We're Going Live

I swallowed and braced myself, hovering the needle above Mikey’s skin. I stared at the grey sheet for a second before pushing the needle through his arm, making it pierce and come out the other side. Mikey grunted and Gerard smiled at him sympathetically, squeezing his hand gently.

I was supposed to be giving Mikey stiches with a free sewing kit he had gotten with a posh suit but so far I ha managed to just poke him worriedly, unable to pluck up the courage to actually push it all the way through.

“Almost over Mikes,” Gerard murmured, swallowing as I pulled the thread through and pushed into the other side, apologising weakly under my breath. “Mikey you gotta relax alright? It’ll make it less painful,” Gerard said, leaning over and fiddling around with the C.D player until he managed to get Enya on. Gerard muttered the words of the song under his breath, wincing himself when I pushed into Mikey’s skin again.

“It’s okay, I’m okay, I know it’s for the best,” Mikey ground out, whimpering lightly.

I finished up, giving him a quick peck on the cheek as consolation. Gerard chuckled and gave him one on the nose to be annoying.

“Gross,” Mikey muttered, wiping the spot Gerard had attacked with his sleeve, “Couldn’t we stay here tonight?” Mikey asked, Gerard glanced at me and I looked back at him.

“No Mikes, we gotta go back, to be on the safe side,” Gerard said, sounding like a proper big brother.

“But I wanna sleep in my own bed,” Mikey mumbled, moving so his head was resting on Gerard’s thigh, “Can’t you set your alarm so we wake up early and we can go back to the house whilst it’s still dark?” he asked, looking at Steve. Gerard glanced at me again and shrugged weakly.

“Alright,” Gerard sighed, “I’ll set it for five am, okay? So you can sleep till then,” he concluded, “Get an early night and if you want to bring anything to the house getting ready before we leave,” he murmured, pulling the duvet back on Mikey’s bed and letting him crawl under.

Gerard left the room after that and I heard him turn the faucets on in the bath tub. I stayed with Mikey though, lying down with him until he looked like he was about to fall asleep. His skin had lost it’s glow to it, his mouth shaped into a permanent frown, his structure had lost it’s sturdiness. It was as if the life had been sucked from him, like all positive blood had been evacuated. I sighed and pulled the duvet up around his chin, leaning down to give him a hug.

I left the room after that, in journey to seek out Gerard who was most likely in the bathroom. I walked down the almost forgotten hallway and knocked on the bathroom door.

“Who is it?” Gerard asked thickly from inside, crying?

“Me,” I replied, stepping in, “Are you alright?” I asked worriedly, watching as he slowly brought the bar of soap up his arm.

“Mm…” he replied slowly as I shut the door, “Come in with me?” he asked looking up. I nodded and began pulling off articles of clothing, unsteadily allowing my foot to wade into the water. I lowered myself onto his lap and back onto his chest like a chair, happy to feel his arms envelope me from behind, “I told Steve to take Charlie back with him, I don’t want him getting ill,” Gerard murmured.

“Okay,” I sighed, “I don’t think Mikey should come back with us, I’m worried about him,” I told him, turning around in his arms so both my legs were either side of him, bent at the knee, “He’s not himself Gee,” I said, taking the soap from him gently so he’d have to look at me.

“No, he has to come with us,” he said, looking me directly in the eye, his face needy, “He has to doll, it was my fault that he got hurt and it’s my job to take care of him, he has to come with us,” Gerard probed, bringing his own legs up in an arch so his knees were pressed up against my back.

“But, the house isn’t that clean Gee, his leg-“

“-Then I’ll clean it, babe. Mikey needs to come with us… if something happens to me I need him to look after you. If something happens to me I want you to stay with him alright?” he said, shaking my shoulders gently.

“What’re you talking about? Nothing will happen to you,” I said worriedly, feeling a blockage of tears begin behind my eyes, “I won’t let anything happen to you,” I murmured desperately.

“If anything happens to me you stay with Mikey. He’s good for you. You got it? Stay with him, get married, I don’t care but you have to promise me to let him have you,” Gerard said, his knuckles turning white from pressing so hard on my arms.

“Nothing’s gonna happen to you though Gee, we’ll get out of this-“

“-Promise me!”

“Okay, I promise, I promise,” I muttered, looking away from him and staring into the water of the bath. I let my eyes linger there for a while, but, then an idea suddenly hit me, “Gee what did you do with that guy? The one in the woods?” I asked, my stomach curdling when he looked away from me, “Gerard?...”

“Nothing, nothing,” he replied quickly, looking down again.

“Tell me,” I said, pushing at his chin, “Come on! I tell you everything!”

“Okay, I kicked him a bit… and then y’know like tied him up sorta…” he trailed off and I stared at him, “It’s no big deal though… he’s not dead, he’s just… uhm… not alive? I think, I don’t know I didn’t check properly –it was too dark to see what the hell I was doing anyways. I’m sorry, you were asleep with Mikey so I just thought that if I left him he’d wake up and then we’d be in the shit for sure Doll, we have to think about ourselves for once-“ he cut himself off and rested his forehead against mine, his prickly top lip brushing mine, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry okay? It needed to be done and don’t tell Mikey, I hate the disappointed looks he gives me,” he added.

“Gee… I can’t believe you… you killed some one again!”

“No! I killed one person,” he said, pulling back whilst holding up one finger, “The other one’ll just die on their own, they were barely alive anyway. He was from France or some shit anyway, France is massive no once cares if anyone goes missing from France-“

“What? Of course they do! Just because they speak a different language doesn’t mean there from Mars!” I said, my eye brows raised.

“But Doll, when the American police tell his family in American that he’s dead they won’t understand anyways so who cares?-“

“-Gerard don’t be such a pig! Can you really be this ignorant? I mean really? America don’t have their own language! It’s called British! And the majority of people in France can speak it!” I told him, “Why do you have to kill everyone, huh?”

He didn’t answer me with that one, he just leant back against the bath tub and prodded himself in the stomach, occasionally running the bar of soap down his side of neck. I was too exhausted to bother yelling at him about how he had to stop digging himself his own grave. I stared at him, watching a patch of his chest get soapier and soapier.

I wondered whether I had been to harsh on him, whether I shouldn’t have called him ignorant. In the end, so I didn’t say anything either, too worried I’d upset him even more. He continued to rub the soap over that same part on his chest, staring off past my head.

“You missed a spot,” I said quietly, making him look down with a startled expression. I wiped my finger down the lathered square of soapy chest and tapped his nose.

“So I have,” he chuckled weakly, his eyes lacking that usual gleam.