You Make My Heart Implode

Cat

She's such a cocky bitch!

"You should go after her" Skinny advises. "After all that you told me"

I confided in him what I thought, he told me to stop being foolish and get her.

"No fucking way!" I sigh on another cigarette.

"Cat!" I return a harsh, defiant glare, "Go...now. Before you miss her completely" Skinny persists.

"I'm sick of this" I down my drink and leave it on the window sill beside me and start walking. I don't want to walk the same route as Violet because it'll mean passing her and Skinny will think I'm following his advice. But I don't know another way back so I quicken my pace and walk straight past her.

My heart is hammering inside my chest. Am I doing the right thing by keeping her out of my life? Should I go and talk to her? What would happen if I did talk to her? All these questions are driving me insane.
I reach the tour bus and go straight to my bunk. I bury my face in my pillow and scream until I'm too tired to even breathe. I roll onto my back after god knows how long. Its dark and I'm exhausted. Sleep.

"Cat" someone shakes my arm.

"Fuck off" I mumble.

"Cat, it's Envy" my eyes peel open while my friend sits behind the curtain with me.

"What now?" I sigh.

"Don't be like that! I've got something for you" she tries to pass me a piece of paper.

"Great. Can I go back to sleep now?" I turn over and bury my face in my pillow once more.

"Will you fucking stop this? I'm helping you here. Take our advice before you blow your chances. And if you blow it again, I will rip your cock off!" Envy threatens.

"I hate you" I state, taking the scrap and reading it.

"Just for the record she gave it to me, I couldn't resist reading it but I've not told anyone else and I won't. Ok?" Envy groans, leaving my personal space.

Cat, if you stop being an asshole then so will I.
I wanna apologise for 'ruining your reputation'.
Make peace over drinks?
Room 88.
Violence x

It says. I scan the rest of the paper and find it's on a sheet of hotel invoice. She's scribbled over the invoice to write.

To go or not to go?
I want to keep the contents on my pants safely away from Envy and her sadistic ideas so it's best to go I suppose.

Before I know what's going on, I'm in the elevator to her floor with my hands in my pockets, playing with the lighter in my left and the change in my right.

Knock knock

The door opens and standing there is the frustration.
Her thick, slightly backcombed, black hair cascades over half of her face and rests just past her shoulders. The only thing taking my attention away from her bright green eyes, surrounded by thick eyeliner and mascara, is her deep red lips, playing with the metal ring in the centre of her bottom lip. I'm not sure what I was expecting her to look like outside of her shows, but her clothes don't make her seem like her personality yesterday somehow.

"Come in" she says, backing from the door.

I wordlessly cross the threshold and feel out of place and uptight.

"I'm not gonna bite, Cat, take a seat" she smirks.

Again, I sit down without a word.

"So, how exactly did you imagine we would 'make peace'" I question.

"Well, part of that is up to you now you came" a wicked smile sets on her face. "What would you like to drink?"

She pours some liquid into a glass from the Jagermeister bottle on top of the coffee table. I notice the other bottles littering the table.

"Something interesting" I reply, staring intently as she pours the same into another glass.

She reaches for a bottle of Absolut and pours the tiniest amounts out, next a bit of Sumbuca then the pours orange in one before looking up after her careful preparation.

"Is orange ok?" she asks politely before adding it to the unfinished glass.

I nod in reply and she pours that in, swilling round both mixes with stirrers. Taking out the stirrer, she passes me my drink before knocking back around a third of hers in one.

"Mmm...yummy" she smiles, replacing the glass.