Run Baby Run

So now I was left to myself no distractions and nothing to do. I wondered around my house aimlessly for the next hour stopping here and there to make small conversation with my parents I knew I was really bored when I was spending time with my parents.

“Maree you got a package in the mail from your new school its just all text books and a list of stuff you need to buy can you come grab it and take it into your room” my mum yelled from the kitchen.
It was only then that I realised I only had few days left of holidays and I dint know whether this was good or bad at least if I was at school there would be stuff to distract me from this gut wrenching feeling that Josh had left me with. But school… I knew no one and no one likes school.

I spent the next couple days at home and walked down to the skate park a few times looking for Josh as he wouldn’t pick up his phone and I was too scared to go straight to his house. On Friday I decided to go to the shops and buy some new clothes I had around $200 birthday money to spend and decided that now was the perfect time to spend it.
I ended up buying a new Hurley t-shirt and a little black dress that was just adorable

I got home and was thinking about Josh why I felt so connected to him in such a short amount of time it was as though I loved him. Hang on back up a second did I love him? I questioned myself profusely not knowing what my answer was. I decided my safest option was to stop thinking altogether so instead I got my beads out to make a new bracelet I found my beads with letters printed on them and decided I didn’t know what I was going to write and to just go with it.
I came up with *I*THINK*I*LOVE*YOU
How come I could never run from my feelings they always came out in some way. So I tied it up and left it on my night stand not knowing what I was going to do with it and went to sleep.
The next morning I woke and decided that I would give it to him. But I didn’t know how I didn’t just want to hand it to him I couldn’t do that I didn’t have enough courage to do that so I settled on just putting it in his letter box. He would have to check it eventually especially as his parents were still out of town for a couple more weeks.

So that was what I would do, I would just casually walk past his house slip it in his mail box and hope for the best I know your thinking what a fucken idiot. Yea I don’t blame you that was what I was thinking as well.
I got up and got dresses sorting myself out, thinking it is now or never walked to his house put it in his mail box before catching a bus to the shops. I needed to get Josh off my mind and my stomach I had butterflies ever since I left him the bracelet and I needed them to go away.
At the shops I was almost done searching for school supplies when I ran into Hayden.

“Hey” I gave him a questioning look as if to ask if he hated me as well
“Hey” he replied with a small smile and I knew he didn’t hate me
“How have you been?” but really I was asking how Josh had been and he knew it
“He’s been okay….well no actually Maree he’s been mopping around…a lot”
“I am sorry…you know I didn’t even know what I was doing and it didn’t mean anything”
“I’m sorry too I was the one who supplied you with the alcohol and I’ve tried to blame it on me so he would talk to you again…but”
“This is so not your fault Hayden its mine”
“Well I have to go because im late but you need to know he really does like you Maree you just hurt him a little you know and he has been hurt a lot in the past”
My face dropped it was as if he had thrown a rock at my heart and I didn’t know what to say, so I just nodded and he gave me a quick apologetic hug before he left me.

I went home and laid out my beads for the second time in 24 hours and decided I needed to make another bracelet this time I came up with
*I*LOVE*YOU
Okay can someone just kill me now? Please. I didn’t even know how this happened. How do you become so attached to someone in such a small space of time? I really didn’t know the answer to that question.