Not So Innocent

“Shawn, I was. I was-a thinking about, eh, what. We. Talked about. Before.” Jon made a motion with his thumb, making a quick turn with his head throwing a glance over his shoulder, before his gaze returned to rest firmly on Shawn.

Shawn made an odd face.

“Oh. Wow.” With eyes round round he gawked at his friend as if it was all too much to comprehend and had short-circuited his brain. Then a small smile slipped onto his face.

“C’mere.” He waved his friend over but Jon didn’t budge.

“Come.”

Step step step, slow, slow, hesitantly the young guitarist began walking over.

“Sit down,” Shawn told him as he leaned back on the couch, patting a spot beside him while tilting his head back slightly to be able to look Jon in the eye. But the young man simply shook his head mutely until Shawn grabbed his wrist and pulled him down.

“You’re cute and all.” An embarrassed smile hinted for a moment then it was replaced by a solemn, almost concerned expression. “But like,” Shawn continued, “you and I, we just, we’re not going to happen, man.”

“Bu-.”

“No, sorry.” A sheepish smile flickered momentarily. “This is going nowhere, Jon.” Now it was Shawn’s turn to shake his head. "It wasn't meant to go anywhere, you know?"

For a while they did nothing but stare at each other. Then Jon gave a nod but the look on his face was resolute and without warning he pressed his lips against Shawn’s, leaning against him until the singer lost what little balance he had and fell down flat on his back on the couch with Jon on top of him. And Shawn barely struggles but he didn’t kiss back, he kept grinning and grinning and amusement twinkled in half-closed eyes and all of a sudden Jon stopped.

“This is why. I told you it was a bad idea, I said so, didn’t I tell you so?”

“D-ah. I must not have heard you,” Shawn replied, eyes big big and innocent.

“I don’t believe that.” The young man’s tone was short, the look on his face relentless.

“Oh, c’mon!” The singer laughed but was met with stubborn silence. Which only caused him to laugh harder.

“Jon, Jon, get off me! I can’t, I can’t. I can’t breathe, man!” he panted after a while, trying to push the heavier man off him.

Muscles held back, restrained by reluctance, made all movements stiff as Jon slowly pushed himself back into sitting position. Something restrained had slowly crept over his skin, winded around contractile tissue and enfolded around eyes slowing them down, making him seem reserved, close to uncomfortable. He felt as if the sudden silence where closing in, wrapping tighter and tighter around his body.

Shawn on the other hand had propped himself up on his elbows and stretched out on the couch lazily, watching Jon, a carefree curve tugging at his lips. Closing his eyes he leaned his head back for a brief moment, breathing in the tranquillity, before letting his gaze return to the rest on the tensed guitarist.

One of Shawn’s legs were keeping him from falling off the couch, foot against the floor, but the other were comfortably stretched out behind Jon. Shawn bumped it into the young man.

“Hey, you,” he leered.

Jon threw him a glance, only grinning in response.

“Hey, you proved me wrong.”

“Proved you wrong?” Jon frowned, struggling to make the connections allowing the sentence to make sense to him.

“Well. Yeah.” Shawn kept nudging him with his leg. “You said that I, that I would kiss a guy.” The sentence ended in a coy smile and the older man lowered his gaze, fiddling with a loose thread on his shirt.

“And you did.” For a moment there was something triumphant to Jon’s grin but then graveness forced it to fade. “But-a. Where. Where do we go from. Here?”

The young guitarist watched how his band mate returned to look him in the eye again, his expression changed – collected but with eyebrows slightly raised, so obviously tugged at by a question.

“Never talk about it again?”

“Talk about what?” Jon only managed a few seconds of seriousness before his lips were bent and a short laugh escaped.

With a smile still lingering Shawn sat up and moved over to sit next to Jon.

“I practically had to kiss you though.”

“That’s not-. I never said anything. Like that. You’re lying.”

“No, no, no, no! You basically asked me to, Jon.”

“Did not.”

“Yeah?” Shawn smiled at Jon’s resolute head shakes, the older man’s eyes twinkling with amusement.

“Guess it doesn’t matter. I know you wanted me to. So. In the end you proved me right.” Nonchalance just barely covered up the mischief lurking in the older man’s features.

“Argh, I did not. Want you.” Jon scrunched up his nose, laughter almost but not quite seeping into his voice.

“Jon.” Shawn caught his band mate’s gaze and held it.

The air begun vibrating, the silence between them trembled and maybe the dull thump of Jon’s kitten-heart tripping over its own paws, falling into a heap of pent-up energy, could be heard.

Then Shawn leaned closer.

The singer’s lips twitched. Then they slowly started to slide back and curl, making dimples appear. And both he and Jon started laughing at the same time, the sound bubbling out and spilling into the area washing everything away.

“We’re cool?” Shawn asked once the laughter had wilted to a tiny rivulet and Jon nodded in response.

Quietness began taking over again and both men seemed to be wrapped up in their own worlds. And Jon was frowning deep in thought, a question bouncing back and forth between mind and mouth.

“Would you ever,” Jon paused for a moment, slightly tilting his head, weighing the words carefully on his tongue.

Shawn just watched him intently.

“Ever. Have sex with a man?” Jon finished, his frown dissolving into raised eyebrows and with a serious look on his face he awaited the answer.