I Hope They Taste of Me Forever

I didn’t want to talk to anyone.

Can you blame me? I’m not stupid, and I know I’m the biggest bitch about this part of town when I’m in a bad mood. And fuck, I was in a bad mood. Not only was I angry, but I was sad. I was really fucking sad.

Family. It’s always been that one last connection. Families are supposed to love each other, care for each other, forgive each other. Well, my family is clearly dysfunctional. My brother was the only family I had left, and he disowned me. It cut deep, and stung like the cut had been doused in ancient alcohol. Well fuck him. I don’t need a moody brother who’ll sell me for his vengeful reputation. I have another family. A better family.

Even if I refuse to talk to any member of said family at the moment.

It was for their own good. If I talked to them, I’d just piss them off even more. I knew I would. I have no idea why they’ve dealt with me for this long. So I didn’t talk to them. I didn’t try to scare away the only people I have left. I locked myself away. Eventually it would be safe to come out, but that time was not now.

Why couldn’t everyone else see that?

I expected that if anyone was going to pester me about being antisocial then it would be Hunter. He hadn’t been here for as long, and he didn’t know quite how nasty I can be when I want to be. But the others must have warned him, because after one or two attempts to get me to open up he just let me dwell in my misery alone. Thank god.

And then there’s those who I’ve known for well over a year now and should know exactly when to let well enough be, but of course things don’t always work that way with Pete. Seriously, just because he’s a fucking vampire doesn’t mean he’s any exception to my bitchiness. If anything, I just lash out at him more. And still, he doesn’t take the fucking hint.

“Get the fuck out of my room!” I screamed, rage burning and smouldering in my eyes.

“Elle…”

Oh, I bet he thought he was so fucking in control with that calm, collected voice. Well fuck him.

“I said get out!”

Did he just roll his eyes at me? Like this is entertaining or something? What a bastard.

“Elle, you’re being stupid and childish. I just want to…”

“I don’t give a shit what you want, I want you to get out and leave me alone!”

I knew my throat would kill me tomorrow, but I didn’t care. I just wanted him to get the picture. For effect, I picked up a china plate on my floor and hurled it at his head. He dodged it, of course, but the smash and shattering pieces falling against the wall were satisfyingly dramatic.

“Elle, please, don’t make me…”

“Make you what? Make you bite me? Make you drain me? Kill me? Turn me into one of you? I dare you. I double dare you. Go on, Pete, why don’t you fucking do it?!”

I watched angrily as his eyes skidded over the mess on my floor, eventually landing on a pile of differently shaped glass bottles with varying labels, a collection of amber-coloured drops remaining in the bottom of one. He nodded towards them, and I crossed my arms defensively over my chest.

“Did you drink all those?”

“What’s your point?”

“Oh fuck, Elle, how drunk are you right now?”

“You really wanna know?” I sneered. “Well I’ve just polished off my third tequila bottle in two days, and I can’t remember the last time I didn’t have a mind-fucking headache throbbing for about a mile behind my eyeballs, which feel like they’re bleeding, by the way, and…”

“Jesus Christ,” he cut me off, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Elle, when are you going to get the guts to fucking talk about what happened?”

“Don’t you fucking swear at me!”

A drunken hypocrite, perhaps, but whatever. I never said I was a saint. It’s not like he paid any attention anyway.

“It’s been three fucking weeks, Elle! Twenty-one miserable-ass days since we ran into your crack-head brother, and you’ve become a semi-sociopath. You haven’t left your room, you haven’t showered, you haven’t talked to anyone with the exception of swearing at them and telling them to leave you alone, and we’ve all had enough of your psycho-bitch bullshit! You’re acting like a five year-old!”

“Five year-olds don’t have this level of alcohol tolerance, asshole,” I retorted.

“You call that tolerance? You’re one step shy of insanity, you look like shit, and I know you feel like shit. So why don’t you stop this loser act, because it’s not doing anyone any good. Fucking hell, I wanted to come in here to actually thank you, and now I just don’t think I can do it.”

“Well who’s not strong enough now?”

“Go to hell.”

“No thanks, you’re there.”

He stormed out of my room, slamming the door. I smirked for about five minutes to myself before breaking down into tears.

