaned against her shoulder. She wrapped her arms around me and just let me cry. I cried my eyes out before she pulled away and fixed my hair a little bit. I sigh and looked out the window watching the guest arrive.

“The wedding is about to start, but I promise as soon as we get a free minute; I will talk to you. Okay?” she said and I nodded. She grabbed my hand with a reassuring smile and we headed out into the backyard. We quickly ran towards where the bridal party was with all the grooms’ men and the groom himself. Zanira was already there, with the infamous Andy. The pit in my stomach grew larger as she was talking to him and he was smiling, actually smiling. I bite my lip and looked towards the ground while Cay pulled me along. I looked back up hoping it was only my mind playing tricks on me, but I was wrong. He was still smiling and I felt my heart break; this was the end.

“Okay everyone to their places. Frankie, to the front of the alter!” Cay yelled in my ear bringing everyone’s attention towards us. I bite my lip and looked everywhere but towards Gerard. I watched as Frankie hurried to the front and all the boys were pairing off with their girls. Mikey with Zanira, Cay with Bob and Andy with Ray; leaving Gerard and I together. I took a deep breath and met Gerard halfway, joining the other couples. I could not look him in the eyes, it hurt too much.

“Are you okay?” I heard him and it was the first time in days since I heard his voice. It brought me to my knees leaving me wanting more. I looked up at him and I knew he knew something was wrong. He knew what was wrong because I know he could feel it too. He slowly walked over towards me while my eyes turned back to glassy. I felt this hand on my cheek, feeling his smooth skin against mine. I melted my face against his hand and close my eyes, “I miss you.”

“I missed you too,” I whisper back and open my eyes. I noticed that everyone was in line and were ready to go. I took a deep breath and pulled away from him, stopping my heart from falling fast. We hurried over into the line and took our place after Zanira and Mikey and before Bob and Cay. I sigh and turned around to see her smile hopefully at her. She nodded for me to face forward and that’s what I did as I felt Gerard grab my hand. I looked down at our intertwined fingers and felt the sparks shooting up from my finger tips. I looked back up at him and he smile sadly. The music began and we started off towards the isle.



The wedding was beautiful and Nikki was the most perfect bride. She looked amazing with her dress on and her hair done the way it was. The dress was an old Victorian style dress but with a modern flare with slight touches of light purple with the cream white. Her hair was down and some of it was in a hippy style braids. Most people would never think that it would work together, but Nikki could pull off anything. I know during the wedding I was about to lose it a few times, but I kept it together. It was like watching Gerard and I get married again and every once in a while I would look over at Gerard and see the tears in his eyes. All I wanted to do was run over to him and wrap my arms around him, but even know that was so hard to do. I had no idea why he was getting emotional, was it that he wanted me like I wanted him, or was he sad that things were ending between us? I looked back at Frankie and saw the happiness plastered across his face and it killed me to see Nikki actually get emotional. It seemed like the ceremony went on forever with my emotions getting tossed around, but it really was a short amount of time.

I was now walking in the house where the reception was being held. Everyone was inside as it was getting dark outside, which was weird because it was going to be a beautiful day out. I looked around to find someone I could stand with until I looked over at Gerard who was leaning against the empty doorframe. I sigh and knew I had to talk to him soon. This was the perfect time to talk to him, we were alone and everyone else were getting a drink or taking pictures of this joyous day. I slowly made my way over towards him and I felt a different pit in my stomach, almost like an omen for something bad. I kept turning my head waiting for evil to jump at me and take me down. But all I saw were happy couples and guest enjoying themselves. Once I got closer to Gerard, an image came back to my mind and I remembered I had to tell Gerard something but never go to. Then it hit me, my mom.

“Gerard,”I said rather loudly and he looked at me urgently. I looked up at him and then looked around in the crowd. I heard him behind me and pull on my arm.

“Ana. Ana, what is going on?” he asked scared of the answer.

“I had a dream; a really bad dream. I need to find my mother quick!” I said and pushed my way through the crowd hoping I was not too late. I would get through a massive amount of people but would only get blocked by another group of individuals that I did not recognize. Finally I watched as Gerard moved in front of me answering the pleading eyes I was sending him. Once he was in front of him, he grabbed my and forcefully pushed and pulled me through the crowd of people. Soon enough we made it out into the hallway where we saw Alexander.

“Father, have you seen Carrie?” Gerard asked him and pulled me closer to him. I felt this sense of protection that I had not felt since Lestat was still alive.

“Ahh!” I heard a scream, and then the lights cut out. I grabbed hold of Gerard’s arm, and he held me tight. Suddenly the lights started to flicker and we saw Zanira standing in the doorway, covered in blood. I started to panic and I quickly ran towards her with everyone behind me. I pushed past her as Mikey wrapped her in his arms. Once I got out into the dark night sky, I watched in horror at the scene before me. My mother was lying down motionless on the cold concrete. I got to my knees next to her and grabbed her hand. She was ice cold and I scanned her body. She was stabbed in the stomach and someone had done something horrible to her head. It was cut along the side and pull slightly apart. At her neck, there were two small circle wounds, which only meant a vampire had committed this horrible act. I stood up just as Gerard had pushed his way through the crowd forming around me and my mother. He stood in awe and then at me. He moved quickly towards me and wrapped me in his arms. I felt a wave of sadness and terror wash over me and I cried into his shoulders. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he held me closer, “We will find who did this; I promise.”