We're Going Live

I ran right away from Mikey, tears stream lining my face. I told him no, I said no. Several times. I didn’t know which direction I was running in, everything was so different in the dark. So distorted and weird.

Each turn off led into a pitch black alley, every alley led off into hell. I just kept walking forward.

I pushed my hands into my pockets, continuing down the road like I was hiking for treasure.

School looked like… Dracula’s house. It was this great stone looming castle with rusted railings. I couldn’t believe it looked so normal in the daylight. I shivered and leant against the wall, huddling in Mikey’s hoody. A few speckles of rain landed onto my head so I quickly flipped the hood up and buried myself further into the material. I swore could feel eyes on me.

I looked right and then left, then right again.

Each breath made me feel short of air. Short of any bodily function that I needed. I turned around, my heart skipping beats as I stared at the building. I let my eyes travel upwards, past the windows, the balconies and the potted plants. Past the slanted roves and points… to the roof.

I didn’t take it in, when I saw a figure sitting up there. I just looked down again then realisation hit me and my head shot back up again. I opened the squeaking gate and shimmied in cupping my hand to my mouth before calling upwards. I squinted my eyes up into the darkness and called again.

“Hello!” I yelled, the person just stayed sitting, swinging their legs, “If you can hear me can you at least tell me you can!” I continued, tucking my billowing hair behind my ear. They didn’t reply. I walked closer to the building, once again cupping my hand over my mouth, “Hello!” I shouted, “How’d you get into the school? I mean you’re obviously not Spiderman!” I finished, sighing, “Maybe they are Spiderman…”

I walked to the front of the school, wondering why no one had even called the police yet. I supposed no one could see them. I put my hand on the school door lever, my insides feeling suddenly hollow when it creaked open slowly. I stepped in, finding the hallway to smell of floor and window cleaner. I couldn’t decide whether it was worse in here or outside. I was rooted to the spot. If I looked ahead, I could see the long mis-shapen corridor and if I looked back outside all I could see was blank.

I decided to just forget about the scariness of school. The corridors were exactly the same. That and the fact that it had began to pour with sodden rain and I wanted nothing more to door with anything until the weather calmed.

I sniffed my blocked nose and made my way silently down the corridor, my shoes squeaking loudly. I took a deep breath and attempted to smile, finding if I smiled, then I felt better. Then, I started to trek up towards the stairs.

It smelt so strongly of disinfected it almost made my eyes burn. I glanced towards the window, listening to the rain fall on one pain and then dribble down it like it was sobbing. Taking a deep breath I started up the first flight of stairs, the second, the third and finally towards the end of the corridor, to where the loft stairs were.

Up in the school loft is where they kept everything. It smelt liked varnish and lighter fuel, I loved both those smells and couldn’t stop but take in a deep breath through my nose, sighing out contently afterwards.

There was a puddle where the person on the roof had left the trap door to the roof open, I ignored it and stepped onto the plastic grey chair placed there, managing to struggled up on the roof.

I was soaked before I even stood up, my clothes stuck to me and the thunder trembling in the sky pulled at my ears. Then I noticed the person.

That person was Gerard.

“Gerard?” I said. He spin around and stared at me.

“Oh, god Dolly –what’re you doing here?” he murmured, wiping the straggled bits of hair from his face.

“W-what’re you doing here? Where’s Charlie?” I asked, fear ridding myself.

“My mom’s,” he clarified, “He’s at my mom’s. I just… I wanted to think, like you. I came here, I have the keys see, from when I used to work here. I didn’t know it was you down there, I couldn’t really hear you anyways,” he whispered.

“Okay…” I nodded.

“I just started thinking y’know? I just… I missed being with you at this place. I just wanted to remember it,” he said, swinging his legs. I didn’t want to say anything that would possibly upset him, I didn’t want him to try and jump off the edge.

“I miss it too,” I murmured, I wasn’t lying either.

“Do you remember that time you came to talk to me after your math class? And, you were sitting on the table. And I leant over you to get those sheets for my next class. Then we caught each others eye and we were just staring at each other, like those cheesy romance movies?” he asked, rain dribbling down his face.

“Yes I remember that,” I chuckled, joining him on the edge of the roof.

