We're Going Live

In last lesson art I explained my night to Ricky. He listened attentively, occasionally nodding or shaking his head. He decided he was going to come, to Mikey’s house anyway just so he could meet him properly. For some reason my stomach felt like it was going to fall out my mouth, I guess I was just nervous. Questions kept probing at me and I just wanted this evening to be over with. I also felt a little guilty at making Mikey go in, but I didn’t want Ricky having to do it, even though he did keep offering.

I sloped up the drive to Mikey’s house and knocked a few times, my throat feeling dry and placid. Ricky leant against the wall, winking at Mikey when he opened the door.

“Uh… hi?” Mikey smiled, looking a little awkward around Ricky.

“Hey sexy,” Ricky said, moving into the house before Mikey even said anything. Mikey’s eyes widened a little but he said nothing apart from a sarcastic ‘come in then’.

“I don’t know if I want to find out what Gerard’s up to,” I shivered, sitting down on the sofa. Mikey’s house was as spotless as ever, the curtains wide open letting the setting sun pour is to give an orange flush to the room.

I sunk down, falling into the cushions below me, Ricky fell down beside me muttering something about how clean it was. Mikey made small talk for a while, Ricky usually appropriating answers. I swallowed, trying to psyche myself up. It’s like when you promise some one you’re going to do something and backing out just isn’t an option.

“Ren, you ready?” Mikey asked

“Sure,” I nodded, standing up and breathing out heavily, not even realising I was short of breath.

“I’m going to drop Ricky home and then drive to the club,” Mikey said whilst tugging on his jacket. I nodded blandly, pulling Gerard’s old chequered shirt round me tighter, my heart drumming mindlessly in my chest. Ricky and Mikey talked about horror movies the whole way there, mostly because Mikey insisted Ricky looked like Rob Zombie. I drifted off into a mindless daydream, only jolting out of it when we were at the club.

“Ren!”

I stared at Mikey, the sudden feeling to throw up gliding over me like a blanket. Helooked at my sympathetically whilst climbing into the back seats.

“I’ll be in and out, five minutes,” he said, snapping his fingers.

“Is that what you say to all the girls?” I laughed weakly, allowing him to pull me into his shoulder.

“No, of course it isn’t, in and out in three minutes,” he chuckled, “I’m sure there’s probably some back room with horse racing, this is a pretty crummy place y’know? He’s probably just… embarrassed,” Mikey murmured, making goosebumps attack my back. I had this aching urge to just kiss him, I felt terrible even thinking it, like my stomach wasn’t in enough of a acrobatic stadium.

The tops of my thighs jolted when his little finger got caught under my shirt. I wished my brain wouldn’t do this to me. I mean, I guess technically I was still a kid and any contact with the opposite sex was meant to send me into over drive but my stomach just dropped when he moved his hand totally under my shirt, his finger fingers causing my goosebumps to tighten further.

“Gerard’s a very lucky man,” Mikey mumbled, “Very, very lucky,” he finished, pulling away slowly, his finger Leaving small train lines on my skin.

“Mm…” I trailed off, blush creeping up my neck.

“Okay, five minutes,” he said, holding up five fingers before leaving. I lay back on the three seats, rubbing at my eyes with the sides of my hands. Mikey was more than five minutes, or maybe less. I wasn’t sure, it felt like forever though. And, what happened next was weird, like really weird.

I didn’t know whether I was delusional, or faking it to myself. But I did it just so he’d kiss me. I know I shouldn’t have. It was a sneaky move on my behalf and I know that I shouldn’t have done it. At first I really did think it was Gerard, but after a while I obviously figured.

I pushed my arms over my eyes, my stomach still convulsing thoughtlessly. It was about fifteen minutes later since Mikey had gone into the club. I could hear his footsteps at first then the door opened, I don’t know why I didn’t say anything but suppose it was because he didn’t say anything. That’s just how I was… if Gerard was confident I was more confident, it’s just how it worked.

So when he didn’t say anything, I didn’t see the need.

I wanted to ask what Gerard was doing, but for some reason I didn’t? Like I was under a spell or something.

Lips landed on my own and I forgot that I wasn’t supposed to be kissing back. I just pretended it was Gerard, I just pretended that the spine beneath my finger was Gerard’s. When I felt the nudge of cold glasses against my jaw, I couldn’t help but pull away slightly.

“Just tell me this is Gerard,” I kept my eyes closed.

“This is…” Mikey began, “If it isn’t Gerard will you hate it?” he questioned. I didn’t reply, just sat with my eyes closed in a weirdly retarded manner, “It’s Mikey,” he murmured whilst climbing off me, I grabbed his belt whilst he was climbing into the back seat.

“Good,” I said cautiously.