Afraid To Know What Lies Behind The Stare


Five more minutes. Just five more minutes and I'll be able to vent to Elliot about him. Then I'll be able to go home, grab a root beer, and put Billie Jean in the speakers I got for Christmas and blast Kerplunk!. Then I will feel better.

I am interrupted from my reverie when someone starts playing with my hair. Which is pissing me off (the desired effect, I'm sure) because I hate it when people mess with my hair! Especially when I style it to look awesome.

"What now, Damien?" I ask him with a testy tone to my voice.

"Whatever are you talking about, Lake?" He responds in an I-know-what-you're-talking-about-but-I'm-going-to-deny-it-just-to-piss-you-off voice, with his hand still running through my hair.

Hey, that kinda feels good-

No! What the hell are you thinking?! VIGILANCE! Constant vigilance! Do not let him in! I repeat, DO NOT LET HIM IN! He is an asshole, and you hate him with every fiber of your being!

Thank you, revenge seeking, prone-to-anger side of my brain! Where would I be without you?

Heartbroken and needy, that's where!

I sigh in exasperation. Having this guy follow me around for the next few weeks will really try my patience. Not to mention my self-control.

He takes his hand away from my hair and says,"Where are we going to go?"


He rolls his eyes, "You have to show me around, remember? God, you're stupid."

"I'm not stupid! I'm just a bit slow today."

He looks like he's about to say something to bring me down but I cut him off.

"I have ADHD asshole. So if I act slow, you'll know why."

"Oh. Well, you still have to show me around, sweetcheeks."

I'll give him one thing, he's persistant. Persistantly getting on my nerves.

"Why are you such a jerk to me?! What the hell did I ever do to make you hate me?" I explode.

He slowly leaned towards me, and whispered,"You exist," in my ear, and then pulls away smirking and giving me the stare from this morning.

For some reason, that really hurt me, deep. Which is strange, because I usually let that kind of stuff roll off my back. There's just something about Damien that makes me want him to like me, even though he seems to hate me and I (supposedly?) return the feeling. In the words of Elvis, I'm all shook up. Why do I care what he thinks about me? This is going against all that I am.

Signs of my internal struggle must have shown on my face because Damien looked at me sharply. And then he did one of the single most hurtful things anyone could have done at that point. He laughed cruelly, mercilessly, and soullessly.

I never quite understood the phrase "saved by the bell" until then. I scooped up my things and ran like a bat outta hell form the school building. Screw my locker, I'll just do my homework tomorrow.

I pull Billie Jean out of my bag and blast "One Of My Lies". I sigh in happiness from the song, and frustration because of how much my life sucks right now.

Nah, I'm more angry than rebellious, let's play Nimrod. I change it, when I hear footsteps behind me.

Expecting Damien, I turn around to find Elliot. Oh thank God!

I pull out an earbud and say,"Oh my God, Ells! I had the worst day ever!"

"Was it worse than this morning?"she asks, walking next to me.

I fill her in on all that happened today. When I'm finished, she looks at me with a mixture of shock and sympathy. "That does suck. I'm sorry Chris," she hugs me while saying this.

We made up those nicknames for each other when we met, three years ago.

"I don't know what I would do without you, Ells."

"Wither away from neglect," she jokes. Which would be true, except for Damien.

She sees the Damien-must-die look on my face and says,"Try to forget about him, Chris."

"it's kinda hard when I'm supposed to show him around for an indefinite amount of time," I sulk.

"At least he's hot."

I look at her in disbelief and say, "Your pervertedness never ceases to amaze me, Ells," while shaking my head.

I put "Mama's Boy" by The Ramones on.

"Bye, hun," Elliot says as she hugs me goodbye. We live two blocks away from each other.

I walk the remaining blocks to my house, with more Ramones songs on Billie Jean. When I get home I tell my mom about everything that happened. She was a little disappointed about the whole listening to my iPod in class thing, but she agrees that Damien is a demon from hell. I love my mom because she cares and accepts my weirdness. That's where I got it from.

I go to my room after grabbing a can of root beer. I plug Billie Jean into my speakers and play Kerplunk!.

I lay on my bed as I listen to the music and close my eyes.

The music calms me and neutralizes my anger.