We're Going Live

Gerard stared helplessly at the dark blue wall in front of him, it seemed like the sea, so endless and full of danger. Even though it was only a wall. Pain rippled though his shoulder as he attempted to roll over, only exceeding in squirming like a dying deer, antlers knotted. Then, once he had managed to roll onto his back he was faced with the ghastly black suit.

It seemed surreal, hanging lopsidedly on his wardrobe.

Instead he turned to the right and pressed play on his player, instantly feeling the urge to sob. Gerard lightly nibbled his lip before reaching over to his side drawer and retracting a pen knife, one he used to use as child to fiddle around in the garden with. He studied it, then slid it into his back pocket, remembering his promise.

A knock at the door made him jolt in surprise, his heart beating a millions times an hour before he saw Mikey limp in, dressed smartly in his own clothes.

“Gerard, you should have been dressed over fifteen minutes ago,” he murmured weakly, fiddling with the button on his pant suit, “It’ll be okay Gee,” Mikey promised suddenly, crawling up onto Gerard’s highschool bed and wriggling under his free arm, the one without the gun shot, “She’ll be okay, she’s got our grandma to keep her company yeah?” he whispered into the older Way’s ear, seeing forlorn tears run smoothly down Gerard’s stubble free cheeks.

“But I won’t be with her,” Gerard sobbed, clutching Mikey with his arm, “I can’t do this,” Gerard sobbed, his voice thick as he sniffed hard, “I need her back with me,” he cried, feeling Mikey wrap his stronger arms around Gerard’s.

“I know Gee,” Mikey murmured, rubbing his cheek against Gerard’s before kissing it lightly, “But we have to, it’s nor fair to keep her wired up to a life machine, her parents want it done Gee, it’s not up to you, they signed the paper,” Mikey whispered, his own voice cracking, “Yeah?”

“No,” Gerard howled, “I don’t want her to die, I want her here and it’s all my fault,” Gerard sobbed, again and again, his stomach convulsing. Mikey stroked the back of Gerard’s head, his fingers weaving into the greasy tangled locks, “I just want her back,” he cried in a whisper, sounding like he had said nothing at all.

“It’s not your fault, it’s not, remember that? She said, she told you it wasn’t your fault!” Mikey persisted, continuing to stroke Gerard’s hair.

”I love you too Doll,” Gerard murmured, pushing his finger against the trigger as the middle ages officer shot his own gun. The bullet hit Gerard in the shoulder, shocking him momentarily as his hand waved and his own bullet shot through Ren, her side having an almost perfect tunnel.

She wavered, staring as Gerard tumbled down the roof, his gun skidding off the side. Her eyes blank and filled with tears, the dark blood slowly seeping out into the material of her night dress.

Then, she began to tumbled down the roof, pain rippling through her weak body. Gerard cried out, managing to block her from sliding of the roof and down onto the floor. He held her tightly, her head lolling blankly against his as her blood spilled onto his hands

“I’ll join you Doll, I promise,” Gerard whispered.

Gerard sobbed harder, remembering the feel of her body against his, so heavy and limp. The way her blood felt running down his hands, he howled into Mikey’s chest. Gerard stayed sobbing as Mikey helped him get undressed, his lips pursed as Gerard cried.

The journey to the hospital was like a journey to hell, for Gerard especially. The ceremony was like a funeral, it was a funeral. It was funeral in one sense, in a sense that made no sense and in a way that made Gerard want to twist his head off. He had to stand there, holding Charlie like he actually felt something for Ren’s parents.

“You didn’t know her,” he muttered under his breath, un able to hold Charlie any longer, “You didn’t no her one bit!” he accused, looking at Ren, her perfect figure wired up to a machine like some comic book character. He found himself being wound up by the insufferable beating of the life support machine, he didn’t want to hear his girlfriend dying.

Bleep, Bleep, Bleep,
Bleep, Bleep, Bleep.

“Gerard please,” Mikey hissed, his eyes already glassy from staring so hard.

“No, It’s not fair! Why should they choose whether her machine gets turned off! I love her, I knew her, I knew everything she wanted!” Gerard said, beginning to cry like a child who wanted ice cream, “I loved her! I don’t want to turn it off!” he sobbed, ignoring the embarrassed looks he was receiving.

“Gerard, hush please!” Donna cried, completely distraught Gerard thought it okay to kick up a fuss at Ren’s goodbye. Gerard stamped his a foot a few times, snot adding to the fulid on his face.

