We're Going Live

“Daaaaaaaaaaaa!” Charlie wailed in the background as I shot bolt up right, my eyes wide and glassy whilst I trembled. I reached out for Gerard, instantly throwing myself out of bed when I felt a cold space where he should have been lying, “Daaa!”

“Jeez! I’m here, I’m here!” I heard Gerard laugh from inside Charlie’s room. I ran down the corridor, the floorboards creaking, making the dark corridor seem strangely long and menacing.

I shot into Charlie’s room like a bullet, my arms wrapping themselves around Gerard’s bare waist.

“Whoa!” he chuckled, putting his own arm around my shoulder, “What’s wrong Dolly?” Gerard chuckled, rubbing my back whilst holding Charlie on one hand, “What’s mommy gone and got herself in a state for huh?” he asked, obviously cooing at Charlie.

“Oawhhh!” Charlie squealed as Gerard pushed him into my arms, cooing at Charlie like a baby kitten. He wriggled happily in my clasp, his chubby hand grasping a lock of my hair.

“Oh, no, no, no!” Gerard chuckled, “Don’t eat moms hair,” he grinned, retracting the piece of hair Charlie had began sucking on. My chest was still heaving and my knees felt like jelly so I leant my cheek against Gerard’s chest, snuggling into it to attempt to feel better, “What’s up? I was only in here!” Gerard chuckled, rubbing my back again whilst trying to slip my hair back out Charlie’s awaiting mouth, “I think some ones hungry,” Gerard added.

“I had a bad dream about you –it was horrible,” I said, closing my eyes and trying to calm myself down, “It really scared me.”

“Awh? Dolly, you’re old enough now to know that you live with a nightmare. The ones in your head aren’t really, come ‘ere you silly girl,” he chuckled, resting his chin on top of my head whilst bringing his hand slowly up and down my back, “Mr. Charlie Chubs is hungry –do you want me to go get him a bottle… or what?” Gerard asked, I nodded weakly, jiggling Charlie a little and retracting my hair from his mouth again.

I fell down on the bean bag, putting Charlie on my lap and keeping my knees up so he could fit into the crook between them. He stared at me, his mouth opening in a small ‘o’ again. He twitched urgently and squealed like a baby piglet before falling quiet, looking annoyed that I had responded with Gerard’s usual baby jabber. After a few minutes of just staring blankly at each other Charlie began to eat his hand, his eyes going crossed every few seconds because he found it amusing to see his own nose.

“There we go, do you want to give to him?” Gerard asked, I shook my head and Gerard sighed out, “Come on Doll face, it was a dream you haven’t done anything with Charlie for a while now, y’know it’s bad for you?-“

“Gerard you do it, he likes you better anyways,” I sighed, sinking down in the bean bag and letting my eyes slip shut.

“Daaaa!” Charlie squealed as Gerard lifted him up and off my lap so he could hold him better. I reminded myself Charlie couldn’t speak yet, therefore did not learn how to say ‘dad’.

“So did you have fun with Mikey today?” Gerard asked.

“Yeah, we just watched Dawn of the Dead,” I shrugged, reluctantly taking over Charlie when Gerard placed him smoothly on my legs again, “What did you do today?” I asked, letting him sit above me on the free part of the bean bag. He scratched his ankle and leant back against the wall, hooking his arm around my neck whilst playing with a lock of my hair, “Gerard?”

“Huh? Oh nothing… just stuff. Work stuff. Trekking down this guy to pay up for this horse, ridiculous stuff,” Gerard shrugged, “I would have much rather spent the day with you though,” he said, his hand coming up and putting pressure on my cheek until I looked at him, “Hey what’s up, huh? Your dream isn’t getting to you that much is it? Y’know I hope you don’t turn side kick and it actually comes true!”

“Mm… I think I might go back to bed,” I told him, passing Charlie back to him and trudging back down the hall, my heart managing to calm itself.

I could hear Gerard walking down the hall silently, clicking his tongue as he came back into the room. he hitched his leg up onto the bed and jumped over me, slipping his pyjama bottoms off in the process.

“You okay Doll?,” he asked, wriggling under the covers, “I was only kidding? You know that right?” he asked, sitting up on his elbow and rubbing my ankle with his big toe.

“Sure I do, it just freaked me out, my dream I mean,” I murmured into the darkness, feeling him slip his arm under my waist.

“Yeah, I know dreams can be pretty freaky sometimes, huh?” he said, pulling me into his chest and moving so he was lying half on top me, “I’m not flattening you am I?” He asked, I shook my head and let my hands loosely roll around his neck, “Good…” he murmured, my mind slowing pitching a black tent.