My whole body was taken over by the vicious sobs, the racking breaths, the stinging tears. It was the first time I’d cried in the three weeks that Pete said I’d been locked away in my room. It was the first time I’d ever cried so hard, so violently, with the possible exclusion of my parents’ death. It hurt to cry, but it hurt so much more to hold it in, so I let the rivers flow down my face and neck. I didn’t even care if Pete heard every tear splash onto my jeans, turning the denim the darkest shade of blue. In fact, I wanted him to hear. I wanted him to feel the tiniest brush of guilt. I wanted him to know that he was one of the reasons I was crying. I wanted him to know how much I fucking hated him.

I wanted him to know how much I really didn’t.

***

I got out of my room a bit more after that. I still didn’t talk much, unless someone asked me a direct question, but I became a bit healthier. I didn’t scream like a crazy woman or bite anyone’s head off when they tried to talk to me. My voice came out monotonously, my face remained blank with accentuating dull grey eyes. I think it might have hurt Hunter a bit. I didn’t know what he did or who he spoke to without me. I felt bad about that, but what was I to say? I just wasn’t ready yet for everything to return to the way it was before.

I stopped the heavy drinking; in fact I stopped drinking altogether. If Pete told anyone else about the alcohol consumption, it didn’t show, but with all our screaming they probably heard it all anyway. I ate more, I ate healthier, and I regulated my visits to the training room. I trained by myself, without Andy or Joe or Pete’s help. I couldn’t stand the idea of Pete’s help.

I tried to avoid him altogether. Whenever he entered the room, I left it. I never looked him in the eye; only at the floor when he passed me in the corridors. He didn’t try to speak to me, and I didn’t try to speak to him. He might as well have been a ghost. Or, more probably, it was I who was the ghost.

I don’t know how long it was after our big fight that Pete and I spoke again. A week, maybe two. Time is a fickle matter, really. Or so it seemed at the time. I was in the training room, beating the shit out of a punching bag. I never liked punching bags, actually, but they were a damn good outlet for anger and frustration.

And let’s face it, I was still very angry and frustrated.

Both Hunter and Patrick had tried to talk to me that day, but I’d icily asked them to give me some more time by myself. They were smart enough to graciously agree, but I knew that they were worried and sending them away let a tiny sliver of guilt emerge into my heart. I tried to push that away, though, and just punched the tough blue shape even harder. That was when Pete decided to make his grand entrance. I knew he knew I knew he was there, but I didn’t give him the satisfaction of turning around. I kept my focus entirely on my punches. The bitch just waited until I was tired and breathing heavily. He didn’t even say anything. And even though I knew it was what he wanted, I spoke first when I heard a slight chuckle under his breath.

“What?” I snapped, turning a cold glare on him.

Of course, it didn’t affect him in the slightest.

“Oh nothing,” he said airily. “It’s just kind of funny seeing how much you’ve changed. When I first rescued you, you were a helpless little girl detached from the world who was too afraid to say what you thought. Now you’re a strong prize-winning bitch. It’s amusing.”

What an asshole. That stung a bit and he knew it. I’m a vampire hunter, and I’ve killed a lot, but I’ve never wanted to kill anyone as much as I wanted to kill him. But I knew that no matter how much hatred I held, I would never be able to kill him. I knew him too well.

“Yeah, it should be on the fucking comedy channel it’s so hilarious,” I said sarcasm seeping through my teeth. “Is that all you wanted? Because frankly, I don’t like you and I don’t want to deal with you right now.”

Instead of the witty quip that I expected in return, he was quiet. His silence made me turn to look at him, and a few moments later he spoke, his voice almost soft but also gruff.

“I really do mean it. The thank you, I mean. You stood up to your brother for me, and I say this begrudgingly but you kind of saved me. So, uh, I’m not very good with the whole apology thing, but, uh, thanks, I guess.”

I narrowed my eyes, searching for any hint of mockery in his face. If this was one of his silly little games designed to mess with my head... well, I don’t know what I’d do, but it wouldn’t be pretty.

“I mean it, Elle. I swear this isn’t a joke or anything.”

I was cautious, but I couldn’t find anything to disprove what he was saying. I couldn’t bring myself so be polite and say ‘you’re welcome’, so I just grunted a bit and nodded at him before turning back and giving the punching bag a weak blow. I expected him to leave after that, but he wasn’t quite as bright as Hunter and Patrick when it came to this situation.

“And I’m sorry, Elle. I’m sorry about your brother.”

I snarled, but he couldn’t see my face.

“What is there to be sorry for? He’s a dickhead.”

“But he’s your brother. And essentially, he was right. You chose us over him. That means more than any of us could ever explain. We’re sorry that it ended up costing you your brother.”