“I wish it was like that again. When you didn’t know all the horrible stuff about me. Back to a time when you believed that I was just you’re shy, loner art teacher. I need that time back. I felt alive. I felt excited to go to work in the morning’s because even if you weren’t in my class that day I knew I could just walk accidently down the same corridor as you. or I could have that second to touch you’re hand when I handed you notes to take you on dates to Starbucks, all though we didn’t admit they were dates,” he smiled.

“I know, I remember,” I said, nudginf closer to him.

“And that time,” he began laughing, “That time it was raining really hard and you like came into my classroom for your first lesson when it was free period. And you sat on my desk for the entire hour, just listening to me babbling on about… Halo or some shit. Oh, I know! I was talking about me trying to play on a Nintendo Wii, and my trousers came down,” he laughed.

“Oh yeah and you just carried on playing because you were embarrassed,” I chuckled, sitting cross legged beside him.

“When I was like… nine? I was trying to impress this girl. Her name was Sally Witchurch. Only I got her name wrong and called her ‘Shally Mitchnurch,,’ because at the time I was loosing all my teeth and getting my big ones in so I was all toothy. Anyways, so I was on the monkey bars, right? And I was going across all cool like and I was a pretty chubby kid, and then I suddenly fall, but I fell on her and totally squashed her,” he laughed.

“I tried out the monkey bars when I was little. I was wearing a light blue frilly dress and it was tucked into my pants but I didn’t notice and all these boys were laughing at me. I walked around like it for the whole day and my mum was too embarrassed to tell me,” I chuckled.

“You have a thing with tucking your dresses into you knickers don’t you?” he grinned, kissing my knuckle.

“I can’t help it!” I chuckled.

“What about the time you were in P.E. I was sitting on the side watching you play volleyball. You were friggin’ hopeless!” he laughed, “And then I pretended I needed to talk to you and you made me stand in front of you so no one could see you in your P.E kit. When we got back to my class I thought I was gonna die. You looked so good, not in a sexual way either, you just looked gorgeous, with your hair all pinned up,” Gerard smiled, “Seriously, you did.”

“Thanks,” I smiled, blushing rapidly.

“We never did do anything in my class though. I thought every lunch time, break time, free period, anytime, we’d be in my class. Ramming one of the desks into the walls,” he laughed, “But that’s why I fell for you Doll, because you were always willing to talk to me. Even if I started nerding out, or if I let my imagination run away with me and I ended up having a problem, you still talked to me,” he smiled childishly, his eyes full of unblemished innocence.

I chuckled and blinked the rain water out of my eyes, momentarily forgetting everything.

“I want to explain about the video. I got this job. And it wasn’t at a horse racing place,” he began, I held my breath, “I’ve been working at a gay strip joint for more money. And I’ve been having sex with men for cash. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. But it was like trying to tell you I didn’t have bollocks anymore, I feel like aby manly fibre in me has just been slowly pulled out. Kids used to tease me in school for being slightly camp. Everyone has always asked if I’m gay and I’m not, but sometimes I get confused. I don’t know what I like anymore,” he sighed, swinging his legs again.

I nodded, swallowing broadly, “I thought you were cheating on me,” I whispered feeling like a prize jerk.

“No, well yes. But not because I wanted to. Anyway,” he swallowed, “This job came up. For a rich guy named Marvin and he wanted me to get this home video for him, just for him. And then I’d get a massive pay rise. Then when I asked you if you wanted to film what we did, you seemed so against it, so I put in Mikey’s room and told him to seduce you into having sex with him, so it would film and I could hand it in,” he admitted shamefully, “But I just thought… you’ve only ever had sex with some dumb, long haired, pasty, chubby, ass fucker, I thought maybe Mikey would have been better than me anyway,” he sighed, looking dishonourably at the ground.

“No one could be better than you. Ever-“

“-Doll. You don’t know that. You think that the sun shines out of my ass, it doesn’t. I’m bad, everything I do just screws up and I don’t mean it too! I’ve taken advantage of you so many times, just because I know you won’t have really understood what I’m trying to do to you. I don’t know what I’m doing half the time,” he admitted.

“I don’t care. I really don’t care. I just love you. I love you so, so, so, so much, when I sit there thinking about it for ages it actually begins to hurt, I can’t even imagine myself without you anymore. It’s scary at times, but I just don’t care anymore,” I sighed, watching as he stood up.

“Follow me,” he commanded, smiling softly.