“Why do you all want her die? We have to keep her alive!” Gerard said, pushing Charlie into Steve's unexpecting arms, “Mikey,” Gerard whimpered turning to his younger brother, “Please, please, you loved her! You love her now! You’re never going to feel her with you again if you don’t do something!” Gerard told him, seeing wavering tears run down Mikey’s face.

“Gerard!” Donna hissed, “Don’t upset everyone here just from your childish tantrums!” she continued, powerless to stop Gerard from beginning to sob.

“But-“ Gerard began, stopping when a lean, greasy haired doctor pushed her head round the door.

“I’m sorry for the interruption but the hall across the road is now ready and Mr. Redding’s would like to sort out Mrs. Way’s-“

“-Miss Haythan-Smith,” Ren’s father quickly intervened, making Donna stare at Gerard that he’d even had the nerve to tell the doctor any different.

“Yes, sorry, Miss. Haythan-Smith’s ready and we can do that last test her husband would like to perform,” she stated, making everyone nod and begin to leave the room, not daring to look at the limp body lying on the bed, “Sirs? I can’t leave you unattended,” the doctor said, looking doubtfully at the Way brother’s who were standing in a simultaneous way.

Mikey glanced over at Gerard, almost groaning when he saw Gerard had that look in his eye, that one that meant he had gotten a crazy idea in which he was going to try.

“I’ve killed two men and have yet to be found out about it, please leave,” Gerard stated, making Mikey’s mouth drop that Gerard could even be a crude to mention that ever again. The ladie’s eyebrows raised and she nodded worriedly, almost running from the room, “Don’t look at me like that Mikey,” Gerard said, “I can’t have her here, I have an idea.”

Mikey nodded his head almost like a puppy, tears seeping out from under his eyes. He wondered why Gerard had to always ruin everything.

“-No!” Mikey cried, “You an your ideas!” he sobbed, “Just for once can’t you stop being so goddamn crazy? Even when we were kids you just didn’t no when to stop!” Mikey cried weakly, watching as Gerard pottered around Ren’s bed, “Gerard leave her alone!”

“Why does no one listen to me!” Gerard hissed, “If you don’t want to help me then fine!” he spat, beginning to pull the bars of the bed so it rolled forward, “Come on!” he ordered impulsively, taking the life support’s trolley and pulling it slowly, “Hold the drip up and push the trolley why don’t you?!” Gerard asked.

Bleep, Bleep, Bleep,
Bleep, Bleep, Bleep.

“Gerard what are we doing?” Mikey cried, his face pink and peaky.

Gerard failed to reply as he began to wedge the trolley bed out of the room, the wheels meandering easily on the slippery hall. Then, he looked at Mikey, staring at his confused baby brother. The one without the six pack muscles or rigid tan, the one without straightened hair and designer glasses. He was looking at his old Mikey, the pale, lanky one, with black glasses and fluffy hair that was hair sprayed in some kind of matted way. Gerard leant forward, so his nose was pushed up against Mikey’s.

“For a little walk right? We’re gonna get her back alive Mikes, we’re all gonna be together. You’ll see,” Gerard whispered, giving Mikey a sly peck on the lips that made him pull away. He hadn’t meant it like that though, he had meant it as a sort of pact, “You follow me alright?” Gerard ordered, beginning to push Ren’s bed and herself down the hall and towards the elevator.

He pressed the button and waited patiently, pushing his Doll in as quickly as possible before ushering Mikey in the bright lighted, little room.

“Oh god Gee no!” Mikey hissed, more tears ruining his face as he stared down at Ren’s pale face.

Bleep, Bleep, Bleep,
Bleep, Bleep, Bleep.

“Yes Mikey,” Gerard nodded, “Hold her hand, go on!” he quickly ordered, taking the right pale hand belonging to Ren in his before squeezing, trying to wake her up, “Ren, Doll face, wake up, wake up please,” Gerard whispered, kissing her dry mouth hopefully, “Come on baby doll, wake up for me, wake up,” he continued to mumble, confused when the elevator jolted suddenly and the life machine skidded into the wall, making the glass of roses balancing on top crash to the ground.

Mikey let out a sob and slid down the wall, realising the lift had broken and they were stuck. Gerard’s heart raced and he clung to Ren’s hand, beginning to sweat and cry like Mikey.

“Nice Gerard! Well fucking done!” Mikey wept into his knees, feeling the elevator shake as Gerard kicked the wall, hoping for it too magically start to work again.

Part two, Chapter 45.

“Come on fucking move!” Gerard roared, his heart pulse beating fast, making him sweat harder.

