Where Do I Begin? All I Know Is Gone

Padge's POV

The first day of tour was hard. All that happened was being stuck in the bus while we travelled up to Glasgow, we didn't even have a show that night to look forward to. That first day, all you tend to do is think about the people you just left behind. I guess this time around I had it a little easier than the other guys, not having kids or a partner to miss, but that sense of loss and loneliness was as persistent this time as any other.

I mostly sat in the back of the bus smoking, watching everyone else in their activities, feeling no desire to join in. I was content with slipping back towards my depression. Why couldn't Jay have been successful in his kidnapping attempt? At least then I'd have someone to share my misery with. Well, not that I was miserable with Justice around. She made things easier, I'm not sure how. Maybe it was because I didn't have to pretend everything was ok, she already knew everything I was going through.

Trying to get to sleep I debated calling Justice. It had become a habit to talk ourselves to sleep, something a little healthier than drinking. Would she have gone back to that method? I didn't want it to feel like I was checking up on her though.

Before I could think any more my phone was vibrating on the mattress below me, having still been set to silent from the night before. Justice's name flashed at me from the screen, bringing a smile as I reached to answer the call.

"Hey Justy," I spoke quietly, not wanting to disturb anyone else.

"Hi Padge. How's it going?"

It wasn't like she needed to hear that I'd done nothing all day, so I embellished a little. "It's going ok. I hate waiting for the first show though. Our opening band seem like pretty cool kids." They were still mostly teenagers, so kids was appropriate enough of a term. And they did seem cool; we'd met up with them for a drink earlier, after they arrived.

"Sounds like it should be a good tour for you then, huh? Who's the band? Probably no one I've heard of," she laughed. I always found it cute when she rambled on like that. Most people make it annoying, sounding like they only want to hear their own voice, but there was an honesty and naivety to Justice's habit.

"Black Tide, they're from the states. Ring any bells?"

She chuckled a little while she answered, "Nope, not that that's a shocker. My bro probably knows of them."

From there we lapsed into small talk, laughing at Jay's failed efforts and Justice told me about how she spent the rest of the day exploring Ponty with Ian as her guide. He even took her round to his Mam's place, introducing the two women and thoroughly embarrassing Justy with his recount of her tale from the previous evening.

I was happy that I'd had the chance to tell Ian about her. When he'd questioned Rhosyn's absence and my apparent closeness to Justice it was easier to just get the whole story out. It hurt having to talk about how Rho had left me, aside from that first night when I told the band and my parents I hadn't actually spoken about the situation in anything but vagueness. But once I explained how Justice had been left to fend for herself after going through essentially the same thing, it was apparent he shared our sense of wanting to help her. It was hard to see how anyone wouldn't want to have her around them, especially after getting to know her better.

"So, I hope you don't mind that I called," she spoke hesitantly after we'd talked for around an hour. Time just seemed to fly when we hung out, and even though we were in different countries that effect still occurred.

Cue embarrassed chuckle. "Actually, I was debating whether you'd mind me calling you when you saved me from having to make the decision." Now that I'd said it out loud I felt like such a fool.

Justice laughed with me, only adding to the redness that was creeping over my cheeks. "Aww Padgie, you know you can talk to me any time you want. I'm gunna miss not having you here to hug whenever I want, but hopefully you wont get sick of my voice." I was about to protest, say that would be impossible (how cheesy does that sound?), but she cut me off, "You can just fob me off to Jay if that happens though, I'd love to annoy him for a while."

"Did you notice he actually got some of your clothes on the bus incase he was successful?"

"He did? Really? How did you find out? I figure he'd be one to hide all evidence of a failed plot."

Usually she'd be right, Jay didn't like being upstaged, but I guess he never really planned on succeeding and had only done any of it for a laugh. "He stashed them in my bunk, hope you don't mind missing them for a while."

I'd gone to crash, get out of the hussle for a few minutes and sleep off a bit more of my hangover, but the mattress had been lumpy as hell. Pulling back the covers I found a few t-shirts, some jeans, cargo shorts and familiar pairs of purple, blue and green underwear that all belonged to my housemate. I didn't even want to think about when he'd ventured into burglary.

"That bastard better make it up to me when we see you in Cardiff. Hmm, actually he'd be a prime candidate for that prank I was telling you about. I'd wanna be there to witness the carnage though."

We kept talking for another hour or so, until we were both yawning uncontrollably and trailing off in the middle of sentences.

Night one alone had gone pretty smoothly, here's to hoping the rest would follow suit.