I Hope They Taste of Me Forever

I really am stupid.

You would’ve thought after all these years that I would’ve learnt how to deal with my moody brother and his reactions, but oh no. I foolishly ignore all warning signs painted on my eyelids and go ahead and do whatever I want. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

After our fight, Matt didn’t even speak to me. Hell, he didn’t usually do that anyway. He didn’t even look at me. Well, I saw him looking at me once or twice, but when I saw him I instantly wished I hadn’t. He’d look at me with such loathing, such disgust that made me feel like less than the dirt on the bottom of his shoes. It was always over the simplest of things, too. The time I saw so much disgust and annoyance in him was when I accidentally spilt my cereal over the bench. I heard a ‘ugh’ grunt from him, and looked up to meet his scowl and dark eyes. 'Ever heard the expression ‘no use crying over spilt milk’' Oh wow. My wit knows no boundaries. But seriously, who gets that annoyed at something so simple? My brother, that’s who.

The second time he looked at me was when we were out hunting. It was pretty uneventful. The same as the last time, minus Travis and the pre-killing ‘pep talk’.We had He had finished off two groups of punk vampires and we were on the lookout for another. I let my mind wonder, as I do far too often, and seeing as I wasn’t paying attention to the ground in front of me I tripped over a small rock that was oh-so-conveniently lying in the middle of the sidewalk. I swear, nature’s against me. But I don’t blame it; I’m not exactly its best friend. Anyway, I fell down face first to the concrete with a small groan, grazing the palms of my hands as I held them in front of my face. Matt, who was walking a step ahead of me as always, turned around to see what had happened. I glanced up from the ground to see him rolling his hateful eyes and continue walking, not even bothering to check if anything was alright or if I needed help getting up. 'Asshole.'

These two incidents, however, were minor annoyances compared to the main reason I am the world’s stupidest person. Okay, so I guess you’ve picked up on the fact that my brother was majorly pissed at me. I’d say he was on the edge of the knife. A smart person would know not to do anything to aggravate him even more when he’s at breaking point. But like I said, I am not a smart person.

So first of all, there’s something else about me that I haven’t yet mentioned. Regardless of the fact that vampires ruined my life, regardless of the fact that my brother spends every waking moment plotting revenge against all vampires, regardless of the fact that I watch them die every night, vampires fascinate me. Everything about them. How they survive, how they look, how they feel, how they die. I want to know everything there is to know about them. Living by Matt Williams’ rules makes this especially difficult.

I think I might have mentioned Matt’s favourite quote; “The less you know, the less you’ll get hurt.” Well roughly translated from Matt-code to English, this means “Don’t poke your nose in where you’re not wanted. Just do what I tell you.” He’s so rude to me anyway; I don’t understand why he wouldn’t just say that. Maybe he’s actually conned himself into being convinced that it’s better for me to be oblivious to what my whole life is now centered around. Whatever.

He’d never admit it to me, but I don’t think Matt knows very much about vampires himself. I think the extent of his knowledge comes down to two things: one, they killed our parents and two, how to kill them. Oh, and that one of their names is Travis. That’s it.

Okay, so I exaggerate a little bit. We both know a bit about their groups and stuff, but that’s pretty much it.

It was about a week after our fight. Things hadn’t gotten any better. It was around midday and I couldn’t sleep. I had been lying in bed for hours, and I was sick of it, so I got up and walked to the kitchen area. I was searching through the fridge for something, anything that could stop me from thinking.

'Carrot, no. Milk, no. Broccoli, I think not. Eggs, eww. What is with Matt and all this health food? Beetroot, no. Fudge, yes please!'

I took the container of fudge from the top shelf and turned around, and nearly had a heart attack when I saw someone sitting on the couch. At first I thought it was Matt, but it wasn’t. I could hear Matt’s snoring from the other room. As I walked the few steps to turn the light on without moving my eyes, I heard a quiet chuckle from the figure. I switched on the light, and gasped at the familiarperson vampire sitting in the chair, a book in his hands.

“Travis,” I said flatly. Is it strange that I was feeling no strong emotion at this moment?

“Hello beautiful,” he smiled. Not an evil smile. It was almost sincere. Almost.

I waited for him to speak. Well what the hell was I supposed to say?

“Interesting book your brother’s got here,” he said casually, waving the book towards me. I didn’t even notice what it was.

“What are you doing here, Travis?”

“Call me Travie, please. Travis is so… formal.”

“Fine then,” I huffed. “What are you doing here Travie?”

“What, I can’t pop in every now and then to see my favourite human?” he joked. If you could call it a joke.

“Favourite human?” I scoffed. “You’ve met me once. And how did you get here? It’s the middle of the day.”

“Well first of all, it’s not the middle of the day anymore. Secondly, I’ve been here since before sunrise,” he told me. “You’re human eyes just can’t always see everything.”

