Cause I'm Five Minutes Older

I closed my eyes. I heard a whisper behind me, but never dared to look. The pain was so immense that I… I… Woke up screaming, sweat dripping down my face. I breathed a few harsh breaths. Then I did what I was told would help me. I am strong. I am beautiful. Nothing he did makes me ugly. I am fearless. I am strong. I am beautiful. Nothing he did makes me ugly. I am fearless. No one can knock me down. I exhaled and picked up my phone to call the first person I could think of. The dial tone rang a few times.
“You’ve reached, Anya Hedeon, I’m sorry-” The phone clicked and the same heavily Russian voice came on, but this one was tired. “You had a nightmare didn’t you?” I could see her in my mind, with a concerned face.
“Yes.” I managed to say. She sounded like she was thinking.
“How would you feel about a change of scenery for a few weeks?”
“I guess that would be nice.” Anya and I were partners a lot when our support group met. She understood my situation better then everyone else.
“I’ll work on that, honey. I’ve needed to return home for awhile now.” So Russia it is. “It’ll be good, I promise.” I wanted to trust her on this. “Okay, I’ve got to go.”
“Good night, An.”
“Nighty night, Sweetheart.” A knock sounded at my door as Anya and I disconnected. I curled into a ball and the knocker came in anyway. He sat on my bed.
“Abbi. I couldn’t sleep.” It was Nick. He laid down next to me. Leila lifted her head in her dog bed watching. “You know I was so scared when you were gone. I could feel you dying. It was killing me, Ab. I couldn’t find you, but I could feel you. And I missed you. I knew you were in tremendous pain. I couldn’t deal. Then they found you. That scared me the most. I was the only one there. Mom, dad, Frankie, Joe, and even Kevin they were all asleep at the hotel. I couldn’t sleep at all that night. So I stayed at it with the cops and they asked me some questions. We searched the one place in the area we could think of. Our old house.” It was quite obvious he thought I was asleep. “And then I saw them bring you out. I cried. It wasn’t you they brought out. I was sure. That wasn’t you. That girl’s eyes were bugged out. Her light faded. Dirty, bloodied, ruined. But underneath she looked like you. She was in only a coat. Her bones jutted out in every direction. Frankly that girl scared me. I knew you where in there some where, but in that second I couldn’t see you. Then at the hospital they cleaned you up, pumped your food in. It made you more and more Abbi every day and I stayed with you. You woke up there. You couldn’t speak a word and I could tell you were scared and I just wanted to help. Because you are my sister and I love you, Abbi, so much. I hope you understand that that’s the reason why I ran away from you in rehab. I hope you actually forgive me for that.”
“I do.” I replied and turned over to look at my brother. “Look, Nick. I’m going on a trip soon. Anya is taking me to Russia with her. I need a change of scenery. I’m not letting mom or dad stop me. I’m an adult now and so are you. I just need to get away for a while. I hope you understand that I don't feel like this place is home anymore. I need to go.”

“Don’t worry, Ab, You will love Russia. My home country is the best!” Anya hooked her arm with mine. She kept talking about Russia and about half of it was in Russian. I only know simple phrases so I am pretty much completely reliant on her for translation. She lead me out of the terminal and to baggage claim. We secured our bags and I stepped through the automatic doors to see my first sights of Russia. I smiled and raised my face to the fresh air. Anya pulled on my arm toward a cab and climbed in. I stared out the window as she spoke to the cabbie in Russian all the way to the hotel. Reaching the hotel she scurried me in, checked in, and hurried into the room dropping the bags pulling me out. It was a whole new world I stepped into.