“Yeah, well whatever. Stop pitying me. I don’t need my big brother to hold my hand anymore, and I don’t need people mourning my oh-so-tragic loss.”

When he spoke again, I could detect the anger easily and it made me smile.

“God, can’t you stop being a selfish bitch for five fucking minutes?! I’m trying to do the right thing, here. I’m pushing away my fucking pride to give sincerity a chance and you’re just shoving it right back in my face!”

“Oh wow. Swearing at me in the middle of your gratitude and apology? You’re a real charmer, you know that?”

I took off the boxing glove and tossed it to the other side of the room, whirling around to face him. I was happy to see that his face was red, and I half expected steam to pour from his ears any minute. If I was to be perfectly honest, I missed this. Sure, I’d argued with him fiercely the other day, but I was too overcome by rage to actually enjoy it. Now, however, it was a game that we hadn’t played in too long.

“Well, glad to see my charms are working on you. You’re so fucking impossible! All I wanted to do was try to get things back on track, try to get you to feel better, but now it’s like we never made any progress at all!”

“Progress at what?” I yelled back. “Progress in myself, or progress at whatever fucked up friendship there is between us? Let’s just face it, we hate each other. How we’re on the same side is still unclear. We’re just not compatible. It was a stupid mistake to think we could ever get along.”

“Well yeah, I guess it was. You’ve got too many fucking issues…”

“I have too many issues?!” I yelled incredulously. “You’re the fucking vampire with about a hundred others out to get you!”

“And you’re still just a kid, too blind to see that every friend you’ve ever had has let you down! Unless you let them down first, of course…”

“How dare you!” I screamed. “You know nothing about me!”

“I know enough! Remember Travis McCoy?” I flinched. “And now your brother. God, what a lovely little family reunion that was…”

“My brother is a grade-A asshole! He hasn’t treated me like family since our parents died! For years, I was his invisible accomplice, luring vampires into his traps. I never even realized the danger I was in, because I always assumed he’d be able to handle it. And then we were captured by the fucking Dandies, and I realized how inadequate my brother really was. He left me to die, and feels not a hint of remorse. He may have said he disowned me, but I haven’t had any family for five years!”

My screaming had only increased, and the gap between Pete and I had been cut in half. There were only four feet separating us now. I couldn’t decide if it was a good thing or a bad thing that everyone else that lived with us had grown so accustomed to our fights that they never bothered to interfere anymore. Although, I did think I heard them talking about going out for supplies today… maybe they weren’t even here. Like I said, I hadn’t really paid them much attention.

“Boo-fucking-hoo,” he sneered. “Aren’t you strong enough to deal with that yet?”

Ooh. Low blow.

“Says the whiny bitch complaining because I wouldn’t graciously accept his thanks and pity? What are you, a girl?”

“What are you, a guy?”

“You wish. I always thought you were gay.”

“Now who’s childish?”

I ignored him. I was ranting, I knew, but it felt good to lash out.

“You fucked any of the others yet? I bet you screwed Beckett, that’s why he wants you back so bad.”

“Oh, how did you figure it out?” his words were soaked in sarcasm. We were both good at that skill.

“I’m just smarter than you.”

“Wow, great comeback, Elle. Tell me, how long have you waited for the opportunity to use that one?”

“Way too long.”

He rolled his eyes in what I assume was annoyance, and I immaturely stuck my tongue out at him.

And before I could fully comprehend what was happening, the space between us closed and he’d caught my tongue between his teeth in a rough, hard kiss.

Of course, I wasn’t thinking straight, but even when I did return to my senses I didn’t stop kissing him back. I may not have realized it until that very second, but I’d wanted this for a long time now. My arms wasted no time in locking around his neck, forcing his lips to continue moving against mine. That wasn’t exactly a necessity, however; he clearly didn’t intend on stopping any time soon. His strong arms wrapped around my waist, his calloused fingers rubbing the exposed skin of my back between the hem of my t-shirt and the waistband of my black leggings. He dragged me with him across the room so he could kick the door shut and bolt it before pressing me up against the wood and letting his hands wander. I pried our lips apart and coaxed his head back so that my mouth could work on his neck. Time really was meaningless now.

I never expected to find myself making out with Pete, of all people! But now that I was here, everything felt like it was falling into place. Betrayal, friendship, family, vampires, none of it meant anything anymore. For the first time in too long, it all felt right.