“Don’t speak to me in riddles.” I narrowed my eyes at him. In a moment, he’d crossed the room and was standing behind me, holding me the same way he held me in the alley.

“How would you like me to speak to you, then?” he breathed in my ear. He spun around so he was facing me so quickly it made me slightly dizzy. He picked up some of my hair in his fingertips and began playing with it. “We don’t have to speak at all, if you don’t want to.”

He was teasing me. Surely he knew that there was not a chance in hell I’d play along?

“Are you going to try and kiss me?” I asked him bluntly. “Because if you do I will scream and my brother will come in here and turn you into a pile of ash.”

Travie brushed my hair over my shoulder and looked at me.

“As much as I’d like to…” he murmured. “Your brother is not the only one who would take care of me.”

I looked at him, confused.

“I’m just here to check up on you, Elle,” he told me with a sigh, moving away from me. He crossed the room and picked up the book that he had before and passed it to me.

“Really. It’s an interesting book,” he said.

He opened the window beside the couch and shot me one last smile. His eyes confused me. They read sincerity, but they also held a pained expression. Before I knew it, he had leapt out the window. Thankfully, the window was on the side of the apartment block, so he jumped into shade and not sunlight. 'Wait, what?' Thankfully? Why do I care what happens to him? Wouldn’t it be better for him to be burnt by the sun? 'Why is my head going crazy?'

I walked across the room shakily and sat down on the couch that Travie wasn’t sitting on before. What just happened? After a few minutes, I looked down at the book in my hands. It looked old; it was leather bound, about one and a half inches thick, and made primarily of old-fashioned and slightly yellowed parchment instead of paper. On the cover of the book there was just a picture. It looked like it was a symbol of some kind; a bat with a heart in it. For some unexplained reason, it intrigued me. I turned the book on its side so I could see the spine. There was one big word written in black ink on it; Clandestine. Okay, then. There was no author or anything. Just ‘Clandestine’.

I flipped it open to the first page, which was blank. 'Wow, this book’s already living up to its name.' I thought. I flipped over two more pages before I saw writing, written in a somewhat untidy hand. Mildly curious, I began to read.

Sunlight
They cannot leave their sheltered darkness from sun-up to sun-down, for the sun’s strength in light and heat will desecrate their flesh so severely that even their supernatural regenerating powers cannot…

I stopped reading and froze. This book was about vampires. Why did Matt have a book about vampires? Actually, that’s a pretty stupid question. But why did I not know until now? I turned the page, my heart beating three times as fast, to see the next heading.

Holy Water
The pain of something so pure and right making contact with something so otherwise is too much for the creature to bear. Although it cannot actually put an end to the creature, the blessed water will cause enough pain…

I closed the book gently and held it gingerly in my hands. This book could contain all the answers I’ve been looking for. Why did my brother not tell me about it? How long has he had it? How did he find it? Was he ever planning on telling me about it?

I must have sat there for hours, just staring at the bat on the front of the unbelievable book. I was only shaken back to reality by the harsh voice of my brother.

“What are you doing?” he asked stiffly. I looked up at him, and he looked from me to the book.

“Where did you get that?” he shrieked. I looked into his eyes, and I think I saw panic.

“Were you ever going to tell me?” I asked quietly.

“You little brat! You’ve fucking gone through my stuff!” His rage and fury was inescapable. It was smothering me.

“I-I didn’t go through your stuff,” I said before thinking about it.

“Then how the fuck did you get that book?”

'Shit.' Now I had no choice but to tell him.

“I… Uh, Tr-Tr…”

“Spit it out,” he snarled.

“Travis gave it to me,” I said quickly. I winced, knowing what was coming.

“WHAT?” he exploded.

“Travis gave it to me,” I repeated.

“That fucking hood vampire?”

I think you can guess what my brother’s favourite word is.

I nodded timidly.

“Son of a bitch!” he swore again.

I’ll admit, I was afraid. I’d seen my brother angry, but I’d never seen him like this before. Not towards me. He grabbed the book violently out of my hands and glared down at me. All of a sudden I felt empty. I felt lost. That book could have held all the answers to all the questions that have been swirling my brain for so long, and it was taken from me just as suddenly as it found me. I looked up at myangry furious brother with pleading eyes.

“You are never to touch this book again,” he began. He spoke slowly, loudly, and clearly, so I would understand every single word. “You are never to go looking for it. You are never going to read it. You are going to pretend that you know nothing of its existence.”

Everything in me died. I was foolish enough to chase that glimmer of hope, just to be crushed again. The pain was so much worse now. The pain of being ignorant. The pain of curiosity. The pain of emptiness. The pain of knowing that all the pain could be healed by one remedy that I would never have. The pain of hopelessness.

I’m sure as hell my eyes are grey again.