We're Going Live

I walked faster towards the school, my heart pounding thoroughly in my chest. I hate Mikey, I hated him for ruining everything, why couldn’t he just go away? Didn’t he realise that he was the last person I wanted to lay eyes on?

It made me squirm and want to tear at my clothes just thinking about him touching me. The way his breath fell over the shoulder, the way his hands felt on me, the way his stomach felt pressed against mine, the way the sound of his breath fell in low with each second…. I hated it.

I swore under my breath when I felt his presence behind me. I had to turn around though, if I caused a scene then people would notice, Gerard would notice and then hell would let loose. I swallowed deeply, psyching myself up before spinning round, my eyes softening only a little when I saw he looked so un like himself. Nothing was neat about him, he had shaved scrappily and his hair which was usually gelled down was hanging loosely around his face.

“What do you want?” I seethed weakly.

“Ren, please, it wasn’t me. I didn’t film you. Gerard did he put it there, he told me to have sex with you so he could film it and sell it –he did!” Mikey urged, following me down the school corridor.

“Oh what? And you leapt at the fucking chance?” I muttered, not having the guts to be sharp with him.

“No… yes! He said if I didn’t he’d,” Mikey stopped, rubbing his temples as I threw my camera down, glad everyone had left already, “He said he’d h-have sex with me, he did, he said that. And yes, maybe, maybe I wasn’t totally disgusted in having sex with you. But only because I like you-“

“Mikey stop it! You’re being pathetic. Don’t do this to yourself! Or me. Or Gee. Just leave me alone –alright? Please? I want you to stop talking to me. I know it was you, I know it and I don’t like you right now!” I told him, trying to run out of the room away form his clammy grasp. I managed to get out of school and around the corner, cursing violently when I remembered Gerard had promised to wait for me.

I turned around bumping right into his chest, I pushed away, confused and already falling tired from him scampering after me.

“What does he have that I don’t? He’s rude to you, he’s selfish, arrogant, a bully, he’s pure evil! He’s been fucking other men!” Mikey begged in my ear. I blocked him out tears spurting down my face. Luckily, as I ended the street Gerard ran round the corner, his cheeks bright red and his chest panting.

“Baby, come here!” Gerard called, stumbling back a little when I fell into his chest, “Mikey what the fuck are you doing? Do you enjoy trying to ruin my life or something?” he asked? Staying relatively calm, “Do you? What do want me to say huh? I said sorry, I said fucking sorry now leave it! Just fucking leave it! I had to!” Gerard yelled, stroking my hair a few times.

“You sick cunt!” Mikey spat, evil not leaving his voice, “Me? Ruin your life? Your life? What about mine, huh? You want me to list of the times you’ve fucked me up!” Mikey asked, not even able to stay still on his feet, he kept stumbling around, one hand pressed on his knee, “Huh? Yeah? I will then! Thirteen, I was in the shower –remember that? You just came in and asked ‘if I needed a hand’ I was thirteen you ass! Do you just love to try and screw me over just because you got bummed up the ass? Seventeen, you suck me off in a field, a fucking field?! Do you even know how scared I was-“

“Fuck you!” Gerard yelled, cutting Mikey off in a deep bark, “Shut the fuck up! I didn’t! Fuck you! Just fuck go yourself freak!” he angrily yelled. I began to try and tug Gerard away by the elbow. I hated hearing about all the old stuff that happened.

“Take a look at a your goddamn self!” Mikey yelled back, “How come you think you can walk over everyone? I’m fucking sick of it, I’m sick of the way you can do everything, I’m sick of you –period! It’s stupid; you don’t deserve anything you have! Anything at all, one day you’re just going to push every to the edge and you’ll be on your own!” Mikey shouted after him as he stormed down the street, his footsteps awkward and angry.
“Why can’t you just leave everything alone?” I whimpered, running after Gerard and ignoring Mikey’s continuing you rant, “Why can’t you just leave me alone?” I shouted, shoving Mikey’s hand away with my elbow, “Gee?” I yelled, seeing him disappear around the corner. I ran harder, the soles of my feet beginning to throb harshly, “Gerard? Gee?” I shouted as I turned the corner, jumping when his arms enveloped me, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry about him,” I mumbled into his shoulder.

“No, I’m sorry, he’s an ass. He doesn’t know when to shut up,” he told me, one of him arms tightening around my waist and the other round my hips. Gerard stepped backwards, moving cautiously down the alley, murmuring comforts in my ear, “Don’t cry, don’t cry,” he murmured, I thought he was talking to me but I realised he was talking to himself, “Come on you big fucking pansy ass, hold it in, leave it, never happened. Under the carpet- all that bull,” he began his voice wavering.

“Gee sit down,” I murmured when he stumbled. He fell down beside the dark green dumpster, his head leaning against the iron, “Come on, it’s fine, I’m supposed to be in tears 24/7,” I mumbled, climbing on his lap and kissing his cheeks a few times.

“I know,” he murmured, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose, “I’m not cry-“ he stopped and swallowed before letting a few sobs past his lips. He buried his face in his hands, “I fuck up all the goddamn time, when are things going to be okay for me? I try my best, I really do,” he cried, also bringing his knees up. I pathetically sat there rubbing his shoulder, not knowing what I was supposed to be doing.

“It’ll be okay, we need to just give it a little while, everything will be fine, Gee please don’t cry –come on we’re going to San Diego tonight, we’re meant to have a nice time,” I said, tucking my hand under his chin so I could see if he was a better.

“But… I’ve ruined everything again-“

“-No, please, we’re gonna have a nice time yeah? A whole weekend without Charlie or any interruptions, i-it’ll be real good, Gee please?” I begged, crawling on his lap and kissing into his neck, “What do you want me to do? Hm? You always make me happy –I don’t know what to do? I don’t know what to do. I can’t remember what I did last time, please?” I rambled, cuddling him hopefully. I looked up and smiled in a watery manner when he snorted.

“Y-you wanna know what you did before,” he grinned, wiping under his eye, “Think back,” he giggled.

I thought for a minute, turning a light pink and chuckling embarrassedly when I remember the situation in my room.

“But a nice cuddle and a kiss will do me behind the dumpsters,” he sniffed, returning my hug.