Bleep, Bleep, Bleep,
Bleep, Bleep, Bleep.

Gerard stared at Ren, his face contorted as he watched her fade. He sobbed into his hands, wondering what he was supposed to do. He sobbed into the white hospital sheets before shaking Ren’s shoulder lightly, although it hurt his arm to do so.

“Ren please babe, give me one more chance. One more chance,” he sobbed, “One more chance Doll face, come on!” Gerard whispered, clutching the white sheet in his hand as he crawled on top of his girlfriend, sobbing into her shoulder, unable to feel anything apart from pain, “Come on,” Gerard sobbed, hearing \Mikey’s own racketed sobs falling in the back ground.

Bleep, Bleep, Bleep,
Bleep, Bleep, Bleep.

“No, no, no,” Gerard sobbed, hearing her heart beat begin to fade as if it never existed. Gerard could remember how Ren had hated hospitals, how they scared her so badly. How fire scared her, how stepping in mud scared her in case the worms got her foot. Gerard sobbed, an image of his gorgeous Doll lying in the ground with all sorts of bugs crawling through her eyes.

Bleep, Bleep, Bleep,
Bleep, Bleep, Bleep.

She was going.

She was dying.

Gerard sobbed into her neck, kissing it again and again, trying to get her to wrap her limp arms around his neck. Mikey cried loudly, his head banging back onto the elevator wall, his ears ringing with the slow beating of the heart monitor.

Bleep, Bleep, Bleep,
Bleep, Bleep, Bleep.

“No!” Gerard cried, his lips against Ren’s, his heart again hers, his hands entwined in her fingers, “I love you! I love you Dolly, wake up please, give me another chance!” Gerard screamed, his hair falling in front of his face, “Doll please!”

Bleep, Bleep, Bleep,
Bleep, Bleep, Bleep.

“One more chance Doll, one more,” Gerard persisted, his fingers curling into the white blanket, his eyes feeling they were ripping out.

Gerard fell back, his stomach heaving and sweat dribbling copiously down the groove in his back. He managed to grab Ren’s forearms and pull her chuckling on top of him, her hair falling straggly from their raunchy hour.

“That was incredible,” Gerard murmured, pushing his lips to hers quickly before giggling childishly, “Your certainly my Juliet,” he grinned, running his hands up her thighs to the tops of her shoulder and back down, “My doll.”

“Are you my Romeo then?” Ren asked, drawing patterns on Gerard’s damp chest.

“Doll,” Gerard wept again and again, repeating it in his head, sobbing, then repeating it, sobbing then repeating it. Gerard sat up crying under his breath as he pulled at his back pocket to retract the small red penknife.

The button on the side allowed him to flip up the rusted knife that certainly did nothing but cut twigs when he was younger, now Gerard decided, now he was to use to use it properly.

Bleep, Bleep, Bleep,
Bleep,Bleep,Bleep.

Gerard only stared at it for a few seconds longer, then from his perched position he pulled the buttons of his shirt open, revealing his pale chest with all it’s scars.

“Good bye Mikey,” Gerard swallowed, his eyes almost betaying him when Mikey’s head shot up and he scrabbled up to stop Gerard from plunging the thick blade into his chest

And then, Gerard did. He drew it down quickly, like a swinging axe, right through his chest, puncturing his ribs and lungs. It made a horrible sound and at first he pain was not there, simply just a pulling sensation but then it hit Gerard like a tidal wave. It made him gag, it made Mikey stop and stare bewilderedly.

The expression on Gerard’s face stayed bewildered as he slowly with drew his knife, his teeth chattering his stomach turning as he did so. He wavered on his knees, wondering why he was not dead, wondering how he could still feel pain. He did it again, the left side this time. He second blow made him scream and made Mikey clap his hand over his mouth and begin to sob as Gerard withdrew the knife and let it drop onto the white hospital covers.

Bleep. Bleep. Bleep.
Bleep.Bleep.Bleep.

His heart rate began to decrease whilst he fell forward, his jaw crashing into Ren’s as he gasped, the softness of the sheets soon being drenched by the blood. He tried to raise his head, only managing to pull Ren’s arms limping around his waist before letting his head drop back onto her chest. Gerard closed his eyes, only being able to hear Mikey’s wails and Ren’s heart beat.

Bleep. Bleep. Bleep.
Bleep.Bleep.Bleep.

Ble-e-e-e-p

The last insufferable bleep droned on for a life time, inside Gerard’s head as him and his Doll floated of into the mass abyss together, leaving only broken hearts and strangled cries that echoed on forever