Where Do I Begin? All I Know Is Gone

My first day at work went surprisingly fast, although there were a few annoying customers to deal with - namely Matt and Jay, who decided I just couldn't make it through my shift without their presence. I knew telling there where I was working was a mistake the second the name of the bakery slipped past my lips, but by then it was too late.

They used the pretence of buying some treats for the kids, and to tell me the official pre-tour party was being held at Jay's, just in case Padge hadn't informed me. They must've forgotten the last ten or so calls they'd made to the house over the past few days to make sure we had the supplies ready for them to pick up.

Men, they just don't do subtlety, do they? Well, these ones didn't anyway.

As much as they were annoying, they were making my life in Wales fun and I wasn't looking forward to their departure the next morning. I was a little worried I'd be heading back into my insomnia and slight depression without the distraction Padge brought. Sure, I now had a job to keep me occupied a little, but that wasn't going to help me out at night when I'd be alone with just my thoughts and memories to haunt me.

x

Conor had been popping into my head a little less frequently each day, from the point where my mind would automatically go to him when it had nothing else to think about, to now only appearing when something triggered a memory. I still missed him, missed the all night text conversations where we talked about anything that flowed through our fingers onto the keypad of our phones. The messages asking if I was ok because he hadn't heard from me that day, the simple 'I miss you' or 'I love you'.

The ache in my chest was still present, the most obvious of my symptoms I guess you could say. It's odd that though our brain controls our emotions, at times like this our sorrow manifests itself as pain in our heart's general area. It's an anomaly that has interested me since my first heartbreak as a teenager.

Sitting on my bed, draped only in a towel, while mulling over those thoughts is where Padge found me that evening. Apparently he'd gotten sick of getting no reply as he yelled up the stairs that he was ready to go whenever I was ready.

A hand waving itself in my face was what brought me back to reality. "What?" I asked dazed, still not completely with it.

Padge gave a small chuckle at my behaviour, but repeated himself none the less. When I still made no effort to move he even went as far as rummaging through my clothes, choosing out a nice pair of jeans and a low cut top I'd bought during one of my trips to Cardiff. What finally got me to move was his attempted search through my underwear. I'm not sure why that affected me, since he'd seen most of it before anyway, but it did. It probably wasn't a bad thing that I kicked him out after that either. He'd become a lot less shy after our first few nights together.

Throwing on the clothes I mentally commended Padge on his choices, put on my boots and then ran into the bathroom to do my makeup. Normally I wear nothing, I don't see the point in wasting time that I could be spending in my bed, but since this was a bit of an occasion I decided I could make an effort. Eyeliner, mascara and eye shadow were shakily applied, I probably should practice more, and finally a layer of dark red lipstick, the only shade I owned. It looked good on me though, so I didn't see the need for anything else.

Twirling in front of Padge, his smile showed approval before he could speak his compliments. "You look great Justy. It's a little strange seeing you like that," he laughed as he got to his feet.

Before he could head towards the door I pulled him into a quick hug, "Thanks for picking my outfit. I know Jay's gunna have some comment about my boobs hanging out though." The top wasn't actually that bad, it only showed a safe amount of cleavage, but Jay being Jay wouldn't be able to keep his mouth shut about the lack of my usual t-shirt if he kept to form.

"That's why I chose it," Padge winked while quickly escaping my grasp, knowing he'd get a whack for that quip. "You've got a great chest, you should show it off!"

Let me just say he's lucky he was already out to the road while I was stuck having to lock the door. I contemplated going back inside just to piss him off, but then the time spent doing my face would've been a complete waste, and that was worse than a few laughs at my expense.

"Don't forget I know where you live punk! It might not still be here when you get back." The threat was twinned with my most innocent smile, something that had always gotten me out of trouble with my parents. For some reason I was their little angel and could do no wrong, apparently that included lying to them because I wasn't caught once. Jamyn hated me for that, since he was always being grounded. I tried to help him out when I could, but the boy just couldn't pull off innocence.

Padge let me catch up to him then, eyes narrowed in suspicion. "You wouldn't do anything, you love me too much." He broke into a grin as his arm found its way around my shoulders, pulling me into his side with such unexpected force I stumbled for a few steps. "Anyway, you'd be out of a home then too."

"Eh, I'm not worried," I shrugged as well as I could under the weight of his arm. "Bailey said if you hadn't asked me to move in with you she woulda had me stay with her at Matt's. I'd be sorted," I teased, patting his stomach a couple of times for added effect.